Daniel D'Addario says that Katie Roiphe's new book is exactly what one would expect. Too bad.

Earlier today, the patron saint of unique storage space Lauren Conrad ripped apart some Lemony Snicket books with an X-Acto knife and advised others to do the same.

Imagine if 100 years after you died, people started analyzing every text you'd ever sent, uncovering deleted punctuation and word choices and debating among themselves why you messaged that guy you were merely "looking forward to the party," when earlier drafts revealed you were, in fact, "so excited to see [him]!!"

Weird Internets is a series in which we spotlight and explore funny, bizarre, or otherwise interesting corners of the internet. Today, we examine Pentametron, a Twitter bot that writes sonnets by finding rhyming Tweets in iambic pentameter, and talk to its creator, Ranjit Bhatnagar.

You know when you're reading a book, and the book is kind of meh, and so you decide to roll a joint, but then you realize you ran out of rolling papers and forgot to buy a new pack, because you are a stoner? Sucks, right? Problem solved, thanks to the melted brain of America's favorite burnout, Snoop Dogg.

Georgina Bloomberg (pictured, atop steed) is the 29 year-old daughter of billionaire New York mayor-for-life Mike Bloomberg. But she's not just your typical rich kid. Oh no. She's charted her own path and earned a reputation for being "free-spirited," according to Manhattan magazine. Deservedly so!

What kind of scroll is your favorite? is a question that I get asked constantly. And I always answer: Japanese fart scrolls. My favorite scrolls are Japanese fart scrolls.

Today in inspired feats of profound boredom: eBay user The_Heppcat claims he typed the entirety of Moby Dick on four rolls of single-ply toilet paper to win a bet. (Or for the most labor-intensive "Dick up your butt" punchline in human history.)

Notorious class sleeper, D student, failed Oscar host, art enthusiast, multiple PhD candidate, and sometimes actor James Franco is going to ruin literature once again. He sold a novel! To Amazon! About actors! My eyes are getting a workout from all this rolling.

Thought Catalog, the Slate.com of urban 25-year-old creative writing majors (and their spiritual kin) who are incapable of being boring, is redefining the art of blog post writing for a new and vibrant generation. Today's "The Different Types Of People You See At The Gym" is but one example of the fresh, unexplored literary frontiers that they are, you know, exploring. What other types of posts can you find on Thought Catalog?

There is only one accepted portrait of Jane Austen, sketched by her sister in 1810, in which the author of Sense and Sensibility and Pride and Prejudice looks to be extremely pissed off. But Austen scholar Dr. Paula Byrne, who is working on a definitive biography due out some time in 2013, has discovered a portrait in auction, and thinks there is an excellent possibility that the woman in it daintily holding a quill and staring out a window pensively — which, coincidently, is precisely how I look at this exact moment — could be Austen herself.

Last week, CW reality star and Maxim UK pin-up Devorah Rose tweeted a suggestive message about Salman Rushdie. Asked about his relationship with Devorah, Rushdie told Page Six that he was "mortified" to be connected to her. When Devorah heard that, she went nuclear and gave copies of her Facebook interactions with Rushdie to several gossip outlets.

Oh, look: The New York Times has profiled several well-pedigreed, intelligent and pretentious 20-somethings in today's Style section under the title "New York's Literary Cubs." What an excellent reminder to never talk to a Style section reporter!

Here's what stupid uneducated people imagine that college literature professors do: teach. Har har, stupid ignorant idiots! Here is what college literature professors actually do: write obscure papers that nobody will read. Now that's where it's at!

How many more indignities must Bill O'Reilly suffer as he tries to peddle his published wares to the discerning public? First the acclaimed television host and author had to witness U.S. soldiers burning his Pinheads and Patriots and boasting about it, and now Ford's Theatre is banning his new Abe Lincoln book for being wrong about everything.

The world's premier gambling event, the announcement of the Nobel Prize in Literature, happens on Thursday. Who's gonna win? Bob Dylan? (No.) Here are your betting odds!

A computer programmer testing the "Infinite Monkey Theorem"—that, with enough time, a monkey randomly mashing a typewriter would eventually type the complete works of Shakespeare—says his virtual monkeys will soon complete the works, way ahead of their infinity deadline!

Bestiality advocate Malcolm Brenner—author of famed dolphin sex memoir Wet Goddess—is back in the spotlight!

We are uncouth. As is most of America. We are not highly literate; we are middlebrow and low-minded. But still. Do not try to trick us into reading shitty poems with an enticing title. We do not like that.

Fall's the time for sitting on the couch with an overflowing snack bowl and dogs in your lap, sunning yourself in the bright lamp light that helps you to manage your Seasonal Affective Disorder, and trying not to think of winter. In other words, a perfect time for reading—and this fall brings the release of so many intriguing-sounding books that narrowing down the options was so hard. But we did it, and now here you go.