Welcome to the Gawker Guide to the Obscure Olympic Sports You Have Never Heard Of Or Given A Damn About. Next up: Judo, the most gentle martial art and the 17th Most Important Olympic sport.

Welcome to the Gawker Guide to the Obscure Olympic Sports You Have Never Heard Of Or Given A Damn About. First up: Archery—the 14th Most Important Olympic sport and apparently not just for summer day camps!

The most vivid memory that the majority of Americans have of the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, apart from the awe-inspiring opening ceremonies which will no doubt be bested tonight by the appearance of over two dozen Mary Poppinses, was that odd 40-day stretch in which women's beach volleyball was the only thing on television. Not the only competition being broadcast on the NBC Olympic channels. Not the only sport on all the sports channels. Literally the only thing being shown at any time on any channel, including HBO which is not even TV, it's HBO, was women's beach volleyball.

Faced with the arduous task of following the 2008 Beijing Games' jaw-dropping opening ceremony spectacular, hailed by many as the greatest event ever even though it exposed the world to the singing voice of an ugly little girl, the organizers of the London Olympics have adopted the curious tactic of making it up as they go. They seem to be under the impression that, as in a brainstorm, there are no wrong answers when it comes to the planning of a live televised event that will be recorded in the annals of history and watched by millions around the world.

What happens when enterprising citizens of the world's cheekiest nation, Great Britain, are saddled with the insane brand protection regulations of the London Olympics? It sparks a cheekiness arms race to see who can most cheekily get around the rules.

The Olympics are just seven days away and, suddenly, the UK has morphed into that loud family having an ugly argument in the middle of Red Lobster at 6 p.m. on a Wednesday.

Swimmer and lazy person Michael Phelps announced Monday that he has dropped the 200-meter freestyle race from his London Olympic program, bringing his slate of events for the 2012 games down to a paltry seven.

Everyone knows the London Olympics are going to be an advertising shit-show. But a full understanding of the Olympics' all-enveloping corporate embrace requires a trip into the "Brand Exclusion Zone," a desolate region of London where only Official Olympic Sponsors can survive.