Lindsay and Dina Lohan are pissed. Stephen Marbury: pussy. Nic Cage: broke. Carly Simon wants to know where the Doritos are. Jon Gosselin has "mantrums." Happy Hangover Day. I can't feel my face. Here's your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Derek Jeter turns 35 today. Filmmaker Paul Thomas Anderson is turning 39. Patty Smyth is 52. Jason Schwartzman is turning 29. Music impresario Irv Gotti is 39. So is former music exec-turned-marketing honcho Steve Stoute. Joanna Molloy of the Daily News is 54. Art director George Lois is turning 78. Actor Sean Hayes is 39. Guitarist Mick Jones is turning 54. Chris Isaak turns 53. Chris O'Donnell is turning 39. Former Jets quarterback Chad Pennington is 33. And scandal-plagued quarterback Michael Vick turns 29 today. Weekend birthdays below.

Author/humorist David Sedaris turns 52 today. Jared Leto is 37. CNN's Candy Crowley is 60. AOL chief Randy Falco is 55. Senator Evan Bayh is 53. America's Most Wanted's John Walsh is 63. Chris Daughtry is 29. And record producer (and possible murderer) Phil Spector celebrates his 68th today. Weekend birthdays after the jump.