Robert Gates demanded the resignation of General David McKiernan, America's top general in Afghanistan. So McKiernan is probably gay. Or an Atheist. Gates prefers a guy who helped cover up Pat Tillman's death. [WP]

Cary Tennis: Your Source For Stone Cold Crazy Advice. The Salon advicemonger and generally confused and confusing man today receives a sincere question from a girl about her hard-partying friend, who gets drunk and cheats on her boyfriend, most recently by having "consensual, unprotected sex with one of the Marines" that she met on a night out. What should she do to help her friend? Cary Tennis makes sure she regrets that she ever asked that question. Because Cary Tennis can read her friend's mind:

• Things You Can't Do Coked Up—Guessing there's no book deal forthcoming. Prove me wrong, publishers!