In your modernist Monday media column: Print porn gets desperate, Metro leaves America, reporters now work in coffee shops, and your dumb college newspaper articles are all on your permanent record:

Twitter has now replaced press releases at the New York Times. The paper is just wrapping up a "strategy" presentation to the newsroom, which is helpfully being live-twitted. Let's listen in! [UPDATED below]:

• Star Trek reeled in $76 million at the box office this weekend. [WSJ]
• Metro is selling off its collection of free (and money-losing) newspapers to Seabay Media, a company controlled by Metro's former CEO. [WaPo]
• Playboy says it's planning to make "radical changes" to the mag, and may raise prices as well as reduce the number of issues it prints every year. [Folio]
• Jon Stewart is creating a two-hour special for the History Channel. [B&C]
• Lit agent Larry Kirshbaum is shopping a memoir by Rafael Nadal. [Crain's]
• More speculation the Sulzbergers will be forced to give up the Times. [NYP]
• Speaking of the Times, a San Francisco organization paid columnist Tom Friedman $75,000 for a speech he's given before (and which is online). [SFC]
• Brit chef Jamie Oliver and Ryan Seacrest are working on a new reality show for ABC that will "give healthy makeovers to an entire city." Be afraid. [THR]

Could shady Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim become the New York Times Co.'s biggest shareholder in the next couple of years? Sure he could, easy! It all depends how greedy the (broke-ish) young Sulzberger kids are:

Iran is abruptly freeing Roxana Saberi, the freelance American-Iranian journalist who'd been sentenced to eight years in prison last month for spying. US government arm-twisting wins! So what about those other jailed journalists?

• Execs at CBS, NBC, ABC and Fox are supposedly "seething" that the president's three news conferences have cost them $30 million in ad revenue. [THR]
• Is the New York Times Co. heading towards bankruptcy? [E&P]
• More budget cuts at the Star Ledger and San Francisco Chronicle. [E&P, HP]
• The LA Times introduces a new weekly magazine this Sunday. [Folio]
• Star Trek is off to a fast start. The pic grossed $7 million last night alone. [EW]
• It looks like television and radio advertising is rebounding a bit. [MLM]
• Former Radar editor Maer Roshan is now the editor of TheWeek.com. [NYP]
• The Simpsons got its own series of postage stamps yesterday. [Reuters]

• CBS posted a first-quarter loss as the ad recession took its toll. [THR, NYT]
• News Corp. reported a 70 percent drop in quarterly profits. [LAT, B&C]
• Profit dropped by 46 percent at Warner Music during the same period. [PC]
• Sirius XM posted a $236 million quarterly loss and also announced that its number of subscribers declined for the first time ever. [AP]
• Cablevision plans to "explore" a spinoff of Madison Square Garden. [NYT]
• News Corp. chairman Rupert Murdoch says he plans to charge readers to access the online content of his newspapers in the near future. [E&P]
• The new Bob Dylan album is No. 1 on the charts this week. [THR]
• Felix Dennis says The Week is for sale. For just $200 million. [Folio]

In your survivalist Thursday media column: Domino staffers sell their swag, Boston Globe staffers give in, magazine staffers pull pranks, and more:

Oh no, everyone is being all mean to Carrie California because she is an idiot and she subscribes to some of the more popular bigotries! Lady should be thanking the Homosexualist Agenda.

We knew media mogul Barry Diller enjoyed the occasional spin on a mountain bike—he's pictured here on a bicycle at last year's Allen & Co. media confab—but we didn't realize he scooted around Manhattan on a Vespa. But that was one of Diane Clehane's revelations when the Mediabistro contributor turned up at Michael's yesterday for her customary Wednesday lunch:

Jonathan Tilove is a veteran Washington reporter who's seen three different employers close their bureaus in the past year. Have faith: this week, the Virgin Mary appeared on his desk:

$3.2 million apartment-owner Jared Kushner has fired the New York Observer's cleaning lady. Too expensive.

In your desperate Wednesday media column: Baseball writer fired at baseball game, a Harpers ripoff, News Corp has big plans like everybody else, and even more!:

Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos unveiled the Kindle DX, a large-screen e-reader, today at the site of the New York Times's former headquarters in Lower Manhattan. The message: He's the future and newspapers are the past.

• Walt Disney reported that profits plunged 46% last quarter. [Variety, WSJ]
• Mort Zuckerman's plan to save newspapers involves bingo. Really! [NYM]
• The New York Times Co. has reached a deal with the unions at the Boston Globe, although it may take a few weeks to vote on the compromise. [E&P]
• NBC's Washington headquarters is contaminated with asbestos! [NYO]
• Tricky Dylan Ratigan isn't joining ABC after all. He's going to MSNBC. [Gawker]
• Michael Wolff may hate the New York Times, but if it weren't for the Times, he'd probably have nothing to rant about on his unknown website. [HP]
• Amazon unveiled its fancy, new Kindle reader today. [NYT, E&P]

ABC News investigative reporter Brian Ross got suckered into a 2007 story about the effectiveness of waterboarding, that turned out to be false. ABC's newest defense sounds just like...Dick Cheney, defending waterboarding:

Finally, Hipster Grifter Kari Ferrell is going to be famous! Dateline NBC is working on a story about her. Her notoriety has trickled upwards! And Philly is crazy for the Grifter and her "sexual propositions"!

In your eye-watering Tuesday media column: Advertising plunges, newspapers fiddle and burn, The Onion's boss tells em why he's mad, son, and DC reporters are hopelessly Obama-crushing:

Author Michael Gross suggested over the weekend that the Costume Institute Gala, hosted by Anna Wintour, represents the Vogue editor's attempt to compete with Graydon Carter's equally star-studded Vanity Fair Oscar bash every February. "Graydon and Anna are competing for the social crown. It's the social-status factor that defines those magazines," explained Gross. So did Graydon deign to stop off at last night's celeb-fest at the Met?

Professional media beef-starter Michael Wolff is starting another beef! It's just what he does. Today's target: NYT media columnist David Carr, who Wolff says "I've never personally liked very much." We know why, Michael!