Rich liar Mitch Albom, once described by H.P. Lovecraft as "a grotesque scaly body with rudimentary wings," has written a column about 50 Shades of Grey. Reading it is like coming across a big shotgun next to a tiny barrel with an enormous, beautiful fish inside, only the fish has already hung itself from a tiny noose.

In your positive Monday media column: Richard Desmond buys a TV network, HuffPo personifies the mysterious blog world, Mitch Albom is celebrated for some reason, media job moves are afoot, and Kathie Lee and Hoda are still there.

Naomi Campbell turns 39 today. Actress Ginnifer Goodwin is turning 31. Billionaire oilman T. Boone Pickens is 81. Real estate developer Joseph Sitt is 45. Society dermatologist Lisa Airan is turning 44. Artist Ghada Amer turns 46. Former CNN anchor Bernard Shaw is 69. Alison Eastwood, the actress and daughter of Clint, is turning 37. British tabloid staple, Katie Price, is turning 31. And America's Next Top Model: Cycle 7 winner Caridee English is 24 today. Weekend birthdays after the jump.