I’m hungry.

Cops say a lunch lady at a Chicago high school did more than serve lunch to a pair of brothers, one of whom was apparently underage at the time.

The Hawkins County School District in East Tennessee has reportedly launched a new district-wide meat inspection program after apparently serving six-year-old pork to their students. “It’s not clear,” WATE reports, “if it was tainted.”

National security wonks this week are wondering: Which U.S. spooks in Northern Virginia put out a classified ad seeking a chef with a Top Secret security clearance? Two things are known: The hiring agency runs the CIA's cafeteria, and CIA workers don't think much of their cafeteria.

Lunchables, the popular cracker-n-meat-n-cheez combo meals indicative of how much your parents did not care about your health as a child, are now considered acceptable sustenance for even high school-aged kids. Are adults next?

As many as 40 students at Uintah Elementary in Salt Lake City had their lunches—which they'd already received from the cafeteria—seized and trashed by school authorities because their parents were behind on payments.

A mom who thought she was properly parenting by sending her two young kids to school with a homemade, whole-food lunch was shocked to find a penalty note from school officials informing her that the lunch of roast beef, potatoes, carrots, oranges and milk she provided was "unbalanced" and therefore had to be supplemented with Ritz crackers.

When you have children of your own, you realize for the first time what your own parents went through, things you couldn't possibly have understood when you were a child—and really are better off not having understood, because the knowledge would have been debilitating. There's the abyssal terror at having brought a fragile, trusting life into a world of hurtfulness and destruction, for instance. Not far behind that is the problem of packing lunch.

Odds are, at some point in your life you will have to break bread with someone you don't like.

It's the 70th anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, and across the internet, the right wing is commemorating this world-historical event the only way it knows how: by insinuating bizarre things about the Obamas.

If, like these Canadians, I shelled out two million dollars for one lunch with Warren Buffett, I might ask for the restaurant to be closed. Plus: right by the kitchen? That is the worst table in the house!

June 29 @ 2:30pm At Philippe with Santigold eating lunch. They are sitting at the best table in the house and loads of paps are outside. [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com]

Breaking: "While they have not abandoned their love of food, French people increasingly are resorting to a humble sandwich for the noon meal." But: "sandwich consumption per capita is still lower than in other countries." [WaPo]

Today a blogger decided to have jerk chicken and mac-n-cheese for lunch at an East Village restaurant. He went inside, grabbed a seat, and seconds after his food was served, a hawk swooped in and landed on his plate.

[Get it? That's our president, Barack Obama, at a Five Guys burger shack in Washington DC, pickin' up lunch for everyone like a real regular fellow; image via Getty]

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] April 29 @ 12:51pm On my way to a screening at TFF saw low-key Bill Murray walking to lunch.

Times are tough. Stupid corporate cost-cutting tricks are rampant. Even within the hallowed confines of media companies! And the situation is growing more dire—no more free gyms, babysitting, good coffee, food, or toilet paper:

We are closely following the breaking news at the student-occupied NYU food court, where protesters are fighting for Palestinian solidarity. The most important issues so far: vegan lunches and cigarette breaks. Things are getting tense!

Paging Miss Manners! The recession is now eroding the very cornerstone of our society's system of etiquette: the willingness to pay for a business lunch. Literary agent Larry Kirshbaum says that people have turned into such tightwads, he's often reduced to conducting business over lunch at a cheap diner instead of Michael's and that one "top publisher" wanted to take him to McDonald's. "People are really afraid to spend money," he reflects. "Anything that smacks of too much fun or self-indulgence is being frowned upon." Well, it's understandable. A few slimmer expense reports, and the demolishment of Western capitalism will reverse itself in no time.

Recently the New York Times explained how hard it is to live on $500k a year. Twice! Now the paper reports: nobody's paying for business lunches any more! Is this just a made-up thing? Yes.