Today in inspired feats of profound boredom: eBay user The_Heppcat claims he typed the entirety of Moby Dick on four rolls of single-ply toilet paper to win a bet. (Or for the most labor-intensive "Dick up your butt" punchline in human history.)

In last night's Tip of the Hat/Wag of the Finger segment, Stephen defended the threatened rights of Japanese whale hunters, asking, "without their research, how will we ever know what teriyaki blowhole tastes like?"

Here at Defamer, we usually announce the latest Hollywood projects in our trade round-up, but today's Variety included mention of an upcoming project that was so balls-out bizarre, we knew it needed special attention. According to the industry bible, Wanted helmer Timur Bekmambetov is prepping an adaptation of Herman Meville's Moby Dick. Naturally, as befits a project of this sort of literary stature, he has brought aboard writers Adam Cooper and Bill Collage (who previously scripted the Justin Long comedy Accepted) to draft the screenplay. Says Variety: