This Chinese circus trick involves one big goat, one monkey, a cup, and a trainer. What goes down is almost as magical as the Great Wall.

Scientists have given monkeys some terrible diseases and afflictions over the years. But now they have given them something to ease all that pain: Television. And they love it, just like humans!

If a breakthrough that cures 100 per cent of the vicious virus in monkeys can be applied to humans, movies like Outbreak and Virus will become no more than historical whimsy. And they'll have to make movies about athlete's foot.

A grand, sweeping overview of the inhabitants of our world, Life picks up right where Planet Earth left off. It's a show that makes one happy to own a TV. And it's also narrated by Oprah!

Meet the vervet monkeys of St. Kitts! They're a primate posse of beachcombers whose main perogative is to steal your Margarita. After extensive research, Scientists have discovered parallels between the drinking habits of humans and these miniature boozers.

Last night on The Millionaire Matchmaker Patti took on a celebrity: Jason Davis. How do you know him? He's the brother of Brandon Davis, heir to millions, and subject of the paparazzi's nickname "Gummy Bear." So, how did it go?

Watch this chip careen around a park on a Segway chased by a man in a matching outfit.

This monkey looks extremely human while puffing away. Can't say we blame him one bit.

In this preview clip, BBC America took what was probably the most usable minute of footage and slapped it into their preview. And in exactly zero of these shots did the chimps think to use a tripod, focus the lens, or even take some quick establishing shots. Instead it just looks like a Michael Bay movie.

This monkey might be tempting fate, but he can't help himself from harassing a group of young tigers.

Zookeepers at the Bronx Zoo give these squirrel monkeys a special treat they've never had before: Jell-O filled with blueberries. Hesitant at first, the monkeys end up absolutely loving this rare and slippery treat. Sure beats eating their own poo.

People still don't believe we come from these guys? Here is further proof. This monkey can play Pac Man— and he isn't that bad at it. Somewhere Charles Darwin is saying "I told you so."

New developments in the study on the connection between humans and primates: both species like to bone recklessly on cars. All in the name of science...and baboon porn.

In your newspaper advertising supplements yesterday, you may have noticed this intriguing ad for Baby Jingles Heavenly Handfuls Li'l Monkey Hugs Doll by Artist Darlene Austin. You missed it? We'll transcribe the important details for you.

After torturing rhesus monkeys for decades with extremely low-calorie diets, scientists have finally proven that eating less can help primates (you) live longer. And the United States of America has proven that eating more kills you quick. Related: Donut Wars!!

Is it any wonder that fewer Americans declare themselves "religious" when the chimps are stockpiling weapons?

Sandra Herold, owner of Travis the chimp (Travis ripped a woman's face off after writing the stimulus bill), went on The Today Show because it seemed like a great idea in her current mental state.

Ladies and gentlemen, the New York Post's Sean Delonas cartoon today. In other news: on this day in 1688, the first formal protest against slavery by an organized white body in English America was made.

Is this the end of monkey ads? The nonprofit Ad Council—which makes all those famous public service ads you see everywhere—has agreed not to use any more "great apes" in its ads. No chimpanzees or orangutans! Not only that, but the CEOs of dozens of major advertisers and ad agencies sit on the Ad Council's board, and PETA is promising to urge all of them to stop with the ape ads, too. Kiss your precious CareerBuilder monkeys goodbye!

Despite their obvious evil, the monkeys have a shadow army, a veritable fifth column of monkey apologist humans secretly working to secure their overthrow of mankind. Some of them even live with the hairy hellions! When the law caught up with California human David Grigorian—who was sharing his Van Nuys home with a marmoset known only as Cheeta—he was ordered to hand the monkey over to Game and Wildlife officials, since he didn't have a permit for the animal. Instead, the monkey sympathizer showed up in court this week with a photo of Cheeta posing with a Mexian newspaper to convince a judge that the vine-climbing menace had fled south of the border. Eventually, Grigorian admitted he and Cheeta were still living in sin and turned in his partner. But it's all too easy to blame the human when a simian gets into mischief. After all, the guy was probably just a patsy.