♦ Is Kate Hudson trying to steal Alex Rodriguez away from Madonna? She was spotted with her "arms completely wrapped around" him at a party in Miami this weekend. But she might just be trying to steal Jason Statham away from his girlfriend, since the two were seen downing dirty martinis together. [NYDN, P6]
♦ A PETA activist pelted Lindsay Lohan with a bag of flour at an event in Paris on Saturday. Sam Ronson responded by dissing the activist on MySpace: "My dog is far more civilized than that person." [People]
♦ Kanye West was arrested in London on Friday after an altercation with a photographer. Now he's suggesting the entire episode was "bogus," and has upset some Brits by comparing himself to Princess Di. [People, The Sun]
♦ Sarah Palin may collect a $7 million advance if she writes a book. [MSNBC]

[Gwyneth Paltrow and Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez from here, click through for the bigpic]

♦ Remember last month when Gwyneth Paltrow said she was trying to be supportive of her good friend Madonna during her divorce? It seems Madge was less than moved by the gesture and now she's warning Gwyneth to keep her mouth shut and "say nothing about me or my divorce." [National Enquirer]
♦ Meanwhile, Madonna has supposedly been telling a "close pal" that Alex Rodriguez sends her poetry and "has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body." [P6]
♦ Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are supposedly planning to "officially get engaged" while they're in Paris this week. [The Sun]
♦ Now that she's back from London (where she reportedly brought 20 pieces of luggage on a three-day trip), Mariah Carey is supposedly organizing her holiday vacation to Aspen, where her plans include rolling around in the snow in a red bikini and decorating her bedroom to look like the North Pole. [MSNBC, The Sun, P6]

♦ Jennifer Aniston is finally speaking out about her breakup with Brad Pitt. In the December issue of Vogue, she says what Angelina Jolie did was "really uncool," and that she had no idea that Brad had cheated on her until she read about it afterwards. [MSNBC, NYP]
♦ The security guard who roughed-up Brad Pitt at the premiere of his own movie on Monday night says he was only trying to protect Brad by helping him get away from a pack of aggressive photographers. [ET, NYP]
♦ Madonna is supposedly considering a career as a movie director so she can "rival" her ex, Guy Ritchie, at least according to her nutty brother Christopher Ciccone. She should have more time to pursue a directing career if she chooses to: Officials in Malawi have said she can "forget" about adopting another baby as long as she plans to bring it into a "broken home." [The Sun, MSNBC]
♦ Billy Ray Cyrus says he is trying to get Malia and Sasha Obama to appear in an episode of Hannah Montana. [NYDN]

♦ At yesterday's Fashion Group International panel on fashion retail, Simon Doonan chatted with Sally Singer, Bloomingdale's fashion director Stephanie Solomon, and InStyle's beauty director Amy Synnott about the pervasive doom and gloom in the retail industry. Doonan's take: "It's really terrifying. But I think my job is to sustain the idea that fashion is exciting and glamorous. We really need to do our best even if sales are plunging." [WWD]
♦ When deciding who should front its next campaign, did Louis Vuitton go for someone fresh, edgy, and exciting? Nope, it's supposedly Madonna. [stylefile]
♦ Because now every article on Michelle Obama's person must be identified, priced, and judged: She wore Maria Pinto to the White House, and those dangly earrings she wore on election night? White gold with diamonds, priced at $11,000, and designed by Loree Rodkin. [WSJ, The Cut]

Guy Ritchie was reunited today with his two sons (yes, even that turncoat Rocco) after weeks apart, but his estranged ex Madonna made sure that the happy meeting came attached to a brand-new set of strict stipulations. Though Autotuned utterances of "Contract, Guy, Contract" didn't seem to help her marriage any, the sinewy pop star hasn't demurred from the format, instead drawing up a list of 12 simple rules for seeing her pre-teen sons. The Daily Mail's got each one:

• Us Weekly issued a formal retraction saying Guy Ritchie is not sleeping with actress Kelly Reilly. Was apologizing to Reilly "for any potential embarrassment" the gossip may have a caused a big passive-aggressive dig at Ritchie? Just asking! [Us]

♦ Guy Ritchie met up with sons David and Rocco in London yesterday for the first time since October, but only after agreeing to follow a list of rules issued by Madonna, which included no new friends, no fast food, no newspapers, and no TV. [Us, Mirror]
♦ Back in the US, Madonna supposedly threw an "intimate dinner party" at her apartment so she could introduce Alex Rodriguez to a group of her friends. [Mirror]
♦ One week after Tim Robbins experienced a few problems trying to cast his vote in the presidential election, officials now say they pinpointed the issue: Robbins turned up at the wrong polling location, which he might have known if he'd bothered to vote in the mid-term elections. [NYDN, P6]

♦ Madonna's neighbors in her Central Park West building aren't happy that she has turned her seventh-floor apartment into a music studio. (It was originally supposed to be an office for Guy Ritchie.) Now she stays up all night blaring music and practicing for her shows. [NYDN]
♦ Alex Rodriguez is thinking of following Madonna on tour next month when she plans to make stops in Brazil, Chile, and Argentina. [R&M]
♦ Is Jennifer Aniston secretly leaking pregnancy and marriage rumors about herself to the tabloids as a way to steal attention away from Brangelina? [MSNBC]
♦ Friends of Padma Lakshmi want everyone to know she is not a gold digger. She's a "hard-working, self-made woman" who just happens to only date extremely wealthy, older men. [P6]
♦ Peaches Geldof and Max Drummey's 97-day-old marriage may already be on the rocks. [The Sun]

• Fameball and celebrity spawn Peaches Geldof, 19, was shocked to learn her secret wedding to musician Chester French, 24, may not, in fact, "last forever." In fact it may not last 100 days, pending the results of yet another secret getaway. [Sun]

♦ Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker are apparently incapable of getting along: A day after Kim confirmed that there will be Sex and the City sequel, Parker told fans "not to get their hopes up" and that "Kim is excited, but all the deals are not yet done." [Daily Star, People]
♦ It looks like spending time in court, soup kitchens, and sanitation departments hasn't helped Naomi Campbell much. She infuriated passengers on her flight back from London on Tuesday by cutting in line while going through customs at JFK. She swears it wasn't her fault because it was the airline that offered her an escort. [R&M]
♦ Ian Schrager is getting married next Saturday. The bride-to-be is a ballerina named Tania Wahlstedt. [P6]

· Madonna! Justin! Britney! Dodger! Stadium! Also: TV on the Radio at the Wiltern. · Hollywood Pin Up Girls present the Super Sexy Burlesque Show show at the El Cid. Va-va-voom! Are we right, fellas? · Judd Apatow Repertory Player Charlene Yi presents Charlyne Yi's Music Box at the UCB Theater, playing new songs she wrote solo or with friends. 9:30 p.m. Stick around for Naked Babies improv at 11.

• So Anderson Cooper told Ellen DeGeneres "Honey, I don't even know where to begin" with NeNe from Real Housewives of Atlanta. That was Tuesday. Now NeNe is inviting the CNN anchor to ogle her chest and "get down and dirty" and have some "brown sugar." Her husband, an obvious CNN viewer, is totally fine with this.

♦ Now that she doesn't have Guy Ritchie to boss around, Madonna is finding more time to control everyone else: She's supposedly been "begging" Gwyneth Paltrow to leave her London home so they can spend more time together in New York. She's also busy orchestrating a reunion between Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears: All three will be performing together at Madge's concert in LA tonight. [The Sun, E!]
♦ Padma Lakshmi is apparently on a "man-search" for a filthy rich boyfriend now that her flings with Ted Forstmann and Russell Simmons are over. [P6]
♦ Now that the election is over, Tina Fey says she will be officially retiring her Sarah Palin impression. [Extra]

Key Democratic disco-strategist and AARP leotard-model Madonna had much to celebrate as she brought her Sticky & Sweet tour to San Diego last night. The male species was offered a temporary Shit List reprieve as the singer led the crowd in rhythmic clapping, declaring it "a historical evening. This. Is. A motherfucking important evening! This is the beginning of a whole new world. ARE YOU FUCKING READY?!!!" She then shooed security away and encouraged the crowds to rush the stage and embrace each other in "one evening of togetherness." (Got that? Togetherness, America. Togetherness.) Shit. Now we want to see her at Dodger Stadium. [YouTube]

♦ A long list of celebs have been involved in a last-minute effort to get out the vote for Obama, including Oprah, Diddy, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick, Edie Falco, John McEnroe, Mary J. Blige, Russell Simmons, Beyonce, and Jay-Z. In the elderly celebrity writer department, Vanity Fair's Dominick Dunne says he postponed surgery so he could vote today. [R&M, Politico]
♦ Ivana Trump has been calling Marius Rusovici, the 23-year-old Belgian she's been hanging out with, "her boyfriend," although it may just be a plot to make Rossano Rubicondi jealous. Or stir up some press. Or both. [NYDN]
♦ David Duchovny and Tea Leoni were spotted holding hands while their kids went trick-or-treating on the Upper East Side last Friday, which may or may not mean they're getting back together. [P6]
♦ Sumner Redstone's ex-wife, Paula Fortunato, is still living in his Beverly Hills mansion. But he may have already reunited with his ex-girlfriend, Manuela Herzer. [P6]

Madonna supposedly has the "World's Most Exhausting Workout Routine," because, among other things, she does "dancerobics," yoga, pilates, and even "jogs in the morning while fasting." No jogging with hot dogs for the Material Girl! [MyHogtown; A better way.]

Yesterday the New York Post reported that A-Rod and Madonna crashed at Jerry Seinfeld's $103 million dollar pad in the Hamptons last week, having taken separate helicopters to get there for just a four-hour long stay. Now that the Dominican slugger is hanging out with the Seinfelds, there's not much question as to where he'll be spending his Rosh Hashanahs and Hanukahs, but what exactly did the magical couple do for four hours in the Hamptons before heading back in one copter? Here's an educated guess:When Alex married a woman he met at the gym while he nervously watched her train, he had dipped into the cougar pit for what was probably not the first time. As disturbing as we find the idea of Rodriguez worshipping the Kabbalah, if this is step one to making A-Rod a Jew, we have to support it. Here's how their time in the Hamptons broke down: 2 p.m.: Lunchtime! A-Rod has a cantaloupe, a Caesar salad and a Red Bull, while Madonna drains the blood of a vampire played by Stephen Root in order to maintain eternal life. 2:15 p.m.: Spongebob Squarepants. How do you fill your days?

Now that Madonna has entered the "ex texting" part of her breakup with Guy Ritchie ("OMG Debi Mazar Hates U 2"), it's time for Hollywood's looky-loos to saddle up and choose a side. On Team Madonna, we have Yankee T-friendly Rocco, a concerned Gwyneth Paltrow, and Alex Rodriguez, whereas Team Guy consists of little but his Sherlock Holmes cast, a discarded British accent used by Madonna over the last decade, and maybe Sarah Palin? Someone should ask her! Now, Page Six breaks the news of two new celebs warming the bench for Madonna: Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld, who are loaning out their house so Madonna and A-Rod can get it on.

• Madonna and Alex Rodriguez helicoptered to the Hamptons, spent four hours in a house with Jerry Seinfeld and possibly Seinfeld's wife, then helicoptered back home. Must have been quite a dinner party. [Post, Sun]