Today, MediaTakeOut—the internet’s foremost source of beyond absurd celebrity gossip with dadaist headlines—posted a story titled “GROUPIE TALES: Popular INSTAGRAM THOTTIE Spills The Tea . . . On What Makes Rapper Drake GO WILD IN BED!!! (Warning – VERY Graphic Content).” The post, and its subsequent comments, raise a number of pressing questions.
Fred Mwangaguhunga, the proprietor of gossip website and chamber of all-caps hyperbole MediaTakeOut, has been making the media rounds lately. To honor the occasion, we decided to assemble an exhaustive hierarchy (from least to most exclusive, roughly) of his creation’s daily EXCLUSIVE!!! reports, which often turn out to be completely wrong. Enjoy.
Yesterday, the incoherent jumble of insinuations, flat-out lies and chiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllleeeees that is MediaTakeOut posted a MTO SUPER DUPER WORLD EXCLUSIVE featuring pictures of NFL free agent Kerry Rhodes "ON VACATION ... With One Of His 'MALE FRIENDS!!'" In its homophobic way that villainizes but stops short of exhibiting direct malice, MTO branded the shots of Rhodes and a much wispier dude seemingly canoodling in a tropical setting as "suspect."
MediaTakeout gives birth to a surprisingly catchy conspiracy theory: "The word behind the scenes at the VMAs was that Beyonce was wearing a PROSTHETIC BELLY." She's only eight weeks pregnant, MediaTakeout says, but remember that they also said Beyonce was several weeks pregnant in March 2010. Maybe fetuses age in reverse dog years?
