Bernie Madoff's Montauk estate hasn't been sold off yet. Court-appointed trustee Irving Picard has yet to pick a broker(s) to handle the sale yet—possibly because he's been too busy counting his money—although the competition for the listing is fierce, according to Dan's Papers. And while Dan's debunks one myth that's been making the rounds—"Reports that a group of untidy pot smoking surfers are using the pad to hang out, party and chill is false"—it does offer up a rather tantalizing new rumor, one that may have you rushing over to pay Casa Madoff a visit this weekend:

Newsday has supplied a crucial piece of information in the emerging "Viking Funeral" theory of the Montauk Monster's origin, and we've spent all day going over historical weather records to better assess its credibility. Answer: Maybe! But we're dubious.

School's out, thunderstorms are rolling in, and flowers are in bloom. Montauk Monster season is upon us. And to ring it in, ASSME's Drew Grant claims to have finally solved the mystery that seized a nation last July.

A couple of weeks ago, there was talk that Bernie Madoff's penthouse on East 64th Street could sell for as much as $8 million when it hits the market. (It's not officially up for grabs yet, although several brokers have been asked to assess its value in anticipation of a sale.) It seems the $8 million figure, though, doesn't factor in the fact that prospective buyers would be purchasing it from the devil himself, even though the proceeds would go to victims of Madoff's alleged scheme.

We paid a visit to Bernie Madoff's Manhattan apartment last night (or at least the Chinese food deliveryman we sent over did). But what about the houses in Palm Beach and Montauk? On the left, you'll see Madoff's digs in Florida. The photo on the right is of his beachfront home on Long Island. Brokers interested in offering up these homes on Madoff's behalf can reach out to the man who will be charging Madoff $750 an hour for the next four years or so, Ira Sorkin.

Ken Layne over at Wonkette has done some heroic digging into Plum Island, the Department of Homeland Security-run animal horror lab suspiciously close not only to Montauk, where our friend Monty washed ashore, but to a long string of terrifying outbreaks and hybrid animal attacks. We knew from the start of the Montauk Monster mystery that Plum Island was at the center of various conspiracy theories, but when one looks at the entire awful history in one blog post, one must inevitably conclude that, despite its shifty and inconsistent denials, the federal government is assembling there a fearsome monster army that, if left unchecked, will someday slaughter us while we sleep.

Three women who first discovered and photographed the Montauk Monster have issued a desperate plea for scientists to help them identify the devil spawn! Rachel Goldberg, Courtney Fruin and Jenna Hewitt gave their long-awaited interview to PlumTV, following hot on the heals of the CNN appearance by their buddy "Colin," who is keeping the monster's bones safe in his bong or Weber grill or whatever. The ladies revealed they have been in touch with a scientist from Stony Brook University, who supposedly told them it can't be a raccoon (legs/arms not in proportion to body), dog (feet "don't match up" — ??) or turtle (they don't have teeth). So basically we're dealing with a mutant, alien or satanic death hound. "Lock your fucking doors," as one self-described biologist told us yesterday! The women are hoping another scientist will take a look at the remains and give a less terrifying answer. A video except, along with some interesting mail, is after the jump. UPDATE: Plus a new, less decomposed photo via Newsday!

Our old friend the Montauk Monster, who washed ashore on Long Island recently, continues to befuddle. Luckily Hamptons-based website Plum will be hosting two eyewitnesses as well as the woman who took the photograph this Friday on their web show The Juice. Plum writes of the hellfire-born nightmare creature: "Four government biologists contacted by Plum were unable to identify the species of the animal from its photo and came to the conclusion that 'no such creature exists.'" Shriek!! That's because it's a monster. A government experiment gone wrong! A Cerberus come to warn us of doom! A MONSTER!!!!

• Even overpriced Hamptons restaurants are feeling the recession's burn. [TRD]

A Speonk-summering tipster writes in, "I drove next to that guy you wrote about on Friday with the Porsche on 495 for an hour last night, heading back from the East End. His girlfriend was wearing the same dress and I could see the Louis Vuitton bag sticking up in the back seat." See? We can always tell what schmucks are heading out to the Hamptons.

Shortly before Parker Posey walked by our office and left her almost full iced coffee on our stoop, this guy pulled up in his Porsche Carrera convertible. Since he was revving the engine for five minutes straight, we went outside to tell him to shut up and that some people don't have summer Fridays and are still trying to work. But then we saw that he had the latest issue of On Montauk in the back seat and then we noticed his girlfriend's ankle tattoo.