Countess LuAnn de Lesseps aural abomination, "Money Can't Buy You Class," continues to amuse. She performed the song on an LA morning show earlier this week. The station's interns laughed at her while she performed.

Once again Brian Moylan has provided me with some questions about last night's Housewives, the big old grand finale for the season. (Until the reunion.) Come remember with us, won't you?

Gary Coleman's wife, who pulled the plug, secretly divorced him years ago. Rob Pattinson frets about typecasting. Lindsay Lohan's cops spilled her coke on the floor. Gummi Bear returns. Thursday gossip is back from the dead.

Real Housewife Countess LuAnn de Lesseps' first music video was leaked last week. After wondering what she did to get her face to look so different, we talked to the creative director of the shoot. He revealed all.

How did this music video for Real Housewife Countess LuAnn De Lesseps' aural abomination "Money Can't Buy You Class" exist for three days without us seeing it? It's because they've completely rearranged her face!

Chris Young, the man who made New York Housewife LuAnn de Lesseps' musical abomination "Money Can't Buy You Class," says he gets 1,400 emails a day from people who want to work with him. Have they heard the song?

We thought the aural crimes of Countess LuAnn's single were bad enough, but now she says she's always singing at dinner and at concerts at her kids' school. There's no auto-tune in real life. Think of the children, Crackerjacks!

Thanks to Bravo, we all know that Real Housewife of New York Countess LuAnn was recording a single in the "Tardy with the Party" style. "Money Can't Buy You Class" has arrived and is as bad as you imagined.

LuAnn, the Countess of Crackerjacks, may have written the book on etiquette, but she was behaving disgracefully at a party this weekend. Do we really expect any of the Housewives to behave like real ladies? Dirty details inside.

• Conan O'Brien's final Tonight Show airs tonight. Then he'll head off to count the enormous pile of cash that NBC just gave him while he waits until September 1, which is when he'll first be permitted to host another talk show as part of the deal he signed with the network. As for NBC, it will air reruns of The Tonight Show until the Olympics start, with Jay Leno officially returning to his (very tarnished) throne on March 1. [TMZ, THR, WSJ]
• It looks like things are going from bad to worse for Mischa Barton. Her landlord has filed a lawsuit against her for failing to pay three months of rent on her $7,000-a-month Tribeca apartment before moving out of the place late last year. [NYDN, P6]
• Lady Gaga looked pretty banged up when she appeared outside her "Monster Ball" show last night to sign autographs. She she had bizarre cuts and bruises all over her arms and legs. And those mustard-colored extensions she's been wearing as of late aren't helping matters. [The Sun, 3am]

• Those rumors about Tiger Woods in rehab have returned. According to People, Woods checked into a sex rehab clinic around New Year's and will be there until "Valentine's Day or thereabouts." (Perfect timing!) As for his estranged wife, Elin Nordegren, she's moved into a new home that's just a couple of miles from the gated community where she used to live with Woods. [People, TMZ, NYDN]
• Have Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel split up? That's what some people are saying, since she spent the last week climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro while he was in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. And couples that are really in love would never spend a moment apart, would they? Didn't think so. [Radar]
• The Post reported a few days ago that Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly have made plans to get married in November. Naturally, this had led the Daily News to report today that the story is totally untrue and the couple hasn't even discussed getting engaged, at least according to one of Minka's friends. [NYDN]
• Forbes released its list of Hollywood's "top-earning couples" yesterday. The winner? That would be Beyoncé and Jay-Z, who reeled in $122 million last year, or more than double what Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt collected. Possibly related: Beyoncé said yesterday that she plans to take a "hiatus" from singing so she can "live life." Which is what you'd do, too, if you made nine figures over the last 12 months. [Forbes, NYDN]
• The Conan-Leno mess is bad news for NBC. But it's also made late-night TV sorta watchable again, which is nice. [Gawker]

• Remember last week when Lindsay Lohan announced that she'd "saved" a bunch of kids in India from becoming victims of child trafficking? Yea, well, it seems she wasn't even in the country yet when that happened, at least according to according to a leading social activist in New Delhi, who has since filed a complaint with the BBC, which was filming Lohan's efforts for a documentary. In any event, LiLo must be totally, like, spent from saving the world: She returned to the U.S over the weekend after spending less than a week there. [Telegraph, People]
• In other LiLo news, the Lohan family website is now selling some of her secondhand clothes. If you'd like to buy Lindsay's hideous wardrobe from back in her Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen days, you're in luck. [P6]
• The New York Post has added an esteemed new columnist to its roster! Ashley Dupre is the paper's new love, sex, and relationship columnist. In her first column, Dupre answers questions about a rebellious teen, how to tell if one's husband is unhappy, whether or not to share your "number," and also offers up some Christmas gift ideas. There's even a video to go with it in which Dupre is dressed up like a naughty schoolgirl. [NYP]

the Real Housewife of New York answering Daily Intel's question, "If you were to try to teach a lesson from" White House party crashers and Real Housewives of D.C. aspirants Michaele and Tareq Salahi, "what would it be?"

Because there are no more pressing matters of political import to attend to, the House Homeland Security Committee now plans to hold a hearing later this week into how Tareq and Michaele Salahi slipped by security to attend last Tuesday's state dinner, and some lawmakers are calling for criminal charges to be filed against the fameseeking couple. But what does fellow fameseeker and etiquette guru LuAnn de Lesseps make of Salahis? "I think the people that would go that far in order to be a celebrity really lack integrity and class," she tells Daily Intel. "I think they get nothing out of it. I mean, I think that they make themselves look bad. They're setting a really bad example of behavior." And you were thinking that marrying an elderly count in order to adopt a noble title was in poor taste! [NYM/Daily Intel]

• Down-and-out former pageant queen Carrie Prejean must be getting really desperate: She's turning to Donald Trump for career advice. Trump suggested she "become a major porn star," make tons of cash and then "give it to worthy causes." Clearly, it's this type of forward thinking that has made Trump the business titan he is. [P6]
• Nic Cage's lawyer now says the countersuit by the actor's former business manager—Samuel Levin claims he warned Cage about his "compulsive, self-destructive spending" years ago—is "ridiculous." As for Cage himself, he's in Somalia right now facing down evil pirates since he's under the impression that his life is one big action movie, but says he'll sort everything out once he gets back to the States. [P6]
• Lou Dobbs is taking a vacation now that he's no longer with CNN. Mexico is not on his travel itinerary, in case you were wondering. [NYP]
• Larry King's 10-year-old son is the luckiest boy in all of Los Angeles today: He's been signed to host his own cable TV show. Ain't nepotism grand? [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse's dad says his daughter's new breast implants are leaking, which is why she's been in the hospital recently. But presumably that's to be expected if you poke yourself with needles all day, no? [Sun]

Last Friday, David Paterson insinuated that he was the victim of racial bias, suggesting that a racially motivated campaign had been organized to keep him from running for governor this fall. A good deal of criticism immediately followed (and today Paterson attempted to back away from his remarks). But if Paterson had been planning to stick with that line of attack over the weekend and possibly coordinate a march on Albany with Al Sharpton, well, that doesn't appear to have been on his agenda. A few hours after raising the race issue on Friday, he cruised out to Water Mill to attend a country western-themed fundraiser at the home of author Jay McInerney and heiress Anne Hearst, where he had an opportunity to play a little charity blackjack with the likes of Kathy Hilton and Countess Luann de Lesseps. And you were thinking that the Hamptons tended to be exclusionary! A few more photos of Gov. Paterson's fun-filled Friday night below.

Were you thinking that what the Hamptons really needed right now was another magazine with party pictures and "inside info" on cool things to do? No? Well, too bad. The Observer reports there's a new kid on the block called The Hampton Spy. Edited by a former Hamptons editor and Hamptons Style contributor, it bills itself as "a digital publication and community." Most exciting of all: Countess LuAnn de Lesseps has already attended one its parties in the flesh. And you can't do much better than that, can you? [NYO]

Aug. 5 @ 10pm [Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] I was walking home, heard a husky voice and saw "the countess." She was obviously wasted and was screaming, "that show is NOTHING without me!"

Housewives come and housewives go, and Bethenny Frankel has graduated from the Real Housewives of New York to her own reality show. Who will they ever find to replace her? Well, we have some opinions on the matter.

• Sharon Stone is denying reports she was detained by the police after she getting into a fight with a flight attendant on a trip to Salt Lake City. Yes, she says, she did get into an argument, but the cops who met her when her plane landed were just there to protect her from hoardes of "autograph seekers." That makes sense! [Independent]
• Count Alex de Lesseps is throwing cold water on the rumor he's reuniting with his wife, "Real Housewife" LuAnn de Lesseps. [P6]
• Beyoncé comes out on top of Forbes' new list of top-earning celebs under the age of 30. The triple-threat is estimated to have brought home $87 million over the past year. [Mirror]