ABC News' Investigative Unit has very important BREAKING news about how so-called change agent Hillary Clinton is such a part of the Washington establishment that she actually slept in the White House on the night her husband got a blowjob from Monica Lewinsky 11 years ago. She was in the same building within hours of the dress-staining hijinks and yet claimed she knew nothing, probably because she is a lying monster. Also! She may have even been in the building in the early evening WHILE her husband was having a happy hour with his intern. ABC is not really sure since documents only indicate Hillary stayed "overnight" and that she had three events on her schedule she may or may not have attended. But you can connect the dots for yourself. [ABC News]

Has it really been a whole decade since a plucky young intern stole the President's—and the nation's—heart with her devil-may-care attitude about workplace sex and that irresistible smile? Thanks, Matt, for reminding us of a simpler time. We appreciate also your placement of the story beneath the Hillary nonsense and above the inexplicable "CHELSEA SPEAKS!" headline. [DRUDGE]

You have to love the two eagle-eyed guys behind Bill Clinton keeping an extra-careful watch on that handshake as the former president greeted college students this week in Hanover, N.H.. You never can be too careful, you know. Hey! Girl whose face we can only see half of! Don't look into his eyes! [The Dartmouth]

• Make sure the douchebag you met at the bar knows exactly how you feel about him. [Orange32]
  

While we're feeling nostalgicThe Smoking Gun has the transcript of a 1998 debriefing on Monica Lewinsky's encounter with then-President Bill Clinton. An excerpt: "A ray of sunshine was shining directly on Lewinsky's face while she performed oral sex to completion on the President. The President remarked about Lewinsky's beauty." (They also point out that Ms. Lewinsky is participating in Fox's reality TV show, "Mr. Personality," which debuts next Monday.)
Lewinsky transcript [The Smoking Gun]

"Handbag designer" Monica Lewinsky will soon be hosting a reality TV show wherein "a female contestant is courted by men whose looks are kept hidden," and "the men 'must rely strictly on their personalities to captivate' the woman." (Novel idea, this dating-based-on-personality concept!) UPDATE: A reader points out that the show is based in California and suggests that this may be an elaborate ruse to get Monica out of New York before Chelsea Clinton gets here.
Lewinsky to host reality TV dating show [AP via Fark]

· Jeff Gossett, who closed the New York Moomba, to open Moomba LA, is now closing the West Coast club as well. [Page Six]
· Kathy Griffin can't tell the difference between Stephen Baldwin and Billy Baldwin. Neither can the Page Six photo editors, apparently. At the moment, a raven-haired, smiling Billy is captioned as "Stephen Baldwin." [Page Six]
· Visitors spotted passing coins to incarcerated Ex-Sotheby's honcho, Al Taubman, so he has money for the commissary. [Cindy Adams]
· European comments, "Joel Steinberg's getting out, Robert Chambers is coming out, that Central Park Jogger bunch is already out. Felons are going free, and smokers are getting arrested." [Cindy Adams]
· Sharon Osbourne refuses designer freebies because "I don't get the same buzz unless I pay for it!" [Liz Smith]
· Cosmopolitans and apple martinis are out; MOs (Bacardi O and Merlins) are in. [Liz Smith]
· Monica Lewinsky, apparently in the mood to be a good little choir girl, is throwing pizza parties with games and make-your-own sundaes. Ivana Trump joins The Donald in vowing revenge for the beer stein tossed at Don Junior's head at a Greenwich Village comedy club. [NY Daily News]

· Page Six's list of NY's "Most Eligible Bachelorettes" includes Chloe Sevigny, Monica Lewinsky, and Martha Stewart. [Page Six]
· Gov. Pataki was out dancing and bar-hopping 'til 3AM the night before his inauguration. [Cindy Adams]
· President Bush's nickname for Karl Rove is "Turd Blossom;" Ivana Trump spotted in Aspen with new boyfriend Rossano Rubicondi, who she says she's either going to "kill on the slopes" or "kill in bed;" Kate Moss is in Thailand trying to lose weight; and Madonna's Kabbala instructor says the thousands of game birds husband Guy Ritchie has killed while hunting will come back to haunt her. [NY Daily News]