Hi everyone! I'm Alex Pareene, the new guy. Or the old guy, sort of, as I've actually worked in the Gawker bile factory in some capacity for most of my adult life, like a little Dickensian orphan. I am from Minneapolis, I edited Wonkette from January of 2006 until last Friday, I thought The Darjeeling Limited was way better than The Life Aquatic but still basically disappointing, and although I am slightly allergic to cats I totally don't mind if you have one. The last time I did Gawker was, I believe, the first time Lindsay Lohan crashed her car into something or someone, so let's hope for the same kind of luck today.

Well, it happened. Glamour found someone even more special than our old pal Alyssa Shelasky to blog for them. And: it's a boy! Here is a sampling of his deep thots. "But I won't let the breakup get me down. I am an eternal optimist. If I've learned one thing teaching in South Central Los Angeles, it's that a positive attitude is priceless. As my mother always says, 'If one door closes, two will open.' Thanks, Mom! Am I a victim of some false romantic notion? It doesn't bode well that Hollywood can't even get happy endings right. And worst of all: Am I destined to look like Vince while she gets off looking like Jen? Where have all the happy endings gone? Is there such thing as a happy breakup?" Did he mention that he is a teacher? Oh, he did! Yes, he is an ENGLISH TEACHER. Bury the rag deep in your face, for now is the time for your tears.