Hedge fund founder Scott Galloway will be a New York Times board director if he has to hold up chairman Arthur "Pinch" Sulzberger's ego all by himself. Also, he has a pretty sweet Hamptons pad! Chicks dig it. A source tells us Galloway's screening room has "flat screens galore (with the stickers still on them), a volleyball court with bleachers, giant fire pit [and] outdoor showers." Dude, bet his parties are off the hook. Maybe that board seat would free up a little faster if Galloway would let Pinch into "The Snatch Bucklers," one of the many mufftastic nicknames Radar says he and his friends gave themselves in college. To be sure, hazing Sulzberger would entail some serious standard-lowering, but hey, business is business, right?

According to Tragic cop-slugging anger-woman Alycia Lane's boyfriend Chris Booker, the lovable fired newscaster has been offered a job with World Wrestling Entertainment. [HuffPo]

So yesterday we showed you this fantastically priceless video of Fox News host Shepard Smith saying "blowjob" on live TV. "I have no idea how that happened," he says sheepishly. Also probably mystifying to Smith then, is how he didn't manage to come off as a good 'ol snatch-loving Southern boy in today's Observer profile of him. He talked about football and everything! Well, sort of. Mostly he talked about doing Eli Manning, the Giants' native son. "I've met him a number of times," said Mr. Smith. "He's a private guy. He's likes to stay to himself. Eli, as a friend, would be weird. I like him being my quarterback." Hoo boy. We can see his publicist, head in hands, now. Other wince-worthy quotes after the jump.

OMG, did you see that video, the one where a television reporter gets bird shit in his mouth on camera? We did too! Because 800 gullible people sent it to us. The clip is a fake. "That's not our guy. That's not our guy at all," a surprised guy named Chuck said when we called up WXYZ, the local Detroit news station identified by the Huffington Post as the video's producer. "That's not even our microphone," he told us. Yeah, we thought we smelled a rat when we heard the crowd of people laughing in the background. Come on, HuffPo, have you ever seen a local news team out in the field with more than like, a camera guy, and if they're lucky, the van driver? Us neither.
UPDATE:Oh, HuffPo. Editing a credulous item about a fake video with a blase update implying you knew it was a spoof all along is just silly. Especially when your changes get recorded in our RSS feed:

The 60s are back! Thanks to the candidate for change! Attached, Barry Hussein's new TV ad, set to run right here in New York City—which is briefly important again, did you hear? Barack Obama knows America is sick of the same old ways of doing politics. They're tired of dynastic families remaining in Washington for generations. He knows also that everyone loves the Kennedys! At least, most of the Kennedys. The dead ones mostly, plus the ones we don't see too much of, like Caroline. It was so nice of those Kennedys to adopt Barry and make him one of the family! Just like Brad and Angelina! Or maybe he's infused with the spirit of JFK himself, like Suri Cruise! (The Times notes that the spot references the moon landing, which NIXON did, while leaving out the Bay of Pigs. Seriously? You thought they'd include the Bay of Pigs? Why not a drugged-up Marilyn Monroe getting double-teamed by the President and the Attorney General too!) The full ad is below, watch and pine for the black and white America you don't remember but it seemed pretty awesome.

Uh oh...there's a high wind advisory in New York today! Gusts up to 50 mph! Use extra caution! Especially if you find yourself in the vicinity of the New York Times building in Midtown. Seriously, watch your head, that skyscraper sheds parts like no tomorrow. Send us reports of any injuries please! After seeking medical attention, of course. Ahem.

In yet another example of Portfolio's tossing around their coin, the flagging Conde Nast title has now snagged Dana Thomas, the Paris-based Newsweek fashion correspondent. Thomas is the author of Deluxe, an inside look at the decline of the luxury brand, the bestseller of which we were big fans. We're guessing Thomas herself wasn't a huge fan of the errors in the WWD MemoPad item about her big move today. Her upcoming book tour is headed to Australia, not Argentina, and if luxury execs have complained about the book's inaccuracies, they're only talking to WWD.

As if the art world isn't cutthroat enough, a new reality show featuring Sarah Jessica Parker is planning to up the ante. The boilerplate here is "Project Runway," natch, and artists will compete against each other and create works in a variety of mediums. (Hey, remember ArtStar, which ended up airing on an obscure satellite channel?) The Magical Elves team, behind "Runway" and "Top Chef," are developing the show with Miramax. Will it be set in one of the few places that real artists can still afford to live, we wonder? Long Island City, perhaps. [Variety]

News flash: CNET's "ad sales team carries more weight than the editorial team," writes Alex Petraglia, editor of Primotech, a videogames-news site. In the wake of Gamespot editorial director Jeff Gerstmann's firing, should anyone find this shocking? No. But in an attempt to jump on the Gerstmann story, Petraglia has posted a long-winded rant about a new ad campaign plastered all over the Gamespot website.

Everybody's trying to figure out in what format we'll read "stories" (also known as "narratives") in the future, since our attention spans are pretty much shot. The short story has already been trumpeted as dead, blogs mostly suck, and cellphone novels are for Asians. What's left? Oh yeah—the novella! Since they "need less of your time," they're the "perfect form for today's lifestyles." [The Guardian]

New York magazine hints around at Shepherd Smith's gayness as best it can in a Q&A today with the Fox anchor. What's hanging above his couch? "Nothing, nobody," Smith answers. And the last Broadway show he saw? The magazine's 2005 profile of CNN anchor Anderson Cooper carried some heavy subtext as well. "Cooper couldn't have looked more put-together in his impeccably modern black suit, crisp pink shirt, and perfectly knotted purple-and-blue tie," it read. A pink shirt! And crisp, no less! Whatever could they be implying? Enough, we say, it's 2008 for God's sakes, a news anchor can be whoever he wants to be. Test your gaydar against ours after the jump as we rate five top news hosts' homosexuality using five video clips and a terribly loose interpretation of the Kinsey Scale.

Okay, we've had just about enough of AP entertainment editor Jesse Washington, who guarantees in the above video to give you "good bang for your buck" if you pass on exclusive information to the wire service. You remember Washington, right? "If Britney passed away, it’s easily one of the biggest stories in a long time," he told US when explaining why the AP had Britney Spears' obit ready. "If we wait an hour to have a really good obituary for someone like Heath Ledger, we're totally out of the game. And that’s not a place that I ever want to be," he said on NPR this weekend. We've got no problem with the AP canning Britney's obit (we wouldn't want them to be caught off guard like they were with Ledger's.) But this guy could use a handler. Or a muzzle, maybe? It's one thing to respond to press queries with a comment offering explanation. But Washington's remarks are a tetch tone-deaf. Or are they?

Reuters might have another little problem with dramatic photos from the Middle East. The wire service sent this photo out last week with the caption "Palestinian lawmakers attend a parliament session in candlelight during a power cut in Gaza January 22, 2008." The photo—taken, along with a couple similar ones, by Gaza local Reuters photog Mohammed Salem—purports to show how Palestinian leaders are soldiering on in the face of the Israeli blockade and power cuts. Except that it's clearly the middle of the day, and sunlight would be streaming through the windows if the curtains weren't closed.

"Just opened February large print Reader's Digest at the office," a tipster from Michigan informs us. (Actually, it was my Mom). "Article on Patrick Moberg and his subway find right there in large print. Other equally touching stories of love as well." Hah—the large print version of Reader's Digest, intended for Olds! So maybe the illustrator/webster and his Australian Blackbook-interning "girl of his dreams" haven't broken up, as previously rumored?

Funnyish radio celeb Garrison Keillor, of Lake Woebegone fame, dropped a restraining order against his stalker after she said she wouldn't bother him again. "I guess he realized it was all just a big misunderstanding," the stalkette told the St. Paul Pioneer Press. Right! The 43-year-old woman, Andrea Campbell, had been visiting his neighbor and sending "bizarre" gifts of a "petrified alligator's foot, dead beetles and poems," the Baker City Herald reports. Hey, what's one person's "stalkerish" is another person's "romantic."

Mike Wallace, the crazily well-preserved 89-year-old 60 Minutes correspondent had triple bypass surgery over the weekend and is recovering nicely, the NYPost says. Good to hear! Despite the relatively decent health possessed by the rest of 60 Minutes crew, their Achilles heel remains their collective ancientness. Being a television news reporter isn't exactly easy on the ticker-PBS talk show host Charlie Rose practically died last year, but he's got a new gig-as a '60 Minutes' correspondent. Just what they needed, another faultily-wired senior citizen!

Bill Clinton (and his posse) showed up at Conde Nast HQ yesterday afternoon. No one knows why! Except maybe one of you guys—so theories and speculation welcome. Hey, maybe it has something to do with September's Vanity Fair conspiracy that no one has mentioned again, once, since then? Or maybe not! But: "a good many top-level Condé Nasters had left for the annual publishers' meeting Monday and Tuesday in Florida." So maybe he was just there to criticize Joanne Lipman. [WWD]

The Times let embittered and oft-inaccurate tv critic Alessandra Stanley write about something a little more weighty than Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles in today's paper. She gets to review the President's "State of the Union" speech, which happens on TV, yes, but it doesn't involve explosions and there are not really commercial breaks. Thankfully it's often transcribed and distributed beforehand, so Stanley doesn't have to sort of half-remember bits of dialog she wasn't actually paying attention to. But only the real journalists get to write about the bullshit in the speech itself, so Stanley instead babbles some sub-sportswriter-by-way-of-David Broder nonsense about "Dynasties" playing themselves out in some grand Wagnerian opera just behind the scenes (and also in front of the scenes, on stages and behind podiums and such). Because the Bushes and the Kennedys and the Clintons were all sorta there, in Washington, DC, where all of them spend most of their time.

Hey Barack Obama! Washington Post media critic Howard Kurtz really doesn't appreciate you ignoring him and his friends, okay? "Some reporters say Obama seems disdainful toward journalists," Kurtz wrote in his column yesterday. "But the man who touches so many Democratic hearts feels no need, for the moment, to reach out to journalists...a curious disconnect indeed." Um, Howie, it makes us feel kind of uncomfortable when you show us your passive-aggressive inner child like that. If you stop, we'll totes find someone to sit with you at lunch today!

I've excerpted the relevant parts of Harbinger Capital Partners' letter to New York Times management proposing four new directors and a more aggressive online strategy.