If you are a young American entering the work force today, you may be preoccupied with the fear that the crushing weight of student loans will derail your economic future. To you, we say, for at least one day, today, don't worry about that. Instead, worry about how little money you're going to be paid.
Last year, Bank of America tried to sneakily, oh so sneakily, instate a $5 fee on debit card users. Outrage ensued, and the idea was scrapped. But you didn't think that BoA's insatiable need for sweet, sweet money was just going to disappear, did you? There are plenty of new, sneakier fees they will hit you with.
Lots of people in America have lately found themselves unable to pay their mortgages. Approximately 1% of the loans in foreclosure in America are for more than $1 million. For that (relatively) fortunate—let's just call them, I don't know, the 1%—it takes a lot longer to get kicked the hell out. The WSJ reports:
Take a deep breath. Relax. Center yourself. Think about your bank account. Now. Are you ready for an article explaining why $196,000 per year is not that much money? Good.
Everyone who is not a savvy financial professional would be well-advised to pursue a single investing strategy: buy and hold. That means, whatever you do, do not try to "trade" stock and mutual funds, as if you know what you're doing. Because you don't. Millions of Americans grasp this concept. At least two of their elected representatives do not.
The "Christmas rush" is over. The final, last-ditch hope for our flailing economy has come to an end. The gifts have all been purchased. The free-spending desperate trips to our nation's big box retailers have all been taken. And now, America asks itself: did it work?
Thanks to mildly encouraging small business hiring, mildly increasing consumer demand, and a mild uptick in the real estate market, economists and businessmen across America are becoming afflicted with "economic optimism," at least to the extent necessary to justify a USA Today "Money" section feature. Smell that? It's a course. We're back on it!
White guys: will we ever change? We promise, ladies and minorities, we won't! No matter how much the world around us changes, we pledge to always, always, always take most of the money, for ourselves.
If you've ever consulted your own common sense, one of the things it probably told you was, "I bet that shitty schools in poor neighborhoods get less money spent on them, than schools in richer neighborhoods." At long last, the US Education Department has done a real live study on this topic. The shocking results:
Each of the individual "states"—the little McNugget-shaped landmasses that make up the United "States" of America—have their very own little economies, just like a real country. Perhaps, although the entire USA is broke as a motherfucker, taking a "granular" look at the state level will revel that, like a weird, unseen quantum world, their own economies are stronger than expected. Maybe?
The writing, so to speak, was on the wall, and now, it seems, what we all feared most shall, in fact, come to pass: our brothers and sisters on Wall Street—from the 18th floor to the 80th floor, from the fixed income desk to the investment banking division, from Goldman Sachs to Lehman... no, Lehman is dead... to WaMu... no, I mean, you know what we mean—well, they're all suffering, that's all. Just like the rest of us. It won't be a pretty Christmas this year on Wall Street. Not with paychecks projected to drop (*scary music*) as much as thirty percent!! From the WSJ:
Have you used a Chase ATM near Union Square in Manhattan this year? If you live in or have traveled to Manhattan any time this year, I bet that you have! So, you should know that your ATM card information has been... not definitely stolen. But possibly! I'm sure you're just fine.
