Yesterday, state and federal officials announced a $5.1 billion settlement with Goldman Sachs, resolving accusations that the bank behaved irresponsibly in the lead-up to the 2008 financial crisis. But, the New York Times reports, the deal’s fine print reveals that number may ultimately be much lower.
The Masters of the Universe can be identified by their socks. Their millions of dollars, their vast power over commerce, and their socks, which must protrude four inches below the cuff of their suit pants when seated. Any greater length of sock exposure would indicate that the wearer was sitting with his legs crossed. The Masters of the Universe sit with both feet on the floor. These are the alpha dogs.
It's been a rough day for Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein. His company reported a humiliating $428 million quarterly loss this morning, just the second in Goldman's 12-year history as a public company. We figured he might like a sympathy call from the Occupy Wall Street folks, who know how to get by with less. Here's his cell phone number.
Remember when Goldman Sachs was a remorseless, cruelly efficient monolith run by soulless machines intent on harvesting wealth at the expense of the global economy and without regard to consequences?
Performing God's work is tough, and should be rewarded accordingly. So it's no surprise that investment banking executives are still bitching and moaning about a looming Federal Deposit Insurance Corp "clawback provision" that would give the government the right to take back up to two years of executives' pay if their banks fail and they ruin the global economy again. It's obviously The Poors' fault for being poor and and stupid and for losing their money, not the guys who are in charge of it.
Be warned: You are going to be enraged when you hear this news, imbued with all the populist animalism you can muster and smashing crap all afternoon: Goldman Sachs is cutting some jobs in America and adding 1,000 people in Singapore. Are there even words to describe how much the average American will miss its favorite company?
Say you're in charge of a bloodthirsty dictator's stolen $1.3 billion sovereign-wealth fund. You make some risky investments with that money in the early days of the global financial meltdown, and end up losing 98% (!) of it. Then imagine you're Goldman Sachs dealing with Muammar Qaddafi's money!
