As if it was not already pernicious enough of fast food chains to create mascots for your children to feel inclined to befriend their chicken nuggets, McDonald's has traded in the workaday skeeviness of Ronald McDonald for the nightmare-inducing Happy, a giant Happy Meal box with dentures that wants to eat you.

Multinational corporate food stuffer McDonald's has decided to spice up your starch intake with a drizzle of seasoning. Soon, at your local St. Louis or northern California hamburger supply chain, you'll be able to get Zesty Ranch, Garlic Parmesan, or Spicy Buffalo flavor packets to mix onto your french fries. With instructions.

"Historians called what happened a 'fever,' while lawmakers debated what should be done to end the plushy pussy mayhem." It is not just disappointing, but disconcerting, to find that this story is about a toy giveaway at McDonald's.

Next to computer software and hairstyles for the bald, no field in the business world offers more competitive innovative thinking than fast food breakfasts. Witness the vast array of culinary creativity currently on display from our nation's leading dining options.

The nearly-naked woman who destroyed a McDonald's kitchen in Pinellas Park, Florida wasn't drunk or on drugs when she did it, and says she doesn't remember most of her rampage.

A Florida woman wearing nothing but a thong rampaged through a St. Petersburg McDonald's Monday, banging her head on the counter and then attempting to take apart the kitchen with her bare hands. Eventually, she chilled out by eating soft-serve straight out of the machine.

McDonald's announced on Friday that it's suspending operations at its three restaurants in Crimea due to "manufacturing reasons." In a laudable move, the company guaranteed its Crimean employees jobs at McDonald's locations in Ukraine and offered to pay relocation costs, including three months in rent.

Sweden has The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, and now Norway has The Boy With the McDonald's Receipt Tattoo. He's an 18-year-old from Lørenskog, and he'll always remember exactly what he ate on Monday‚ because it's inked on his right arm.

We should all strive to love one thing as much as Zachary Boynton of Oneonta, N.Y. loves McDonald's. Last weekend, Boynton was so determined to eat at McDonald's that it took two separate arrests to stop him.

A coalition of McDonald's workers today announced that they're filing several class action McLawsuits against the company for "forcing them to work off the clock, shaving hours off their time cards and not paying them overtime."

There is nothing that you, the consumer, love more than a paper bag filled with piping hot breakfast items purchased from one of our nation's fast food outlets. It is the only high point in the otherwise dreary days of the majority of Americans. Fortunately, fast food breakfast will now be more inescapable than ever.

To dispel that old "pink slime" rumor, McDonald's Canada released a video detailing how it makes its Chicken McNuggets. The process is not "pink slime" gross, but it's still sort of disgusting.

Police say buying heroin in Pittsburgh used to be as easy as going to a McDonalds drive-thru and telling the disembodied voice, "I'd like to order a toy."

McDonald's was once known as a "restaurant" where Americans could purchase, at reasonable prices, hamburgers the size and flavor of air hockey discs. Those days are gone. Fast food is a loser's game. McDonald's now aims to be the new Starbucks.

A Queens McDonalds is at war with a group of elderly Korean men armed with canes, walkers and wheelchairs who they say will sit for hours in the restaurant sharing one $1.39 order of french fries.

It seems the reason Super size Me documentarian Morgan Spurlock gained all that weight during the 30 days he consumed nothing but McDonald's wasn't because he ate too much Golden Arches — but because he didn't eat enough.

RIP McDonald's "McResource Line" website: After a remarkable stretch during which it offered terrible and tone-deaf advice—along with one actually useful and healthy suggestion—McDonald's finally shut down its internal, employees only website this week.

"McResource Line" — McDonald's' employee-only resource and advice site — has been dispensing a hot mess of helpful tips in recent months: From advising workers to get a second job, to suggesting they sell their stuff for quick cash, to reminding them to tip their nannies and pool boys generously this holiday season.

The bros at "stunt comedy troupe" Children of Poseidon say their latest "prank" is a "foolproof trick" to getting "free" McDonald's food from the drive thru every time.

Mickey D's got itself into a bit of a pickle after making a bad bet on some chicken wings this quarter.