Can you tell the Olsen twins apart?

Earlier this month, retired private investigator Mary-Kate Olsen was declared the worst Olsen twin of all time by her younger sister Elizabeth. On Friday, Us Weekly reported she is engaged to her boyfriend of "nearly two years," banker Olivier Sarkozy (half-brother of former French president Nicolas).

A debate which has divided the union for nigh on three decades was swiftly and definitively ended on television last night, when a viewer calling in to Bravo's "Watch What Happens Live" asked guest Elizabeth Olsen (sister of the famous twins): "Who do you like better: Mary-Kate or Ashley?"

Do you hate the way you're always losing loose prescription pills at the bottom of your backpack and then your French boyfriend is like, "OÙ SONT THE PILLS? J'AI BESOIN DE PILLS!" And you're like, "My arms don't reach! My arms don't reach!"?

Oops, nevermind, that's her boyfriend, 42-year-old Oliver Sarkozy (half-brother of former French president Nicolas). They're in love! Happy Veterans Day.

Brunching with your best friends is supposed to be the best part of your sad and hopeless existence, but sometimes, doing Sunday brunch is hard work. You will surely have to wait in a very long line. After finally getting seated, you will be given terrible service because the restaurant is just way too busy. These two things make the meal very long and you might run out of things to talk about very quickly. Use this cheat sheet and your friends might start calling you queen bloody mary.

If you are barefoot and poor and couldn't afford to buy the Olsen Twins' infamous $39,000 crocodile backpack from their label The Row before it sold out last year, I knew there was a reason we weren't friends.

Page Six reported Wednesday that America's weird young spinster aunt Mary-Kate Olsen, 25, is now dating Oliver (né Olivier) Sarkozy, 42, the half-brother of former French President Nicolas Sarkozy. According to the Post, the two were spotted in the Hamptons over Memorial Day weekend (presumably together, or this ain't much of a story), and have been dating for about a month.

"We seem to have gotten a donation of Tyra Banks' 'fantasy novel' Modelland," New York City's famous Housing Works Bookstore writes on its Tumblr, "with one copy for Ashley Olsen and one for Mary-Kate Olsen." It's very nice of them to call it a "donation," but the fact that the books still have their Post-It dedications inside makes us wonder if they were ever even cracked open. "So excited to share my fantasy novel, Modelland, with you. I hope you enjoy it!" both notes begin. "SMIZE!" she writes to Ashley; "Stay fierce and fabulous," she advises Mary-Kate. Housing Works is selling both for $100.

Taylor Lautner frequently forgets to water and feed his abs. Did AnnaLynne McCord get a boob job? A reality "star" says Mel Gibson impregnated her. Vogue names the Olsen twins "best dressed." TGIFriday gossip.

A $39,000 backpack from the Olsen twins' luxury fashion line The Row was "the first thing that sold off the shelf," according to Ashley. "During our last economic crisis in the U.S., the only thing that went up was Hermès." That's why she designed this mind-bogglingly expensive backpack, made exclusively from the skin of the mysterious fourth Olsen sister, who lives in a cage in their basement. You thought Elizabeth Olsen was the secret one? Hah.

Like a runaway train on a runaway track, Fashion Week is still hurtling into the horizon, wrecking everything in its path. Well, it's at least littering it with sequins and empty champagne bottles. Let's look at today's flotsam and jetsam.

Looks like our little Dakota Fanning is making good on her plans to attend New York University, almost mater of the Olsens and James Franco's West Village sleep-n-study center. Good for her!

Did Mary-Kate hook up with Kanye on his birthday? Does Jennifer Lopez bathe in the black magic blood of Santeria chickens? Does Kim Kardashian need a decoy engagement ring? Did LeAnn Rimes make a sex tape? Friday gossip has questions.

Last night, Anna Wintour's charity boondoggle, the Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, brought out the brightest in the fashion world and tons of celebrities wearing their couture finest. But it wasn't easy walking that red carpet.

In this scene from their 1992 classic, To Grandmother's House We Go, watch the young Olsen twins dance awkwardly to the music of a street performer before chucking fried chicken into his saxophone case.

While Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have managed, throughout the years, to frighten people with their fashion choices, it's never been anything quite like this: a clip from one of their films, slowed down, and turned into the scariest thing ever.

Our long national nightmare is over: Dancing With The Stars returns tonight. Oh, and also the Olsen twins have finally sold their 5,700-square-foot five-bedroom penthouse in the Far West Village's 1 Morton Square condo castle, the same penthouse that Mary-Kate and Ashley—who today's kids think are famous for being fashion designers—never occupied and have been trying to sell since 2005.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have postponed their show at Fashion Week tomorrow because "production and delivery of our samples is delayed." They will present the latest in Amish bag lady chic at Paris fashion week, instead. [WWD, image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Ashley Olsen tells Harper's Bazaar she would love to see the first lady wear her and sister Mary-Kate's fashion line. Considering they wear outfits like these, we don't think simple and elegant Michelle is gonna bite. Image via Getty]