Here in America, Starbucks has already transformed itself from a safe haven for aspirational faux-yuppies into a place for hobos to hang out. But abroad, Starbucks' slate is still clean. China and India: Starbucks is coming for your culture money.

The Way We Live Now: Unwilling to take a stand. The first step in making this recession end is to admit, bravely, that the recession is over. Then you get the bailout you so desperately need. Not before.

The Way We Live Now: Hobbling about with our hand out for a hand out while the real winners carry an ever-increasing burden to support the rest of us lazy bums. When Republicans are right, they are right. Whatta pisser!

The Way We Live Now: Precociously. Our spending habits place us in rarefied company. We may not have money for hospitals, but we certainly have enough money to ensure that luxury does not die. Priorities, friends; priorities.

We all know Donald Trump's been having a rough recession. But have things really gotten so bad that even his "rich girl" employees can't afford a few thousand dollars worth of 'ludes?

A judge yesterday rejected 26 year-old Long Islander Danielle Cavalieri's claim that she should be able to keep a $19,000 engagement ring because her (now ex) fiancee cheated on her. Long Island men were like, "Yes." [NYP]

Once-proud studio Miramax died in January, and Disney is selling off its carcass for pennies on the dollar. But look who might snap it up: The Weinstein brothers, who built the place, and their billionaire pal Ron Burkle!

The Way We Live Now: Not standing a chance. Unless you're a lucky adventurer straight out of Inglourious Basterds, chances are you're locked out of your apartment. Or dead inside it. Fly away? You can't afford it. Dream on!

The Way We Live Now: Putting our foot down. You know we love you, kids. But you're going to have to get the fuck out, because we can't afford you. You're 35. You'll make it out there. (Not really).

Playboy's once-mighty breast photography publishing empire is crumbling into dust, so the company is just selling its logo to anything and everything in order to raise some cash. This upsets the weirdos who collected Playboy crap before it was cool.

The New York Times today pounds out a love letter to New Yorker editor David Remnick—a fairly regular occurrence. To summarize: David Remnick is a journalist with no flaws. Really? Well. As close as you'll find at Conde Nast.

The Way We Live Now: Eatin' Eggos. And that's just the winners among us. We eat waffles in lieu of any better prizes. None are available. Unless you're a hedge fundie, or a vagabond.

The Way We Live Now: Under fate's cruelly oversized thumb. How long must we be expected to do expensive things for free? Where is our reward for being rich? Or for being poor? Fuck heaven, pay me.

The Way We Live Now: Staunchly homeless. Some of us try to deny it; some of us try to hide it; but all of us are homeless, or nearly homeless, or one state budget cut from becoming homeless. It's trendy.

The Way We Live Now: Engaged in inexplicable schemes. We like to say "Oh, it was just the dementia," or "Oh, it was just our fundamental misunderstanding of our own economic system." But who's to say we're not just crazy?

Lost: the television show enjoyed by many hopeless fanatics such as yourself. Just how much is your slavish, unquestioning devotion to everything associated with this fairy tale worth to corporate America's advertisers? A lot.

The Way We Live Now: Spending ourselves to death. The way we're unable to comprehend simple arithmetic, you'd think we were all educated in America's public schools. Hmm, what's everything we have minus everything? Can we still afford a VitaminWater?

Starting tomorrow, going to the movies will be more expensive. Yes, Avatards are to blame.

The Way We Live Now: Weighing our options. Unwisely. Americans were never famous for our ability to make calm, sober choices. A recession is just an excuse to become a pirate! Or ask for donations! Or break outta jail!

The Way We Live Now: Under the sea. We paddle and swim, and what do we see? Money, and money, all growing on trees. Under the water, a dream spending spree!