Jessica Simpson hopes a coyote returns her dog. Bill hoped that Hillary would be Al's vice-president. And Jude Law's baby-mama hopes to make a buck. Good morning, and welcome to your Wednesday morning Gossip Roundup!

Kelly Ripa getting a hot dog with son Joaquin ... Karolina Kurkova walking in Tribeca with fiance Archie Drury ... Agyness Deyn riding her bike to Bar Pitti ... Bar Refaeli walking near Bryant Park ... Kate Gosselin arriving at her hotel ... Shia LaBeouf riding a motorcycle while filming scenes for Wall Street 2 on Park Avenue ... Kim Kardashian walking with Jonathan Cheban in Midtown ... Jude Law talking on his cell phone outside, and later hanging out with friends in the West Village ... Megan Fox getting out of an SUV in front of Rockefeller Plaza ... Kim Cattrall walking on the Sex and the City 2 set ... Hugh Jackman unloading an SUV ... Rosie Perez waving to the crowd at the US Open ... Mary-Kate Olsen walking in Tribeca ... and Leighton Meester walking in the meatpacking district with her stylist Logan Horne.

• Even President Obama has acknowledged (unofficially) that Kanye West's microphone-snatching episode at the VMAs made Kanye a "jackass." Lucky for Jay Leno—and his ratings—Kanye apologized (again) on the comedian's primetime debut last night. "It was rude, period... I'm just ashamed that my hurt caused someone else's hurt," West said. [NYDN, People, Us]
• Topper Mortimer is hooking up with Vogue editor Valerie Boster. (It's about time the dude moved on.) Meanwhile, his ex, Tinsley, is having issues with her new reality show. Producers are trying to drum up other socialites to make appearances since she's not "dynamic enough on her own." [P6]
• Jeremy Piven won't be hugging it out with the Public Theater any time soon. His lawyers have served the venue with a cease and desist over its play, "The Piven Monologues," which details his fishy bailout from "Speed the Plow." [P6]
• Patrick Swayze has died after a 20-month battle with pancreatic cancer. Stars have been paying tribute to the Dirty Dancing star via Twitter, and the old-fashioned way, in released statements. [NYDN, People, Us, Star]

Megan Fox was being cute by calling Michael Bay a "Nazi" regarding the Transformers 2 shoot. Some Michael Bay crew members wrote a letter about Awful Megan Fox on Michael Bay's site, which has since been censored. Just awesome.

• It looks like there's a new frontrunner to take over BusinessWeek. Mayor Bloomberg's media company, Bloomberg LP, has bypassed Bruce Wasserstein as the leading contender to take over the McGraw-Hill-owned mag. [NYP]
• After close to three decades at ABC News, John Stossel is leaving the network to join Fox News and Fox Business Channel. [FNC, TVN]
• Not all magazines are closing down or trimming operations. Cesar Millan and IMG have launched a title for dog owners called Cesar's Way. [WSJ]
• There's been an editorial shakeup at O, The Oprah Magazine. [NYP, WWD]
• Will this season be the last for Oprah Winfrey's daytime talk show? [NYDN]
• Graydon Carter appears to have been granted a pass. The Vanity Fair editor reports he hasn't been forced to sit down with the flock of cost-cutting McKinsey consultants now prowling the halls of Condé Nast. [NYO]
• A judge has tossed out a lawsuit by Missy Chase Lapine, the author who claims Jessica Seinfeld ripped off her cookbook last year. [AP]
• According to the Wall Street Journal, "Bonnet books," or Amish love stories, are "a booming new subcategory of the romance genre." Who knew? [WSJ]

• Are Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez engaged? The actress was spotted wearing a big diamond on her ring finger this week, which means "either A-Rod is making it official, or Ms. Hudson made some very careless jewelry choices." [NYDN]
• It's the battle of the Bravo reality TV stars on Twitter: Bethenny Frankel says Rachel Zoe is "self-important." Zoe claims Frankel is "insane" and "desperate for attention." Of course, you may find it hard to take sides here, since both of them seem to be making perfectly valid points about one another. [NYDN, Jezebel]
• Poor Gwyneth Paltrow suffered a little wardrobe malfunction while going through security at the Barcelona airport yesterday. [Sun]

Gwyneth needs a better bra. The gays need not beg to kiss George Clooney. And Megan Fox knows she doesn't need a sex tape. All that and more in your Wednesday morning Gossip Roundup!

After the orgy end, the hard work begins. There are vomitoriums to be scrubbed and receipts for Transformers 2 to be counted. The summer belonged to Michael Bay and Megan Fox, but this week belongs to the accountants.

Men are chasing after Robert Pattinson. The Lady Gaga Penis Conspiracy continues! Megan Fox might be clinically insane. Paula Abdul definitely is, as are most British People. And Jon Gosselin still sucks. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup!

• Mischa Barton didn't get involuntarily committed to the psychiatric wing of Cedars-Sinai last month because she had a meltdown. Or a drug problem. She says it was because she had her wisdom teeth removed. Sounds plausible! [TONY]
• Speaking of lame excuses, remember how Jeremy Piven said he had to drop out of Speed the Plow because he had mercury poisoning? An arbitrator bought the story, apparently, because he ruled in his favor, dismissing charges filed against him by producers of the show. [NYP]
• Minka Kelly's rep is shooting down rumors that she's planning a fall wedding to Derek Jeter. [NYDN]

Megan Fox says she's more comfortable kissing ladies on screen, Rihanna brings Taylor Swift flowers and Hilary Duff's not playing nice. It's your Friday morning Gossip Roundup!

• Are Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly "secretly engaged" and planning to get married this fall? That's what an "insider" is now telling Page Six, for what it's worth. [P6]
• Parker Posey has bowed out of an off-Broadway play, but sushi doesn't appear to be the culprit: Parker has been diagnosed with lime disease, according to people involved with the show. [NYP]
• Redmond O'Neal, the troubled son of Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal, plans to star in his own reality show once he's released from prison. He says he's only doing it to "honor his mother," but then again you probably knew that. [NYDN]
• The police released video footage yesterday of the robbers breaking into Lindsay Lohan's house last weekend. If you spot anyone familiar, feel free to call the cops. Or congratulate them. Or whatever. [NYP]

Megan Fox will claw her way onto the screen as Catwoman in the next Batman.

Demi and Rumer enjoy some male stripper action, Jessica Simpson angles for an American Idol gig, the fate of Michael Jackson's corpse remains a creepy mystery, Lady Gaga abuses men, Britney sports a new bikini, and Hugh Grant contemplates retirement.

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are struggling, men are turning against Megan Fox, Bar Refaeli is boning a "Brazilian playboy" named Ricardo, Kid Rock hates Twitter, Marilyn Manson issues threats and Kate Beckinsale parties with Eva Longoria and Victoria Beckham.

• The love affair that the media once had with Megan Fox is clearly waning. Now that she's promoted the Transformers movie in every possible venue on the planet, a bunch of editors have picked Aug. 4 as "Megan Fox media blackout day." [NYDN]
• Investigators looking into Michael Jackson's untimely death searched Dr. Conrad Murray's house yesterday and left with cell phones and a hard drive. [People]
• Bar Refaeli was seen getting hot and heavy with her new boyfriend, Brazilian playboy Ricardo Mansur, in St. Tropez. [P6]
• Hulk Hogan and his wife have (finally!) reached a settlement in their divorce case. He'll get to keep his collection of bandanas; the couple's collection of blonde hair dye will be divided between the two sides. [Us]

Orlando Bloom passes on playing Will Turner to be with his girlfriend, Megan Fox thinks zombies are sexy, Tara Reid is quite skinny, Paris Hilton claims to have inspired Michael Jackson and Amy Winehouse almost dies after a binge.

They like sci-fi! They wear costumes! They play with light sabers! They saw The X-Files movie in the theater! Yes, every year people freak out when they found out that Comic-Con is full of freaks.

Jon Gosselin's pissed Kate Major's lying about them being together. Another parent peddles her kids for money when really, she should be a Spider Man villain. Lindsay Lohan gives me Gwyneth's GOOPy runs. Happy Saturday Morning, here we go:

Hollywood's irascible uncle Rupert Everett flew off the handle again, this time saying that Michael Jackson was a "freak" and better off dead. He's just one of our favorite people who can't be tamed by a publicist.