Continuing its fun new trend, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has plunged more than 100 points already this morning. Fear is back! Heyyyy, buddy!

"How you can profit from Ebola." USA Today's Matt Krantz has the scoop:

Not too long ago, any half-bright young Ivy League whelp with a taste for fluorescent lighting and endless drudgery could get an entry-level lawyer job in a big city for a fat salary. Sadly, it's not quite so easy any more.

You will never retire, in part because America's existing pension system is crazy quilt of various empty bank accounts full of lies and IOUs. Does a better pension system actually exist? Yes, it does.

If there is any institution that perfectly embodies the vacuous, superficial, money-centric nature of America's ill-concealed oligarchy, it is our national political conventions. They are useless pieces of shit. Now, it will be slightly easier for moneyed interests to buy them.

You may remember Steven A. Cohen as the billionaire who just barely escaped total destruction after it became clear that his hedge fund was rife with insider trading. Now he has a new identity: paragon of business ethics!

This week, rich and famous human Lena Dunham will begin her 12-city book tour. Several dates will feature regular people performing. They will not be paid. Let's do the math on that. (Updated below.)

It's rare to find a job that offers a pension nowadays. And those that already had entire careers that promised them pensions—well, your outlook is almost as bad as someone with no pension at all.

It's come to my attention that many of our readers believe that if you give anything more than a modest sum of money to a poor person, that person will just go out and waste the money on impulse purchases. Allow me to point out that this is false.

Ta-Nehisi Coates made the case that America owes reparations to its black community. But he purposely left out the details of what a reparations program might look like. We will now make a proposal, for your consideration.

What do you get for the young man who's already got a safety net made of golden threads brocaded with itty bitty Mercedes-Benzes? His very own hedge fund, where he can play with millions of dollars like a real live bizness-man!

Although to you the idea of buying a home may seem like a fuzzy, faraway dream, the numbers show that thousands of young people just like you are in fact doing just that. What is their secret?

Much of the discussion about cutting the carbon emissions that are slowly destroying our planet centers on the supposed cost of all these new forms of clean energy. A new report suggests: what costs?

CALPERS is America's largest pension fund, with $300 billion in assets. It just announced that it is pulling all of its money out of hedge funds. Why? Because everyone knows that hedge funds are a ripoff.

The volume of gray matter in one region of your brain predicts how much tolerance you have for financial risk. Our economy will always be ruined by big-headed people.

If we ever hope to be a truly fair representative democracy, we need to have campaign finance reform. The Republicans in the Senate have just blocked a proposed Constitutional amendment that might help do that. In America, the money owns the people. Not the other way around.

Hedge fund are organizations designed to take money from wealthy investors and—through sophisticated financial wizardry—use that money to enrich hedge fund managers. Shockingly, many professional investors believe hedge fund managers are overpaid.

The University of California is the latest major university to find itself arguing over whether or not divestment from fossil fuels is a worthwhile idea. Is it? Yes. But it is also a self-fulfilling prophecy, either way.

How one wealthy couple successfully triumphed over debt: "They sold two of their homes and four of their cars. They ate at home more frequently. They canceled their cable television and cellphone plans. And they saved $1.7 million for retirement." If they can do it, anyone can.

In the years since The Great Recession of 2008, our nation has, on average, made great strides towards economic recovery. On average. In reality, all of the money has gone to the rich.