"While everyone and Matt Lauer has recently jumped on the Twitter bandwagon, did you know that Inside DVF has been twitting for quite some time?" We didn't, actually, but we were wondering what on earth gave Lauer the idea to start tweeting, and it's nice to finally have an answer. [DVF]

• Matt Lauer's "deer incident" won't keep him down for long. He's reportedly in "good spirits" after undergoing surgery yesterday to repair a separated shoulder and will be back to work in a few days. [Star]
• How did Bruce Willis meet his new wife, Emma Heming? He picked her out during a casting call, just like any normal person. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan is sick of "people telling lies" about her since she's "really a good person" who just wants to put in a honest day's work. Got that? Good. [People, Us]
• Barbara Walters is planning to quit ABC in the near future so she can "spend more time with her boyfriend, Dr. Robert Butler." Or at least that's what "industry insiders" are telling the Enquirer. [NE]
• The cutbacks at Condé Nast continue: Editors like David Remnick and Ruth Reichl have been forced to take the subway! [NYP]

• Bruce Willis tied the knot with Victoria's Secret model Emma Heming this weekend at his home in Turks & Caicos. He's 54; she's 30. Guests at the wedding included his daughters, Madonna, and Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. [NYP, LAT]
• Natasha Bedingfield got married on Saturday, too, to a California businessman in Malibu. [People]
• 64-year-old tech billionaire Jim Clark married his 28-year-old girlfriend this weekend with a four-day event on Richard Branson's Necker Island. Guests included Naomi Watts, Liev Schreiber and Ed Norton. [NYP]
• Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart finally got engaged. [People]
• Alas, it's not all happy news: Agyness Deyn and Albert Hammond Jr. have reportedly broken up. [NYM]

The swimming fella Michael Phelps was on the Today show this morning talking about his BONG SCANDAL, now that everyone has stopped caring. He's not saying what he did but he won't do it again*.

• Did Kelly Killoren Bensimon ask her boyfriend to lie about getting beat up so she could use it as a PR ploy to "better her chances of being asked back" on Real Housewives next season? That's what her bitchy co-stars are saying as part of a PR ploy to get the attention turned back on themselves. [NYDN]
• Estée Lauder CEO William Lauder is being sued by Taylor Stein, who gave birth to his baby in 2007, for stopping child support payments. [P6]
• In an interview with Matt Lauer, Michael Phelps says he made a "bad mistake" in South Carolina, although he's still not saying what this mistake was. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan has settled the lawsuit filed by a woman whose $11,000 coat LiLo took from 1OAK last year. Also: She left her poor bodyguard stranded in Las Vegas earlier this week. [P6, P6]

CNBC hires only the finest financial minds, such as Erin Burnett. You say the Great Depression was bad? She says: "The invention of the chocolate chip cookie." Game. And. Match. [Click to watch]

Did you catch Jim Cramer's rant on Today this morning? Appearing alongside Matt Lauer and Erin Burnett, Cramer called President Obama's budget a "radical agenda," adding "This is the greatest wealth destruction I've seen by a President." It seems Washington couldn't resist an opportunity to fire back. "I'm not entirely sure what he's pointing to to make some of the statements," said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs. "And you can go back and look at any number of statements he's made in the past about the economy and wonder where some of the back-up for those are too." Indeed. [TVNewser]

Not to be outdone by colleague Kathie Lee's same-sex flirtation, Today show host Matt Lauer invited NBC newsman Brian Williams on to cohost this morning. Chemistry and sexual-dynamism as palpable as Kathie's hatred for Hoda.

Matt Lauer is supposed to interview Barack Obama for the Superbowl pre-game show any minute now. He could use a good chat following his terrible week of endless dissing.

Godlike Hudson Hero pilot Chesley Sullenberger canceled a Today show interview Monday, but promised to come back and give Matt Lauer the exclusive when he could talk. But he lied!

After all the "banning" bullshit, NBC had Ann Coulter on the Today show this morning. She is that person you didn't want to invite to the party, but did, and then wished you hadn't.

Nightlife vet Amy Sacco turns 41 today. Strangely, Today show co-anchors Meredith Vieira and Matt Lauer happen to share the same birthday, too: Meredith is turning 55, while Matt is 51. Fox News' Sean Hannity is 47. Entertainment lawyer Allen Grubman (and the husband of Deborah and father of Lizzie) is 66. Tiger Woods is turning 33. Film director Bennett Miller is 42. Patti Smith is turning 62. WCBS political reporter Marcia Kramer is 60. Actress Eliza Dushku is 28. R&B singer Tyrese is 30. Comedian Tracey Ullman is 49. LeBron James is 24. Laila Ali is 31. Heidi Fleiss is turning 43. And New York County Clerk Norman Goodman—the man responsible for all those jury duty summonses—is 85.

• Lawyers for Madoff may be planning to mount an insanity defense if the case goes to trial. [NYDN]
• Madoff has until Wednesday to provide a list of all investments, loans, lines of credit, brokerage accounts and other holdings to the SEC. [Bloomberg]
• In the meantime, forensic accountants are looking into whether Madoff sent large sums of money to offshore accounts in places like the Caribbean. [Guardian]
• Not surprisingly, l'affaire Madoff should keep a long list of lawyers very busy for a very long time. [NYP]
• Although Latin Americans are believed to have been big losers in Madoff's scheme, very few have come forward to acknowledge the losses. [WSJ]
• A burglar stole a $10,000 statue from Madoff's Palm Beach estate. [NYP]
• Bernie Madoff's most famous neighbor, Matt Lauer, isn't so thrilled by the reporters camped outside their building on East 64th Street. [P6]

Tom Cruise reunited with Matt Lauer on the Today Show this morning, and fortunately for the audience, Cruise's strategy appeared to be, "Bring the crazy up front and as early as possible."

Wandering the set of the Today Show this morning, manic actor Tom Cruise tried to live down his 2005 "glib" outburst and reminds us why live TV is not his friend.

Except for the simmering, hate-fucky annoyance that Matt Lauer dishes out to Ann Curry on a daily basis, Today had always existed in a G-rated realm of sexuality until this past fall, when the gloves — and the blouses — came off. First, Marcia Brady revealed touching tales of family-bred syphilis, then the bastard son of Jay Thomas doffed his shirt to reveal some silky lingerie. Today, though, Lauer had to contend with a producer who blew his throw to commercial with a rather distracting, extreme close-up of French First Lady Carla Bruni's rack. It was while watching this show that Barack Obama turned to Michelle and said, "You're only doing GMA from now on." [Today]

"When is the right age to get married?" was the question on Today this morning. "I dunno... when did you get married?" Vieira obliviously asks Matt Lauer, who's been divorced once, and whose second wife split from him while she was pregnant (and filed for divorce in 2006) before they eventually got back together. Awkward! Hilarity ensues.

♦ Amy Poehler and husband Will Arnett became parents for the first time on Saturday when Amy gave birth to a son, Archie. [Us]
♦ Madonna is in "meltdown mode," and asked her assistant to gather all the items she received from Guy Ritchie so she can "bury them." Guy, meanwhile, has reportedly said the couple's marriage began to disintegrate when she started planning their sex life around her workout schedule. [MSNBC, Daily Mail]
♦ Jennifer Hudson is offering a $100,000 reward for the return of her nephew, who went missing on Friday when her mother and brother were fatally shot. [People, Access Hollywood]
♦ Lindsay Lohan doesn't want people thinking she's a lesbian just because she's dating a girl. [NYDN]

If Brooke Shields and Tom Cruise could patch things up after Cruise called her a pseudoscience-worshiping devil-thetan incubator (we're paraphrasing), then surely, we thought, Cruise and Matt Lauer could eventually let bygones be bygones. You may remember how the actor and anchorman tussled back in 2005 when Cruise accused Lauer of not personally, personally understanding either Ritalin, postpartum depression, or why the son survived in War of the Worlds. Now, we hear, the Friars Club Roast of Lauer that just concluded in New York featured a surprise, couch-jumping guest. Says KTU reporter Paul Westcott:

♦ The Madonna-Guy Ritchie messiness continues: The biological father of Madonna's adopted son says he might be better off in his native country of Malawi, Ritchie supposedly told friends that having sex with Madge was like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle," Madonna has described Ritchie as a gold-digger, and the two sides aren't even close to finalizing a divorce settlement, which means this is going to continue for a long, long time. [NYDN, Mirror, NYP, SS]
♦ Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen may get married at Tavern on the Green, of all places. [P6]
♦ Sam Ronson and Lindsay Lohan got into a little fight aboard the Acela. [P6]