Perez Hilton saw a market opportunity, Michelle Malkin saw her kid, Jimmy Fallon saw Martha Stewart, and CNN's Rick Sanchez saw red! Today's tweets from the media elite:

Clare Boothe Luce, the witty and charming author and congresswoman, was also the wife of fantastically wealthy, terribly influential far-right crackpot Time and Life publisher Henry Luce. Back in 1936 Clare Boothe Luce wrote The Women, a wonderful play about how women are all undermining backstabby gossipy bitches, because Luce hated women. So naturally the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute exists now to promote and support leading conservative women in politics. Anyway! Their annual pinup calendar is out! Would you like to see perpetually enraged blogger Michelle Malkin and predictably enraging author Ann Coulter decked out like extras in a dinner theater production of Dinner at Eight? Sure you would. Click through.

Affable, always-reasonable blogger Michelle Malkin is upset that we published the emails of Sarah Palin, featuring the phone number of Bristol Palin and the already available email address of her husband Todd. We are a "cesspool blog," and also "lowlifes," and also part of a "smear machine," and also we have commited identity theft (!), and last but not least we are "by-any-means-necessary lunatics." Also: "Bastards. Bastards all." Anyways. Back in 2006 Michelle Malkin posted the phone numbers of some college kids planning to protest Ann Coulter. The kids—who were neither running for office nor inserted at the last minute to the great buffet table of family values on display at the nationally televised Republican National Convention—received death threats! Malkin refused to take those phone numbers down! When they complained, Malkin reposted their numbers! Ha! Also, of course, Malkin thinks we should've kept all the Japanese-Americans in WWII locked up in internment camps forever and ever, but hey. Outrage-off! Cesspool Blog! Bastards all!!! [Photo-illustration (c) back when people gave a shit about Michelle Malkin.]

Dear Us Weekly editor-in-chief Janice Min, I realize I told you it was a massive screw-up for you to go so hard on Sarah Palin. And I realize I might have even done my part to fan the flames. But seriously, was it really necessary to tell David Carr she "out Obama'ed Obama with her speech" and "came on like a supermom who is not going to take a lot of guff from anyone"? And whose idea was it to offer five whole free issues to all your enraged Republican hate-mailers, only so said hate -mailers could turn around and betray you to the likes of demonspawn Michelle Malkin?? That sounds like something Jesus would do, Janice Min!Which is why I can't get mad at your hasty political backtracking. Something about that would be so "typical Democrat self-immolating," so "Nation of Whiners" of me. Instead I will leave you with this story: yesterday I attended a panel on income inequality at Barnes & Noble featuring my own personal Jesus, Wall Street Journal columnist Tom Frank and former Harper's editor-in-chief Lewis Lapham. Tom's new book The Wrecking Crew is a hysterically funny survey of the hysterically vast destruction Republicans and their unabashed contempt for government have unleashed upon the government. If we were more like them, we would have figured out a way to convincingly get voters to substitute out "America" for "government" in that last sentence, but no. We are just so relentlessly self-critical! I heard one spectator whine about how he would vote for Ralph Nader or Ron Paul before Obama. Asked another, a late arriving senior citizen, afterward: "But did they let the Democrats off the hook? The Democrats always let the Republicans start wars!" And while it was true, it was the sort of rhetorical question that was its own explanation. Which is to say, Janice Min, I see some dirt on your shoulder, could I brush it off for you?

Blogger Michelle Malkin is an impressively craven and vile human being, a dangerous demagogue who properly belongs grouped with slavery defenders, flat-earthers and Nixon apologists interned forever in the extreme fringes of the popular discourse, and she's too humorlessly vapid to plausibly attempt Ann Coulter's "it's just a joke" defense. But all that said, she reached her peak of influence and fame a couple years ago, thank god. Still, we'd love to read the New Yorker's forthcoming profile of the reactionary sophist, because maybe it would answer those burning questions about how much influence her insane husband has on her "writing" or maybe it'd just be a ripping good exploration of moral bankruptcy. Unfortunately, shrill Malkin won't cooperate with Rebecca Mead, because Rebecca Mead is a real reporter. Here is a fascinating series of emails demonstrating how not to butter up an unwilling subject.

Tech gadfly David Cassel was surprised when a Google search of "Michelle Malkin," the Asian-American Ann Coulter, displayed images of the shrill female commentator in a bikini. Full disclosure: One of them was a faked image that ran on sister site Gawker. Surely an aberration as the search engine experiments with including images and videos right on the main search results page? Ah, but a search for the original Ann Coulter, too, displayed bikini shots (also faked). What about male conservative commentators? Jeff Gannon, questioned for his White House press-conference softballs and exposed for posting nude photographs to gay escort sites, unsurprisingly, appears ... exposed. And on the left?

Though our prim sib Wonkette might choose to put the above alleged photo of conservative commentator Michelle Malkin after a modesty-assuring jump, we have no such qualms. If legit — and the resemblance is certainly there — this 1992 shot would put Malkin at a nubile 21, perhaps while still at Oberlin and dreaming of future Fox News stardom. We're going to assume that yellow band on her right wrist was issued by a liquor-serving public house of some description, and that this candid scenario predicated at least a little second-base action for the photographer.

After a crippling childhood bout of Joel Stein Disease left her permanently retarded, we're happy to report that Michelle Malkin has finally made a little progress. Before long, she'll able to eat paste without assistance.

We're on Day 2 of FreyGate (alternately referred to as the Freydom Fight or Born Frey), which brings ruminations from angry fans, day-late mainstream media recaps of the Smoking Gun's revealing report, breaking Wikipedia updates and, of course, lessons from haggypants Michelle Malkin:

From PR blog Media Orchard's list of the year's 10 Worst Spins, the number four worst attempt to influence public perception in 2005: