The "personhood" movement is a grassroots campaign in Mississippi that sought to pass a constitutional amendment defining a person as a "fertilized egg," thereby giving uni-celled beings a slew of valuable new rights that would make their elimination, via morning-after pill or what have you, tantamount to murder in the first degree.
Just one year after getting used as Pine Sol by Republicans in the midterms, Democrats and progressives came back to score a bunch of victories in the 2011 elections—in particular, two important ballot measures in Ohio and Mississippi. Here's a roundup of election night news:
As Americans slowly masturbate their pudgy, formless bodies into oblivion, it has become increasingly clear that soon a new species will arise to fill the void once occupied by the only race to have set foot on the moon. And, lo, here is that species: The "Hairy Crazy Ant."
There are so many reasons to have kids! One of the not-great reasons is the best is probably "so you have someone to drive when you're wasted." Like Billy Joe Madden, who slept off a bender while his 8-year-old son drove his truck. On a highway. From Mississippi to Dallas.
A new public health report places Mississippi yet again at the top of the lard heap, with a 34% adult obesity rate. That's a lotta fat people! The lowest obesity rate in the country? Colorado's 19%.
The feel-good blog item of the day is the story of when the small town of Brandon, Mississippi successfully foiled Westboro Baptist Church's plan to protest a Marine's funeral. (Here is a video of the refreshingly protester-free road as Marine Staff Sgt. Jason Rogers is returned home on April 14.) How'd they do it? They sicced the police on them and beat them up.
Arch corporate lobbyist, Republican fundraiser, and Governor of Mississippi Haley Barbour has decided not to run for president. He doesn't have that "absolute fire in the belly," he says in a statement. We're glad to hear that he doesn't have the farts, but saddened that he won't run for president. Oh well. Let's blame the wife!
Should Mississippi honor Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest by giving him a special license plate? Probably not, no. But the Mississippi Division of Sons of Confederate Veterans seems to think it would be a good idea, having proposed a commemorative Forrest License plate for 2014 as part of a series of license plates that "mark the 150th anniversary of the Civil War, which it calls the 'War Between the States.'"
The mighty Bay State, home of the fightin' Red Sox and gay divorces, has the smartest, and thus best, kids in the nation. According to standardized test scores at least. And we all know those are always completely reliable!
Mississippi governor Haley Barbour has commuted the life sentences of Jamie and Gladys Scott, two sisters who were convicted of armed robbery in 1994. With one small condition.
Mississippi Gov. Haley "Boss Hogg" Barbour is a funny guy, and he should run for president. The former Washington mega-lobbyist gives great interviews. What was it like, for example, when he saw Martin Luther King Jr. as a teenager?
Thinking about running for eighth grade class president at Mississippi's Nettleton Middle School? Are you white? Because only white kids can run for president. Black kids can be vice-president, though! But only black kids. Update: They changed the policy.
