Old galaxies! Nabokov butterflies! Milk safety! Insomnia relief! Cell timers! Solar sails! Bat naps! Math extinctions! Ovulation dreams! Breast chips! It's your Wednesday Science Watch, where we watch science—wackily, come on!

Here's a trailer for Restless, a surprisingly sappy-looking teen romance about a girl dying of cancer who falls in love with a death-obssesed boy who hangs out with the ghost of a Kamikaze pilot. Yeah, it's one of those.

Cholesterol kids! Weight loss drugs! Glucosamine failure! Skin cancer diversity! Proper sneeze coverage! And your daily milk needs, revealed! It's your Monday Health Watch column, where we watch your health: with supplemental protein!

I guess he hates it when his girlfriend drink out of the carton. Is he a jerk? Yes, but a funny jerk.

The National Milk Producers Federation is saying that milk should only be called "milk" when it is from a lactating mammal. Rosanna Scotto's suggestion of "soy jizzum" shows us she has a very dirty mind early in the morning...

In a single hour, Macy's sold 72,000 bottles of Beyonce's new perfume yesterday. If you think that's impressive, check out all the other stuff she uses her famous face to sell. A portrait of the artist as a commodity.

This is obviously the result of the Budweiser "Whassup" commercials a couple of years ago, but the parents do it so well we don't mind the YouTube whoring of the kids. We just hope none of them join the Mickey Mouse club.

A farmer sprays milk on police forces during a protest against falling milk prices outside the European Union headquarters yesterday Brussels. [Via Cryptome; Photo by Georges Gobet, AFP/Getty Images.]

The Way We Live Now: Breaking astounding barriers of the mind and soul! Money scientists have discovered who has it worst in this recession: the poor. That's right, the poor. Surprise. It is the fault of cows—girl cows.

We have no clue what he does in his personal life, but James Franco's professional life just got even pinker, if you can imagine. Now he's taking a Queer Cinema class at NYU!

When Columbia announced their upcoming project with the director, they tried to keep the plot secret. Why bother? The treatment leaked and the movie is full of emo teens, just like everything else he's done (except Milk).

Gun van Sant will direct a "distinctive take on young love" entitled Restless, which was penned by an NYU grad named Jason Lew, who's friends with Bryce Howard, who's producing with papa Ron and Brian Grazer. Again, movie magic! [THR]

Yikes. Dustin Lance Black, the dreamy Oscar-winning screenwriter of Milk, has just been betrayed by someone he knows... yeah, in that sense. Someone has sold sex pics to a photo agency, and now bad old Perez Hilton has found them.

Past Oscar winners have gotten a bump in ticket sales after winning the little gold man, but Slumdog Millionaire is a different sort of movie.

It's Friday, and that means one thing: It's Defamer Friday Funtime! Wherein we share something completely stupid with you in the hopes that it will make you smile, possibly kickstarting a weekend of savage self-abuse.

Most-shirtless Oscar-nominated screenwriter Dustin Lance Black made his deepest inroads yet to awards-night glory, claiming two WGA prizes Saturday for his work on Milk.

Oscar politicking can be an arduous task that overwhelms many would-be winners, and thus, Milk screenwriter Dustin Lance Black has been forced to deploy his final trump card: beefcake shots.

· It's Dustin Lance Black night at Book Soup! He'll sign just about anything, but preferably Milk: The Shooting Script. It's your chance to brush up against a possible Oscar-winner. (No groping.)

It sounded like a good idea at the time: Hide your awards-hopeful in the major markets, then let it fly into wide release with as much Oscar-nomination momentum as possible. Alas.

Two days after the Slum Interview Heard Round the World forced a detour upon Fox Searchlight's Oscar express, at least one other Best Picture hopeful is making its own swift move for the win.