Pat Kiernan is the aw-shucks boyish news anchor on NY1 and everybody loves him. His is the gentle face we all see first thing in the morning, easing us into the day with good cheer and sobriety. He reads from the city's newspapers in a soothing 8-minute segment every morning called "In The Papers," which has captivated thousands and thousands of people. It's really quite impossible to explain to outsiders just why Pat Kiernan is the greatest newsman in New York, except for his jolly, bumbling colleague Roger Clark. Anyhow, Doree (the nice ex-Gawker one) wrote a profile of the man for the Observer, full of interesting Kiernan trivia. Did you know he hosted The World Series Of Pop Culture on VH1? We did, because there's a clip of him reading the lyrics of "My Humps" in his competent, Canadian voice. What are you gon do with all that ass inside them jeans, Pat?:

Elle magazine has more internal drama at its website than one fashion website deserves! Elle.com is perhaps Hachette's most visible site, so its success is an important totem for the company to prove it knows how to do digital things right. But after some ballyhooed comings and goings at the site that have been noted here over the past month, media types are wondering whether Hachette is planning a total restart of its online properties. Well, even more new turnover at Elle.com could mean just that!

Tony Ortega is editor-in-chief of the Village Voice. He's also the man who accidentally came across a big pile of Harvey Weinstein's trash on the street in Tribeca, papers he kindly shared with readers this week. Of course, this was the same week that a recording of a private conversation between Weinstein and uber-producer Joe Roth was publicly leaked and one in which Page Six revealed that a former employee of Weinstein's is planning to publish tell-all book about the movie mogul. But there's no connection whatsoever—at least if you buy Ortega's account of how he came across the documents.

I've long wondered why the New York Times, perhaps the world's most sophisticated news-gathering operation, writes articles about fitness that would be an embarrassment to a fifth-grade PE class. Really now. Times readers were certainly grateful that the paper of record brought its unparalleled resources to bear to answer imponderables like "Does Weight Lifting Make A Better Athlete?", or "Should we stretch?" But perhaps such questions would better be left to, you know, the sense god gave a rock. I know the media wants us all fat and broke so we consume more media, but come on. Well, fuck it. I give up. Today they reveal that sweat cools you off:

How, we ask you, could someone named "T. Boone Pickens" possibly be bad? T. Boone is, as you have probably guessed, a Texas billionaire. An oil billionaire! But he does not spend his billions on running moonshine or buying the world's largest cement pond. No, instead Pickens-who will be played by Charles Durning for the remainder of this post-funds slanderous attack campaigns against Democratic political candidates. The campaigns feature lies so ridiculous that the only people who regularly take them seriously work at every cable news station and many newspapers.

Is there a behind-the-scenes magazine war going on between Vogue and Interview for the services of the best photographers in the business? Sources say there just might be! It's a rather important issue, considering the publications. The spat, we hear, goes to the heart of icy Vogue editor Anna Wintour's sense of entitlement in the fashion magazine world. Do not make her jealous:

A deliciously bitter ex-NYT reporter named John Darnton, who worked at the paper for more than 30 years, has a book coming out called Black and White and Dead All Over, which is murder mystery set at a thinly veiled version of the Times. The terribly-titled (but maybe well-written!) volume features a bunch of obvious allusions to real Times people, including a standards editor who gets murdered (take that, standards). Droopy-faced News Corp. overlord Rupert Murdoch figures prominently as an ominous character named "Lester Moloch." But this isn't the first time Murdoch has been flogged in fictional works. Oh no!

When the winter snows retreat and the spring gives way to the warming rays of the summer sun, urban gentlemen customarily carry an extra handkerchief to dab the sweat that accumulates within their long trousers. But in this modern age, it seems, some fashion-forward men are turning to an odd form of above-the-knee abbreviated breeches, casually referred to as "shorts." The New York Observer kindly explores the world of the daring striders who are unafraid to expose their lower legs on the streets of our metropolis:

Stephen Bower, the A&R and marketing director of Vanguard Records, writes in regarding our earlier post on Vanguard artist Greg Laswell, the "indie" (according to the WSJ) musician who has a slew of corporate promotional deals. "As for Greg's indie cred, I've never been entirely sure what that means exactly, but for what its worth he made the entire new record in a garage, in 3 weeks, on a shoestring budget, and with a collection of pawnshop guitars, banjos, and noisemakers that would probably set you back $500 combined," says Bower. Noted! His full rumination on Laswell, indie-ness, and how all your favorite bands are forced to do corporate shit these days, after the jump.

Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein has always resented the fact that peers made more money than him with what he deemed to be inferior films. These days, he's obviously overcome this problem by milking reality shows for millions to prop up his more artsy products; but he couldn't always be so sanguine. Here we have a priceless and EXCLUSIVE classic from the archives: a recording of a phone call between Weinstein and Disney exec Joe Roth, taped shortly after Michael Ovitz-a spectacular failure as head of Disney-was paid more than $100 million to leave the company in 1996. Weinstein is galled beyond belief (and perhaps a bit envious). "Let's quit today!" he jokes. Why, he works his ass off and what does he get? A fucking lecture. "Joe, you're a success, so therefore you're a failure in this business," Weinstein complains. Then he insults his fellow moguls: "Between Peter Guber and Mike Ovitz and everybody who fucked up...Everybody got wealthy on failure." Weinstein just cares too much about the films, you see; "We have character flaws that must be overcome," he sighs. Thanks to Project Runway, he's done so. Click to listen to the titan of Hollywood in all his expletive-spitting glory.

People magazine has always been sickeningly nice in its celebrity coverage-it interprets kid-glove coverage as "respectability" in the generally not-nice celebrity news world. They've even crowned Anne Hathaway a "princess" for finally breaking up with her con man boyfriend, for chrissake. Part of the problem is editor Peter Castro, last seen here partying it up in the Bahamas on the corporate dime while the rest of the company crumbled. Shady anonymous whisperers tell us he likes to suckle at the teat of Madonna, figuratively!

Rumor from where The Rich hang out: Charles "Chuck" "Commodore" Townsend, the CEO of Conde Nast, has gotten engaged to Jill Roosa—she's been spotted with an engagement ring. It *looks* like Roosa has a picture of Townsend posing with her on her Facebook page, and there are multiple pictures of them together in their natural habitat, the New York Yacht Club. Anyone know any details about the happy couple? Email us.

Craig Seymour is a college professor who was living a boring little life in Washington, DC when he said, quote, "Fuck it" and became a gay stripper. And now he wrote a book about the whole thing, as strippers who are also writers are wont to do. And you'll never guess who Seymour's good "cool ass white boy" pal was back in the day. That's right, internet politigossipmonger Matt Drudge! Who loves nothing better than soap operas and Chaka Khan remixes:

Yesterday's rumor of Hearst folding Quick & Simple magazine was quickly confirmed by several emails that poured in to our world news headquarters. (You know your magazine has problems when "rapidly rising paper prices" can do you in for good). But at least one staffer had such a P-M-A (Positive Mental Attitude, yall) that we feel compelled to share her note with you. Think of it as a shining example of how to feel good about a bad situation. With wine:

$8 million. Does that seem like a lot of money for a company to pay to have mediocre models use their hair products on a mediocre cable show for a few seasons? It kind of does. But that's how much The Weinstein Company, run by entertainment mogul Harvey Weinstein, is trying to squeeze out of L'Oreal for three seasons of sponsorship of Project Runway. Of course, Weinstein has a long history of pimping out the fashion reality show to every company on earth willing to pay a dime to be on it, using it as a profit machine to support his company's less sure-thing ventures. And he's still milking it for every cent. How do we know? Because he left all the evidence in a public trash can:

This Onion parody of morning news product integration is a smirk-demanding indictment of a news media being hollowed by integrated advertising. What's really interesting, though, is that it's not just a really good parody of morning news or product integration. (Yeah, because we totally need another sketch lampooning product integration.) The surprise is that it's really good war criticism of a kind we haven't seen. Sure, Colbert and Stewart mock the war, but in abstract, verbal terms. It seems like the Pentagon ban on images of soldiers bodies returning to the States has seeped into the rest of the media. Video after the jump.

CBS war correspondent Lara Logan was recently promoted to "Chief Foriegn Affairs Correspondent," but no one noticed because OMG SEX SCANDAL! The Enquirer broke it, the Post semi-legitimized it, and it's been mentioned now in, like, real newspapers and everything. She slept with some people in Iraq! One of them was married! Some wonder if there is maybe a double standard. Would we hear about the dalliences of male journalists in the war zone? Well... sort of?

All those rumors about Madonna and Guy Ritchie possibly getting a divorce? Not to worry: Madonna's flack, Liz Rosenberg, says publicly that "There are no divorce plans." But wait—is that the same Liz Rosenberg who assured everyone in 2006 that Madonna was not adopting a baby in Malawi? Yes it is! That would be a confirmed lie, meaning that Rosenberg gets added to our always-open list of lying flacks—we've handily numbered seven of them for you, after the jump:

We hear that Hearst's Quick & Simple, the housekeeping tips magazine, has just folded. No word yet on what's happening to the current staff, but there's been heavy turnover there for months, particularly in advertising and marketing. Any further info? Email us. [UPDATE: Ad Age says it's true. Click through for the spelling-challenged intro to a perfunctory goodbye note from a Q&S editor.]

NBC newsman Tim Russert died of a heart attack more than two weeks ago, but that doesn't mean that it's too late for desperate flacks to try piggybacking on the man's death in order to snatch a little media coverage for their most marginal clients. For example, here's a question you've probably been asking yourself since that fateful day: "COULD HOLISTIC MEDICINE HAVE SAVED TIM RUSSERT?" Holistic medicine pioneer and tasteless quack Raphael Kellman, MD says "YES!":