That headline was for the Daily Caller.

A new explanation for Bieber's laser tag freak out emerges. Rooney Mara pierces her nipples. Kim Kardashian will never again go naked. Elin Nordegren got $110 million from Tiger? Monday gossip grapples with the bullying crisis afflicting our gay tweens.

In a moment of cramped, filthy discomfort, Mike Rowe and his "boss" attempt to dislodge some large hunk of machinery, and let loose with their foul-mouths. Here's a peak into what Dirty Jobs might sound like were it on HBO.

Mike Rowe, the consummate man's man, regales one of his dirtiest, most disgusting jobs ever on Dirty Jobs: sheep herding. Well, the actual job of herding sheep isn't so gross, it's just biting off of their testicles that's off-putting.

Mike Rowe really is a Renaissance man. Television host, opera singer, handyman, stage actor, QVC salesman, cartoon pedophile. Wait, what?

Queen Latifah turns 39 today. Dane Cook is turning 37. Maroon 5's Adam Levine is 30. Theodora Richards, the party-loving daughter of Keith Richards, is 24. Vanessa Williams is turning 46. Hedge fund manager Scott Bommer is turning 43. Discovery Channel star Mike Rowe is 47. Michael Reagan, the radio host and adopted son of Ronald Reagan, is turning 64. French writer/director Luc Besson is 50. Veteran actor Peter Graves is 83. And Ben Cohen, the co-founder of Ben & Jerry's, is celebrating his 58th birthday today.

Dirty Jobs host, Deadliest Catch narrator, and former opera singer Mike Rowe has yet another accomplishment to add to his already impressive resume. Readers at Gay.com have voted him the number one dude they'd like to cheat on their boyfriends and husbands with. Poor old silver fox Anderson Cooper's stock is on the decline, as he came in third place out of 25 nominees behind Fast and Furious robot Paul Walker. And in a heartening sign that he's only popular during the Olympics, manfish Michael Phelps carried a mere two percent of the vote. As for Rowe, he sent this humble acceptance message: "What can I say? I'm honored. I would, however, like to take a moment to clear something up. Even though I got my start in theater, sang for years in The Baltimore Opera, moved to San Francisco and never married, I must tell you all again, for the hundredth time ... "I am NOT a celebrity. "Not that there's anything wrong with that... " See the rest of the results here.