Hell hath no fury like Rob Illig, University of Oregon securities law professor, emailing furiously for ANSWERS as to why his school is indulging in "white-man's guilt" by assisting recent graduates working in nonprofit law instead of raising his six-figure salary.
Should any of you out there continue to believe that careful study and reason will eventually win the battle over money in American politics, allow me to crush that thought. Or rather: allow the Supreme Court.
Would you pay $21 for a green tea? Well, if you were cultured, you would, you goddam heathen. But since we can't take you out anyplace nice, let's instead swig our swirled leaves with Ryan Sutton, the food critic for Bloomberg News and enjoyer of one fat night in Chicago.
The presidents we celebrate today were very different men. Abraham Lincoln loved to talk and debate and write and read books and be boring. George Washington was quiet and dignified, never wasting words. Abraham Lincoln led the United States into war over slavery. George Washington actually owned slaves. And in finances—the most important aspect of American life—Abraham Lincoln was a loser, while George Washington was the richest president ever.
Settle down, children! It's time for another fairy tale from that enchanted land of knights and princesses and New Rochelle trust funders, the New York Times real estate section.
Half of the workers in the United States made less than $27,519 last year. That median wage is the lowest it's been since 1998. The story is different for earners at the top, notes Al Jazeera America: "Since 2000, corporate pretax profits, adjusted for inflation, have more than doubled, reaching record levels."
Wayne Klinkel of Helena, Montana was reimbursed $500 Monday by the federal government after the family dog ate a wad of cash at Christmastime. In December, Klinkel and his wife left Sundance, their 12-year-old Golden Retriever, in the car while they ate at a diner; after eating, they realized the cash they’d left in the car was gone and that Sundance, who eats “anything in sight,” was responsible for the disappearance.
Grumpy Cat, the cat who looks grumpy, is on the cover of this week's New York magazine, advertising a profile. The "estimated value" of Grumpy Cat, Ltd., the Grumpy Cat company, is $1 million.
Two weeks ago The New York Observer, once a scrappy ankle-biter of gentrified Manhattan, published an utterly unaware column by 22-year-old New School grad Polly Mosendz about how she bought a $250,000 Manhattan apartment all by herself (and a parental nest egg of $50,000). The message was: you can do this, too! Mosendz even described herself as “normal.”
One of the reasons America's idiotic war on drugs has existed as a punitive project rather than a therapeutic one is because it's easier to write off drug addicts as losers with no self-control instead of damaged people deserving of sympathy. The nation is a rat race for money, and the fewer people competing for that money the better, so who cares if some sad guy addicted to crack gets thrown in jail for years on end? More for me.
