A little-known electric bassist and hair-metal enthusiast named Mike Huckabee will pay $25,000 to the band Survivor for using their hit “Eye of the Tiger” at an event without permission, CNN reports.

Mike Huckabee got into a screaming match at a campaign stop in Iowa earlier this week when a woman asked him about his continued support for the Duggars. Mike Huckabee’s response? About five straight minutes of him yelling “You don’t know them!” over and over and over again.

In the early 1950s, writer Patricia Highsmith had every reason to hide her pride, and quite a few to hate herself. Living under the tyranny of McCarthyism was devastating for those with same-sex attraction—if homosexuality was acknowledged in public at all, it was condemned. And yet, Highsmith transcended.

The guitarist in the band Survivor is suing Mike Huckabee’s presidential campaign, the Associated Press reports, over the Arkansas governor’s use of the band’s 1982 hit, “Eye of the Tiger.”

The Republican presidential primary campaign is, to a large extent, a convention of white male fantasy enthusiasts. You say you can double economic growth, with magic? Well I can... triple it!

In tonight’s debate, Fox’s Brett Baier directed a question about the Obama administration potentially allowing transgender soldiers to serve openly in the military to Mike Huckabee, who gave the exact grotesque answer you would expect, saying that the military is “not a social experiment” and that is instead around to “kill people and break things.”

It’s time. Tomorrow night, at 9 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time, ten drunk clowns are going to fight with each other on national television for the chance to make wildly important decisions that affect each and every one of our livelihoods. It is going to be a god damn masterpiece.

In an interview with conservative website Breitbart.com, Republican presidential candidate finally just goes for it, comparing Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler: “It is so naive that he would trust the Iranians. By doing so, he will take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.”

AMES, IOWA—Abortion. Abominable gays. And god’s abiding dislike of the current Democratic administration. Hey 90s kids: remember 1996? Remember the Culture Wars? They’re back.

Duggars be damned: It turns out presidential Easter ham Mike Huckabee has another alleged child molester in his coterie. A prolific co-author of Huck’s and other Christian moralists’ books left his church and escaped prosecution when the statute of limitations ran out on his alleged sexual assaults of a young girl.

In an attempt to expose the absurdity of treating other human beings with respect, prophet and presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee told the crowd at the 2015 National Religious Broadcasters Convention in Nashville, Tennessee in February this:

Though he shares a similar love of Christ and fear of transgender people as the reality TV family, presidential hopeful and major dick Rick Santorum is finally distancing himself from the Duggars. He told Good Morning America yesterday that he is “sickened” by Josh Duggar’s admission that he molested some of his sisters.

Isn’t life terrible? Obama’s in office, gays are getting married, and humanity has just generally lost its way. All of this comes with a whole slew of exciting punishments, since the End is nigh. And presidential candidate Mick Huckabee can’t wait.

Mike Huckabee just took the stage with Tony Orlando and a bizarre number of children to officially announce his (second) bid for the Republican nomination. And the circus grows.

“I do not come to you tonight with the ability to speak Spanish,” Mike Huckabee, once and future presidential pork product, told a Hispanic group in a speech Wednesday night. “But I do speak a common language. I speak Jesus.”

In an interview with CNN on Saturday, Beyoncé concern troll and potential presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee blamed the "militant gay community" for inciting undue backlash against religious-freedom laws passed in Arkansas—of which he is the former governor—and Indiana.

On Sunday, gritty gravy god Mike Huckabee appeared on CNN's State of the Union to offer a number of regrettable analogies about homosexuality, comparing it, variously, to drinking, classical music and bacon-wrapped shrimp.

Mike Huckabee—former governor, current TV gadfly, lifelong Jim Nabors doppelganger—wants you to know Republicans have no war on women. If anything, it's liberals who hate the foxes, with their free love and free birth control and something called "Uncle Sugar."

Asked about Lara Logan's suspension from 60 Minutes for fudging her thoroughly discredited report on the Benghazi attack, Fox News maven Mike Huckabee today called her "a hero journalist to at least attempt to get the story out."