Get up.

As you're stewing in your own filth this weekend, hungover in pajama pants and a stained t-shirt, take some time to reflect. Are you developing yourself in a positive manner? Are you avoiding anything that may reduce your mental growth or your physical health?

Motivational speaker/author Lizzie Velasquez is something of a tabloid fixture as a result of her rare condition that's similar to progeria (though her problems extend beyond that classification — she's blind in her right eye, for example). Her condition is so rare, she's believed to be one of three people in the world to have it. She's known for her hyperactive metabolism, and for being "the world's ugliest woman," as she was dubbed in a YouTube video that received millions of views.

When I'm out on the "lecture circuit" (out back of the 7-11), I'm always hearing you sad sack types whining about why you just can't get in shape. "I don't know how to get motivated," you sad sack types whine. "I don't have the motivation," you continue. It makes me so sick I just want to vomit out the 36-ounce Red Bull I just drank—for motivation!

In order to better address the needs of our fitness-obsessed readers, we are introducing this semi-regular column, "I of the Tiger," to take on the vital hardcore fitness issues of our time. Today: without a goal, you are nothing. Dig it.

This video combines the audio from a talk given by economist Dan Pink and the visuals from a UPS ad on steroids. It's intellectually stimulating and visually amazing as the talk is illustrated on white board as you hear it.

Conde Nast CEO Chuck Townsend is meeting personally this month with shell-shocked staffers at the company's various magazines for what is described as "a rah-rah speech" with "lots of charts and graphs." Everybody, "Conde rules" on one! [NYO]

The skittish stock market rose early this morning, but finished down 73 points, despite the best efforts of Neil "Ferrari" Kashkari, the Republican ski bum in charge of our government's Wall Street bailout package. Neel had a press conference this morning where he explained to everyone why the government is sinking $40 billion more into failed insurer AIG. Then he said "our capital markets are fragile." The market fell for the rest of the day. Dude, come on! How about a motivational phrase? Here's one we know you're familiar with: