It's almost enough to make you feel sorry for the belligerent old Viacom and CBS owner: Sumner Redstone is facing the sort of debt that would send most people into a nervous breakdown. First he has to weasel out of paying an $800 million Bank of America Securities loan before the end of December. But that's not the worst of it. He then most get unanimous consent from 55 separate institutions to refinance another $800 million loan. The Post thinks he might be toast:

We were thoroughly confused yesterday by the feud that erupted between model/heiress Lydia Hearst and the Post. Why would the tabloid's gossips alter Hearst's Page Six Magazine column to make it look like she was trashing her family, then release a column preview exposing their fabrication to the world?Something seemed fishy. And indeed it was: The self-proclaimed socialite "journalist" has had her columns ghost-written all along. SHOCKER!

Despite the economic meltdown, and despite having its debt downgraded to junk status, the New York Times Company does not plan any more layoffs, Times editor Bill Keller told staff. There had been rumors of a 20 percent headcount reduction, but according to Keller's prepared remarks, as presented by the Observer, the paper thinks it can get by with some extreme belt-tightening. "There will be no luxuries and little comfort," Keller said rather darkly in the midst of a sugary pep-talk. That still doesn't explain how the Times Company will pay the half-a-billion dollars it has coming due over the next couple of years.

The Wall Street Journal does not, historically, endorse presidential candidates. But the newspaper has a new owner since the last election, Rupert Murdoch, who said he was considering changing that policy. It's hard to imagine the rabid right-wingers of the Journal editorial page jumping in the tank for Democratic nominee Barack Obama. But if the WSJ were to be planning an Obama endorsement, it would seem natural for conservative blogger Matt Drudge to get ahold of the news first, as he seemed to be implying in one of tonight's headlines, pictured at left. (The graphic reads "Presidential Material/Barack Obama.")

Hey, how about some more terrible news? The LA Times is laying off 75 people from editorial. "This is about 10% of our total staff and these cuts are comparable in scale to those made on the business side of The Times last week." Sigh. So soon after their redesign launch! Yes well innovation director Lee Abrams will probably have something innovative to say about all this, soon. This is not even the extent of the bad news. See, over the weekend the FAS-FAX circulation numbers came out and basically everyone lost. Circ was down more than 5% for the LAT. Meanwhile, on our coast, the Newark Star-Ledger is slashing 40% of its newsroom staff. They are trying to sell the paper but no one wants it. It is basically a bad time to enjoy getting a paycheck. Sadly, the Newspaper Industry is not too big to fail.

OK, who's sending all the white powder to New York newsrooms—and can you snort it? Reuters evacuated their newsroom today due to a powder-filled envelope. Last week, the New York Times had to seal off some elevators and evacuate one floor after a similar incident—which, as we reported, was scary, but no reason to stop working. Nothing to see here, folks. (We hope.)

Page Six is reporting that somebody is going through celeb trash in order to "bare their secrets," such as the prescription for Mary Louise-Parker's thyroid medication. Surprisingly, that "someone" is not Page Six themselves. We have to congratulate the garbage trawler—that's great shoe-leather reporting. (Maybe it was Village Voice editor Tony Ortega—that's how he got his got his hot Harvey Weinstein scoop!) Since we sadly have a bit of experience in dumpstering, here's a how-to guide on finding interesting things in the trash—especially since the economy's going straight to hell and you might need to.

Ron Burkle, supermarket magnate and friend of Bill Clinton and sleeper-with of models, used to own a magazine, with his friend Yusef Jackson. The magazine was called Radar. Last Friday, Jackson and Burkle closed the magazine and sold its carcass to AMI. It's not really clear why Jackson and Burkle invested in Radar to begin with, except that they wanted to be media moguls, maybe? Then it turned out that being a media mogul doesn't mean publishing one sarcastic niche title, really. Burkle made his money with supermarkets. It is quite profitable, of course, to own all the supermarkets, because people need to eat. But, you know, it's not very glamorous! And Burkle enjoys flying around on his private jet with famous people, and globe trotting with politicians, and partying, and models. He likes models. One can enjoy this lifestyle with supermarket billions, but isn't it more fun to enjoy it with media holdings? So at some point he and Jackson decided to invest in Maer Roshan's crazy magazine about "pop and politics and pop culture and scandal and pop" or whatever the hell the tagline of Radar 3.0 was. And they gave him 15 issues to do with as he pleased, and he did eventually turn out a pretty good product. But the money wasn't there, because it was a new magazine, and there's not even money for old magazines anymore. And honestly it was probably not as exciting and fun to own a magazine as Burkle thought it would be! It's tough, because he also wanted to secretly own the magazine, and no one who secretly owns things gets the same pleasure Rupert Murdoch does from personally tearing up the Wall Street Journal and remaking it in his image. And Murdoch loves newspapers. There's really never been any evidence that Burkle loves magazines. Murdoch will take a loss for years on something like the New York Post. Burkle didn't give Roshan the five years he said it'd take to break even on Radar before he pulled the plug. Because if it's not subsidizing his lifestyle, it's not worth the cash. He's a capitalist, obviously, and Radar was not a charitable endeavor, but if we had his fortune we wouldn't mind wasting it on the talent Roshan brought together. Back to controlling distribution and sales of food! Unlike media, mac and cheese is recession-proof!

♦ Campbell Brown is reportedly pregnant. [TVNewser]
♦ Arianna Huffington and Tina Brown aren't in competition. They're best friends! [NYT]
♦ The Robb Report is on the market. The price? "Upwards of $100 million." [Folio]
♦ NBC has exiled the struggling Lipstick Jungle to Friday nights. [Variety]
♦ CNN's new (and appallingly unfunny) political humor show starring D.L. Hughley debuted this past weekend. [NYT]

Model/publishing heiress/socialite Lydia Hearst—who once proudly listed "journalist" among her occupations (presumably with a straight face)—just quit her column in Page Six Magazine. "The Hearst Chronicles" was full of zeitgeisty revelations like "I just ordered banana-scented scratch-and-sniff wallpaper for my kitchen," but the porcelain-skinned model did win points with us for slamming Hearst Publications for not canceling their Christmas party amid layoffs and a recession. But wait—Guest of a Guest reveals Lydia's resignation letter, in which she says she didn't even write the item criticizing Hearst:

This year is just terrible across the board for local TV stations, whose traditional advertisers in financial services, automotive and retail have been slammed by the economic downturn. The only way they've been able to struggle through is with billions of dollars in political advertising, led by a record $250 million over five months for Barack Obama. According to the Times' David Carr, that's "a rate of advertising that outstrips Burger King, Apple and Gap on an annualized basis." What will the stations do when the election is over? Hell, what will Saturday Night Live, the Daily Show and David Gergen do?

Though they may lavish Wall Street Journal reporters with leaks and other scoops, American corporate executives tend to keep their names out of the newspaper's editorial pages. Overt support for the opinion section's relentlessly right-wing politics carries too much risk of customer blowback. But FedEx founder and CEO Fred Smith will tolerate no such sissiness. A former George W. Bush fraternity brother, Smith was named as a possible Bush defense secretary and has become involved with John McCain's presidential run. Fair enough. But Smith has to figure many customers might take it personally when tells the Journal opinion section "a majority of the population" is unproductive and greedy:

Is there any doubt left that comedian Tracy Morgan's character on 30 Rock — Tracy Jordan — is basically the actor himself, as reimagined by former Saturday Night Live castmate Tina Fey? If Morgan's comments to Us Weekly earlier this month didn't confirm that, the following vignettes from this week's New York magazine profile should finish the job nicely:

It is easy to be so taken by Arianna Huffington's charm and personal history that one loses sight of the big picture. Just ask the New Yorker's Lauren Collins, whose profile of the Huffington Post publisher had too much on Huffington's yoga and sleeping habits and not enough about how she operates her business. The Times, too, seems to be overly concerned with personal narratives this morning, educating readers at length about how Huffington and royalist competitor Tina Brown went to fancy London parties together in the 1970s and both dated older men, so they're friendly rather than cutthroat competitors. Whatever. The real question: How is either of these money-losing publishers going to attract advertising?

You're the leader of a global jihad and spend all your time fleeing from cave to cave and plotting only the vilest of terror attacks (gotta stay focused!). But extremist Middle Eastern editors are burning up your satellite phone with urgent demands for a book on how one "dispenses money, logistical support and training to radical groups in over 50 countries." Decentralized management is so hot right now! What's a would-be martyr to do? If you're Osama bin Laden, the answer of course is to hire a ghostwriter. Per Pakistan's Geo TV (via Times of India):

What's one more bit of bad media news on this dark, gloomy Friday? ABC News sent out a memo today saying that the bad economy is causing them to cut back on expense accounts, travel, and conference attendance, cancel all of their holiday parties, and, ironically, cancel all of their subscriptions to print magazines and newspapers (which will help the environment, they note!). And most painfully for ABC execs:

We called it the Great Magazine Die-Off, but it is the work of an angry Media God. We should take this time to reflect what we have done to irritate him so, for He is smiting us, laying off people in great multitudes, and killing magazines. He's about to pair us up two-by-two and load us all onto a big boat (the seas of the Internet?), so that he can flood the media and destroy it in order to save it. Radar was the sacrificial lamb, and we hope that He accepted that sacrifice—but let's be honest, CosmoGirl and 02138 deserved to die. (Was it advertorials? Is He mad about advertorials?) We can only hope that the great flood that is now upon us will wash away the media-sin, and desperately try to cling to the ark. After 150 days, we'll wait for a dove to return with an olive branch in its beak. We're hoping the bird won't have the face of Arianna Huffington—or the mark of the Daily Beast.

The new editor of RadarOnline.com—presumably replacing Alex Balk—will be David Perel. He's the current editor of the National Enquirer! So what does he do on the same day that AMI buys the website and everyone there gets laid off? He tells CoverAwards, “I have already been contacted today by some top entertainment and news journalists who want to be part of this new venture. I am looking forward to putting together a new team that is the best of the best. We are hiring now!” Uh, is it just me or is that an enormous prick move?

National Review's The Corner is the best blog in America if you enjoy abject despair, self-delusion, denial, desperation, and embittered finger-pointing. As yet more conservatives defect from the McCain camp, Cornerites press on, demanding that the media investigate Obama's birth certificate and calling Democrat-endorsing Conservatives traitors to the cause. Today, National Review Online ran Kathleen Parker's amusing column on how McCain selected Palin because he wants to bone her. National Review Online editor (editor! she's in charge of the site!) Kathryn Jean Lopez posted to The Corner a bitchy, bitchy preemptive response to the column without mentioning it by name or linking to it. It's a wonder. Enjoy! [The Corner]

And it continues: 02138, the glossy mag for Harvard alumni that was bought by Manhattan Media last May, is folding. The magazine was conceptually pretentious and we've made fun of it plenty in the past, but honestly, we don't really have the heart right now. At this point we support any publication with paying jobs. The Great Magazine Die-Off is going to be a bitch. The full statement on the magazine's death is below: