• After breaking up with her boyfriend Harry Morton, rabid starlet Lindsay Lohan enlisted Paris Hilton's ex, Stavros Niarchos, in a complicated plot to make Morton jealous and win him back. Her scheme? Be photographed together. Lindsay, you brilliant minx! Too bad it didn't work. Meanwhile: the Chateau Marmont is finally getting rid of Little Miss Liability. [Page Six]
• Fox News DC bureau chief Kim Hume stepped down last week, supposedly because her husband, Fox News anchor Brit Hume, is an arrogant prick. The two bickered so much that they both independently called head therapist Roger Ailes to complain about one another. [R&M]
• A court throws out David Gest's $10 million lawsuit against his ex-wife, Liza Minnelli, after he's unable to prove that her beatdowns caused him chronic headaches. [NYDN]
• Disappointed to learn that he has no money without Whitney Houston, a ride-less Bobby Brown asks television producers for a new car in exchange for appearing on urban cable network One. [Lowdown]
• Don't buy that tweed blazer from Ralph Lauren; it probably has bedbugs stuffed in its sleeves. [Page Six]
• Star Jones sues the National Enquirer for claiming that her husband, Al Reynolds, is gay. Why is she inexplicably determined to continue the charade for no good reason? Unless, God forbid, she actually doesn't know about Al. [TMZ]

• Gays, hold on to your pants, because the ugly is about to get uglier: David Gest, estranged husband of Liza Minnelli, is requesting that the court disregard the duo's prenup, as Liza failed to disclose that she was a herpetic alcoholic with violence issues. Even more horrifying: this implies that Gest learned the truth once he got his own lesions, meaning the two actually slept together. Behold the miracles of science. [E!]
• Tom Cruise continues his descent into obscurity by making appearances as Six Flags and a Redskins game in an effort to appear "average" and "normal." [Wonkette]
• Ashlee Simpson hits Barneys, spends $11K in a mere 30 minutes. And you thought she didn't have talent! Also, post-surgery, she's rather attractive. [BWE]
• According to his ex-wife, cuddly Tom Hanks is a secret hate-fucker. [Page Six]
• Christina Aguilera endures the ultimate humiliation: getting bumped from the cover of Vibe in favor of Bobby Brown. [Lowdown]
• Ian Schrager bans Paris Hilton from his Gramercy Park Hotel. What we'd give to see her drunk ass getting denied at the door. [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen also experience the sting of rejection: having failed to RSVP for a Vogue-happy party, they never got past the entryway. [Gatecrasher (2nd item)]
• Young Hollywood acts stupid, amazes masses by nonetheless walking upright. [R&M (bottom)]

Most card-carrying fags and their hags celebrated Gay Pride weekend by flailing about 5th Avenue, but Liza Minnelli had other plans: her rainy Saturday was spent at lesbian watering hole Rubyfruit, where she crowned winners at the Pet Pride beauty pageant. If anyone deserves to reign over a butch/femme pet fashion showdown, it's undoubtedly the Queen of Queens.

Crazy With a Z [fourfour]
Earlier: It's a Gay Gay Gay Gay World: Liza With a Z at the Ziegfeld

So we went up to midtown last night for Showtime's big premiere of Liza With a Z, the 1972 television special that hasn't been seen in more than three decades. It was — how to describe? — an experience. Some thoughts, in more or less the order they occurred to us:

If we may be enormous fags for just a moment, we'd like to say how embarrassingly excited we are to learn that Liza Minnelli will be singing "New York, New York" at Bloomberg's inauguration Sunday.

· Liza Minnelli and David Gest's anniversary party was nearly cancelled because Gest wanted to book the Regent Wall Street hotel for next to nothing. [Page Six]
· Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick say they're not sending their son to an uptown private school because "In some parts of New York, you get a really narrow slice of life, and they turn out like Little Lord Fauntleroys. We wouldn't send him to a school like that." [Page Six]
· Antonio Banderas tells wife Melanie Griffith "no more cosmetic surgery." [Cindy Adams]
· When real estate queen Barbara Corcoran was still a waitress, she complained to her mother that "the ones with the big breasts were the ones getting the big tips." Her mother responded, "So, in the absence of big breasts, wear pigtails and put ribbons on them." It worked. [Cindy Adams]
· Norman Mailer (unsurprisingly) snapped at his audience at Barnes & Noble on Tuesday; Tina Brown's party for Arianna Huffington ended with Princeton professor Sean Wilentz falling asleep in Tina and Harry's bed which Tina says "hasn't happened since [she] was an undergraduate"; and rumors are still circulating that Billy Joel was drinking before his car accident last weekend. [NY Daily News]

· The NYT spikes a column on the PR industry criticizing a technique used by Raines' fiancee. [Page Six]
· Art curator Baird Jones acknowledges that he's "intentionally curating artists who are about to die." [Page Six]
· Limelight-era debauchery was revived on Wednesday at a party for Sundance entrant, "Party Monster." Drag queens, disco balls, and full-frontal nudity were involved. [Page Six]
· Corcoran raids other real estate firms to net top producing competitors. [Page Six]
· Richard Gere never curses. Visitors that do are asked to leave his home. [Cindy Adams]
· Mariah Carey: "Saying a man should like me for my mind sounds like I think I'm Einstein. But I'd like someone who doesn't accuse me of making up words like 'segue.'" [Cindy Adams]
· Miramax may be considering a big-screen version of "Guys and Dolls" with Vin Diesel. [Liz Smith]
· David Gest and Liza Minnelli celebrate their one-year anniversary. Frightening. [Liz Smith]
· When Steve Bing dropped by the set of "Kangaroo Jack," actors Jerry O'Connell and Anthony Anderson began singing Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean"The kid is not my son. Sandra Bullock on Hugh Grant: "He's a bit poofy and queenie, and he warned me he'd have hissy-fits, or 'tanties,' as he calls them." Hugh Grant on Sandra Bullock: "[She] kissed me like she'd never been kissed before in her life. I hesitate to use the word 'desperate,' but that flashed through my mind." [NY Daily News]

· Matt Drudge reports that Mayor Mike was furious at the Rolling Stones for lighting up on stage. [Drudge]
· Movie critic Richard Roeper's new book includes a chapter titled, "12 Reasons Why I'll Never Attend a Freddie Prinze Jr. Film Festival" that lists every leading role Prinze has ever had. [Page Six]
· Robert Downey Jr., spotting a pile of beers in the snow in Utah, says, "Oh, I don't drink these days...I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs." [Page Six]
· Nick Kurzon and Jamie Johnson's documentary, Rich Kids has sold out at Sundance. The film follows wealthy New York kids, including Ivanka Trump, through their last year of high school. [Page Six]
· Director John Lee Hancock is having a problem with his new movie, The Alamo: his extras are too fat to fit into their uniforms. [Liz Smith]
· Charlie Rose promises to broker a dialogue about China and Tibet between Richard Gere and Henry Kissinger; Liza Minnelli causes a stir at a nearby gay bar when she's spotted exiting a fast-food joint; and Richard Meier is accused of being a spotlight hog for a WTC design on which he collaborated. [NY Daily News]