Citing the kind of unnamed sources that make the supermarket tabloids an infinitely more entertaining checkout line read than the ingredients list on the fifteen cans of cat food the sexagenarian ahead of you is attempting to purchase with an expired coupon, the current issue of Star magazine speculates that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have thus far avoided taking recently fabricated baby-unit Suri Cruise out in public because they fear kidnapping plots (SURI IN DANGER? blares the concerned mag's cover copy, next to a photo that in no way could assist potential malefactors in their infant-pilfering efforts) targeting the child. Fortunately, the alleged 24/7 armed security force assigned to Suri-retention detail should be able to prevent any renegade geneticists obsessed with discovering Scientology's baby-manufacturing secrets by reverse-engineering the tyke from absconding with her while Holmes is distracted with self-medicating the despair of her imprisonment with shopping sprees at Barneys.