Matthew Perry, Ms. Chanandler Bong of Friends fame, has listed his Malibu study in geometry for $13.5 million. The angular "Pier House," as it is aptly named for its close proximity to the Malibu Pier, has four bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms and measures in at a 3,677 square-feet.

Scarlett Johansson isn't pregnant, but maybe she wants to be? Matthew Perry returns to rehab. Lindsay Lohan hires a new publicist. (As if that will help.) Friday gossip is optimistic.

On his new show Mr. Sunshine, that is! On The View, Perry discussed his new show, defined "friends with benefits" for Barbara, and revealed how confusing and awesome it is that he gets to kiss Matt LeBlanc's girlfriend on set.

On the second episode of Matthew Perry's Mr. Sunshine ever, the show catered a storyline around special guest Nick Jonas. He stars as a teen heartthrob who "wasn't parented property and [is] very rich—a brutal combination."

Chandler's new show premiered last night where Monica's old-new show should have been, and it blew it out of the water. Also today: lots of pilot casting news including TV roles for movie people, an interesting idea for The Office's future, and a scintillating blind item.

Just so very many people in the Navy seem to be murdered, every week. And you all can't stop watching it. Also today: three rich girls do rich things and want to be congratulated for it, plus casting.

It's upfront week when television networks show potential advertisers what they can expect for the fall season. ABC announced it's new lineup and CBS axed a slew of shows. Let the carnage commence!

We like Zach Galifianakis so much we won't ruin this post by complaining that anyone who first discovered him by watching "The Hangover" doesn't deserve to call themselves a Galifianakis fan. Whoops! Anyway, he is starring in a new film.

• Rosie O'Donnell told Howard Stern yesterday that she "had a chance to romance" Angelina Jolie back when they were both single and they talked on the phone a few times, but they never ended going out for dinner as planned, alas. She also says Petra Nemcova once sent her "love signals" when the model was a guest on Rosie's talk show, but she didn't capitalize on that opportunity either. Rosie has a new satellite radio show launching next week, so don't be surprised if more of these missed love connections surface in the coming days. [NYDN, CM]
• In other creepy celebrity sex news, a new book by controversial biographer Andrew Morton claims that Angelina Jolie slept with her mother's live-in boyfriend when she was 16 years old. And a second Jolie tell-all, to be published on December 1, claims Angie once contemplated suicide, has a history of heroin use, and, when it comes to her relationship with Brad Pitt, has "successfully manipulated the public into believing a glamorous fairytale that bears little resemblance to the reality of the pair's life together." [DM, Us]
• Ashley Dupre popped by Scores last Saturday night. She didn't strip, but she did make out with her new boyfriend PJ all night, so patrons of the strip club didn't go home totally empty-handed. [P6]

It's a day to bring back the old in Hollywood: last week's TV shows, yesterday's stores and TV stars from a decade ago are lining up for their reboots. If they can make Batman fresh, why not Chandler?

William Jefferson Clinton—the man, the myth, the legend—celebrates his 63rd birthday today. The former First Lady of the United States, Tipper Gore, is turning 61. Actress Kyra Sedgwick is 44. New York City councilmember Melinda Katz is turning 44, too. Friends star Matthew Perry is 40. Former presidential candidate Fred Thompson is 67. GOP political operative Mary Matalin is 56. Literary agent Lynn Nesbit is turning 71. Actor Peter Gallagher turns 54. Entourage's Kevin Dillon turns 44. Oscar-winning composer Gustavo Santaolalla is 57. Rapper Fat Joe is turning 39. Country singer Lee Ann Womack is 43. And one of the greatest actors of his generation, John Stamos, will be blowing out 46 candles on his cake today.

The return of Sex and the City, the not-return of Matthew Perry. Strange movies and people win strange festival awards, and Slovenia finally gets some sunshine.

Click to viewBoomp3.com After years and years of development, production finally began on Bros, Matthew Perry’s long gestating Friends spin off, in West Hollywood on Wednesday afternoon. In Bros, Perry’s popular “Chandler” character serves as the den bro to a couple of young plucky bros looking to make it Hollywood (one’s a chef and the other, you guessed it, a writer!). Perry felt that Bros really spoke to an untapped audience —men— while retaining the charm of the original series. Perry said, “It still has the heart and charm of Friends, but it’s edgy like Californication and moody like Mad Men. It’s a real modern and charming bromance between a group of bros who’d die for each other.” Perry did not rule out any guest appearances from his old Friends co-stars, but would like the series to focus on one certain thing: namely, bro-ing down. [Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Bill Clinton is 62 years old today. We're sure he'll find a very special way to celebrate. Others who will be blowing out candles today: Kyra Sedgwick, who is turning 43, author Frank McCourt, who is 78, and the Bronx's very own Fat Joe, who is celebrating his 38th. Former Republican presidential candidate Fred Thompson is 66 today. City Council member Melinda Katz is turning 43. Literary agent Lynn Nesbit is 70. John Stamos is 45. And Matthew Perry—remember him?—is 39.

And just as we anticipated, Gunther and Naked Guy holding out on the rumored Friends reunion movie has unraveled the project completely, with various cast members now saving face by acting like it was never in the cards to begin with: "'Nothing is happening in this regard,' said Matthew Perry's rep in a statement. 'The rumor is false.' This sentiment was echoed by David Schwimmer's publicist, who said, 'there's been no discussion about it.' And dealing the final blow to the rumor was a rep for Jennifer Aniston, who said that his client was unaware of any such project, and who questioned by she would have any interest in revisiting her sitcom days." [OK]

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

With every passing week, the developing relationship between John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston begins to feel like one of those soap operas we used to watch before vowing never to watch another soap opera again. In the pilot, we viewers were hooked and enticed by Aniston’s fembot nipples and Mayer’s tattooed tricep, the beachside love affair reeling us in just like the first episode of Paradise Island. The sophomore effort’s plot involved the first climactic turn of events: John was “bored”! Jen was “clingy!” In this week’s episode, the relationship has reached that rosy point in which the new-ish couple begins introducing each other to their Friends. Literally. As the Daily Mail reports, Mayer has become part of that fun little sixsome we’ve loved, hated and grown indifferent towards, inducted by Aniston into bosom buddy Courteney Cox’s strict evaluation system. See how John’s infamous O-face fared with Cox after the jump.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, the terrorists will have won! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Teri Hatcher and a band of 12-year olds on a scavenger hunt.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you catch John Krasinski cutting ahead of you in line at the airport.

· Var insightfully notes that picket lines full of bored writers marching in endless circles with little else to do but chat, network, and dream up theme events have transformed into something of a "social scene." [Variety]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Tom Hanks On A Budget Edition: Matthew Perry will play a grown-up version of Disney superstar Zac Efron in Big-in-reverse project 17, in which a suddenly teenaged, mysteriously overtanned Perry/Efron enrolls in high school so he can hang out with his children, who wonder why the "new gay kid" keeps trying so hard to become friends with them. [THR]