A lady named Sheryl Weinstein—who helped a charity sink $40 million into Bernie Madoff's funds—is writing a book about her (sordid?) affair with Bernie. The big winner here: Ruth Madoff.

Perhaps it was his over-entitled LA Lakers fandom that caused Alex von Furstenberg, heir to Barry Diller's fortune, to think that (attempted) public shaming was the best reaction to a basketball star pursuing his fiancee. That, or stupidity. Same thing.

In a lesser town, Emmanuel "Ojo" Ojofeitimi would have been just another dude whose wife got angry at him for cheating and poured a cauldron of boiling water over his genitals while he slept. In New York, we have tabloids!

Countess divorceé Marie Douglas-David's long ordeal is mercifully drawing to a close. The lovelorn Swede has nearly reached a settlement with her CEO ex-husband, George Davis, the world's biggest pussy. Marie shall be rewarded the bare minimum necessary to survive.

George David, the wealthy ex-husband of Swedish countess divorceé Marie Douglas-David, is happy to reveal himself as the World's Biggest Pussy to fight his ex-wife's gold-digging. We just go along with this dynamic! Today: George David's no P-I-M-P.

Anthony Weiner, the annoying whiz-kid congressman who didn't run for mayor this year because he didn't think he'd be able to beat Bloomberg, decided to get married, instead. Sorry, ladies! Huma Abedin is about to become Mrs. Weiner.

Barack Obama can't remember exactly how he met his wife, Michelle, the mother of his two daughters. But he at least remembers that they did meet, which is the thing that matters, right? So leave him alone!

Francis Ford Coppola is a big fat guy who sits in his California mansion, drinking wine and thinking up movie ideas. He is also an astute critic of marriage. His problem? If his wife works, who will cook and clean?

Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick "Santorum" Santorum thinks Barack Obama's date with his wife was probably a bad message to send The Black Folk.

According to a study out this month in Motivation and Emotion but excerpted in the Economist, if you smiled in high school, you'll live happily ever after. If you glowered, you'll glower to the grave.

Oh, wow, is it spring already? Must be, since the seasonal "Marc Jacobs is getting MARRIED!" rumors are now upon us, courtesy Women's Wear Daily.

The US lost 2 million jobs in the last three months. Unemployment hasn't been this high since 1983. So aren't you worried about how this is affecting New York marriages? A certain magazine is!

Salma Hayek weds, African baby thought he had dibs. [E!]

Someday, Fergie and Josh Duhamel may have an inquisitive, precocious child who asks, "What was your wedding night like? How was the sex?" And Fergie will answer, "Why tell you when we can show you?"

Being a media mogul can get tiring. Could the news that New York magazine owner Bruce Wasserstein is marrying a younger woman signal a bit of loss of interest in his marriage to the magazine?

Thus far there are five major competing theories as to why Caroline Kennedy pulled out of the Senate race so suddenly and mysteriously. We list them, and give exact statistical odds, below:

You know what's always cute? Kids doing crazy adult stuff. Like these German tykes who wanted to get married in Africa. We smell a movie deal.

Just months after making Matt Lauer cry inside about his divorce, Meredith Vieira proclaims a tourist couple's 30-year marriage over on the Today show. Click to watch the mean lady who causes all divorce.

New Williamsburg It girl, the Nylon-'working' 19-year-old Brit tabloid smash (and washed-up rockstar daughter!) that is Peaches Geldof, has so pulled the second-oldest trick in the book:

The lady pictured with terrifying Jim Henson Creature Workshop creation/popular talk show host Rush Limbaugh up there is Kathryn "Kate" Rogers. Oh, look at that, she's got a ring! Congrats to Rush Limbaugh, for popping the question to this woman (according to what she's been hinting to friends!) who surely loves him for his winning personality (which is the same reason he loves her, obv). Kate, 32, is a party planner and is currently planning the Super Bowl or something. Rush divorced his last wife in 2004. Go ahead and congratulate Katie at her Facebook page!