• Chris Wood of Medeski, Martin, and Wood teams up with his brother Oliver at The Living Room. Jam out on patchouli-scented folk rock at 8pm. [flavorpill]
• All the way from Budapest, Specko Jedno brings its "death romance, bigoted tango, and metaphysical children songs" to Kush for a Hungarian-inspired party. Also, the band has brown hair and brown eyes — swear to God, they included that for public information. [Kush]
• Elton John does theater, and the rest of the world goes blind from all the sequins. Lestat, an adaptation of Anne Rice's vampire chronicles, opens tonight. [Paper]

Sightings are sent in by readers and then posted to our Gawker Stalker Maps. This is our occasional compilation of some of our favorites. Send your sightings to tips@gawker.com.

• Starting next week, Hearst begins its move into their new W. 57th Street digs. While we expected an impeccably organized move, we certainly didn't expect moving phases to be divided into color-coded teams, complete with "team captains." After the move, will there be a giant game of capture the flag? [Jossip]
• David Carr, clearly having never worked at a doughnut shop, is wrong about employees consuming the very goods they sell. [The Daily Transom]
• Vanessa Grigoriadis is hiring a new mule. [Columbia]
• We've always maintained that the fervently athletic are intellectually feeble; triatheletes competing for a new bike by touching a bike frame for 70 hours straight seems to support that notion. [Big and Sharp]
• The Marcel Hotel at 24th Street and 3rd Avenue flooded yesterday, forcing 130 travelers to be relocated elsewhere. In case you were wondering, they're still all booked for tonight and tomorrow. [WCBS]
• The Department of Justice presents Your Vagina: A Gateway to Information. [Video Dog]

Gay blogger Andy Towle (by which mean he runs a blog on gay topics, not that he's a blogger who happens to like boys) today answers a question that has plagued us all at one point or another: How do you possibly get the Chelsea boys to pay attention to you? Turn out it's easy: Ride an enormous white horse down Eighth Avenue. Duh.

Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to the Gawker Stalker map. Send your encounters with the rich and oblivious to tips@gawker.com.

We know you've been wondering the same thing as us: What's former Women's Wear Daily staffer and suspected faux-firefighter sex perv Peter Braunstein been up to? Since stabbing himself in the neck upon being apprehended in Tennessee in December, we've heard surprisingly little about his case, other than that he's currently sulking around Bellevue. The Post, however, has an update — that is, if you believe their source, a former patient at Bellevue named William Allman who spent 18 days at the mental hospital with Braunstein. According to Allman, Braunstein hordes food, cries about being picked on, likes to harasses a semi-conscious old Chinese man, and conceals his masturbation with a newspaper.

• Remember Nancy Balbirer? She was the woman who told a story about her old roommate Jennifer Aniston, who believed in stuffing one's bra with chicken cutlets. Balbirer's back tonight at Mo Pitkins for SCHWAG!, her comedic performance art showcase featuring Mike Albo, Bob Morris, Cintra Wilson, et al. We don't think Aniston will be in attendance, but it doesn't hurt to hope. [Upcoming]
• A.M. Homes reads from This Book Will Save Your Life — a book that will not, coincidentally, save your life in any way. Find out what the hell she's talking about tonight at Barnes & Noble. [Paper]
• Two Gallants bring their sound of "sweet Americana" to the Bowery Ballroom. We've no clue when New Yorkers started tolerating any sort Americana, but we hear the band's good. [flavorpill]

Sightings are sent in by our readers and then posted to theGawker Stalker Map, so all evil tourists will know precisely where to go for some picture-perfect starfucking. Send yours to tips@gawker.com.

Friday:
• Somersault, opening today at Sunshine Cinemas, "delves into the inner workings of a 'slut.'" We'll give you a preview: insecurity and cheap booze. [flavorpill]
• Radiohole presents Fluke, an ocean-themed production from the avant-garde theatre troupe known for its "irreverance and exposed genetalia." Play doctor with them tonight at PS 122. [Paper]

The doormen and the building owners reportedly reached a tentative deal at the last minute last night. So a strike won't happen. Nor will our plan of sneaking into 740 Park for a look-see. Alas.

• The state of New York is the nation's leader in migration outflow, losing an average of 182,886 people per year; metropolitan New York area is also up there, averaging 211,014 people yearly. You know what? Good! Get the hell out of here! But it's not like a mass fucking exodus will burst the housing bubble. Only seven or eight apocalyptic horsemen can do that. [NY Sun]
• The California Supreme Court threw out a sexual harassment lawsuit from a former writer's assistant on Friends, ruling that "trash talk is part of the creative process." Remember that when you want to tell your boss to fuck himself — now you can, the law says so. [CNN]
• TomKat becomes TomRat, which is uncomfortably realistic. [Gallery of the Absurd]
• The Post makes an earnest attempt at some Page Six humor — but not really of the self-deprecating sort, which means it's not really funny. [NYP]
• It's always fun to screw with spammers. It's even more fun when there are deaf kids involved. [Corporate Casual]
• The Times doesn't really know much about this Pinch guy, but they sure are hungry for a Sulzburger. Har, har — thanks, we'll be here all week! [CJR]
• The Observer's Bridal Blog confirms what every stressed-out, bride-to-be already knows: Grooms are nuptially retarded. And they're all yours for a lifetime. [Bridal Blog]

Sightings are sent in by readers and posted to our Gawker Stalker Map. Send yours to tips@gawker.com.

• Subtle "shatters conventional notions of hip-hop" for a group of people who, we're guessing, have aboslutely no idea what "conventional notions of hip-hop" are. Watch the confusion tonight at the Knitting Factory. [flavorpill]
• Not only is Cyndi Lauper still alive, but she's hitting Broadway. Watch Hell freeze over at the opening night of The Threepenny Opera. [Paper]
• Meet the mystery men behind your favorite commercials at Voices Behind the Scene: The Art of the Voice Over. 10 bucks says they're all under 5'10" — there's something about big voices and little men. [Upcoming]

• The Fiery Furnaces bring their "sissy, psychedelic Satanism" to Bowery Ballroom tonight. The normal, blow-induced Satanism returns tomorrow. [flavorpill]
• Circuit benders flock from the four corners of the earth to Bent 2006. For those of you who have no fucking idea what circuit bending is, there are workshops and lessons and, um, concerts. We figured if we mentioned this odd event, maybe one of you would build us a robot. [Bent Festival]
• The Times' lovable Kristof headlines at an Amnesty International panel on Darfur. Sadly, not even his shiny new Pulitzer can distract us from Suri, which sounds enough like an African nation to keep our guilt to a minimum. [Upcoming]

Sightings are sent in by readers and then posted to our Gawker Stalker Maps. This is our occasional compilation of some of our favorites. Send your sightings to tips@gawker.com.

Ever since the demise of Battle of the Network Stars, you've assumed you won't have a chance to watch dozens of sitcom personalities hanging out together. We thought the same. Until last night, when the cute boy with whom we saw The Threepenny Opera (verdict: meh) brought us for a post-theatrical drink to a little spot called Bar Centrale, upstairs from Joe Allen on Restaurant Row.

69 people were left stranded when Roosevelt Island's two trams lost power at about 5:20 PM last night, leaving commuters dangling for up to 12 hours. Passengers included about a dozen children, New York Press illustrator Alex Gamburg, and Kelsey Lazio, daughter of former Long Island Rep. Rick Lazio. The two cars, one stuck over the East River and the other at 60th Street and First Ave, were supplied with a bucket full of food, water, and diapers while authorities worked on a rescue plan. We were fortunate enough to catch the brilliantly awkward local Fox anchors suggest that the adults put those diapers to good use.

Sightings are sent in by readers and then posted to our Gawker Stalker Maps. Send your life-threatening adventures in celebrity sightings to tips@gawker.com.

• Everyone's favorite Vogue-bot Plum Sykes emerges from her fur-lined oxygen chamber tonight to read from her latest, The Debutante Divorc e. Will you love to hate it as much as you did Bergdorf Blondes? We can only hope. [Paper]
• Blogger-types don real pants and brave the public eye tonight for the WYSIWYG Talent Show. At least, we hope they don pants. [WYSIWYG]
• The Martha Graham Dance Company celebrates its 80th birthday with a week of performances about town. How a modern dance company lasted 80 years, we'll never know — but we sure do love the final number in Center Stage. [flavorpill]

We haven't had a chance yet to comprehensively check the entire paper, but we're confident we've identified the best quote in today's Times. From the frontpage article on the resurgent popularity of police horses: