Taylor Swift will break her year-long song silence about Kanye West tonight. 50 cent tweeted some homophobic stuff. John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston: Spotted together! Sunday's Gossip Roundup was invited to many Fashion Week parties but chose not to go.

Welcome to Monday's gossip roundup, in which we gather every horrifying new detail about Speidi's sex tape (blackmail! ultimatums!) and how it inspires Snooki's ex. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt wants to murder BP executives and LiLo's lawyer heads back to court.

Lindsay Lohan is getting 250 letters a day in jail. You've been using your postcards!

Lindsay Lohan is scared of food, Brad Pitt is scared of his ex-bodyguard and New York models are frightened and jealous of Jesus Luz.

• Victoria Gotti didn't realize she was getting a $70,000 memoir advance to dish dirt on her mobster dad John. Or maybe she did, but she never thought HarperCollins would have the stones to demand it back. [Post]

Oh, don't worry. Lindsay Lohan always learns her lesson. After she purloined an $11,000 fur coat from a Russian model and was eventually sued (for six figures) for the outrage, a rival of the trendy 1Oak club where the whole kerfuffle went down has offered to pay a settlement on LiLo's behalf and buy her an $11,000 coat. John Englebert, owner of the clubs Prime and Suzie Wong, made a statement through his publicist saying that he'd like to extend a kind hand to Lindsay as a balm for all her recent ills. Obviously this is a PR stunt, but it's also yet another weary indictment of a culture that gives free shit to the people who need it least. The American caste system is alive and well, at least here in the Windy Apple! Of course she hasn't, you know, accepted the offer (yet?), but still. Full publicist missive, from GroundReport, after the jump.

Beyond being an early adopter of the Zipfur coat-sharing system that allows you to borrow an $11,000 mink, use it, then leave it for the next wearer at a designated drop-off point, Lindsay Lohan has been busier than ever with her various acting pursuits. Above, the first photos of her upcoming guest-starring appearance on ABC's Ugly Betty. The images hint at Betty's little-known past spent incarcerated in an all-girls' juvie hall.

Page Six is reporting that Lindsay Lohan has a new best friend, and hinting at a little more than that. The libertine starlet, who has allegedly gotten down with Sapphic spinner Samantha Ronson in druggier days past, is palling about town with Courtenay[ sic] Semel...and living with her! We know Lohan's dwindling coffers may have put the kibosh on some of the luxuries from the glory days (six-figure Marmont tabs, denting then replacing Mercedes, coke), but come on. The girl can afford a one-bedroom, right? Try looking east of Western.

The dogged persistence with which Lindsay Lohan appears to be grinding her career into a fine powder and snorting it off the seat of the crapper is so thorough, and so consistent, that it's almost a welcome show of commitment in this fickle town. In addition to appearing headed for a long, glorious career in the straight-to-video market thanks to I Know Who Killed Me, Lindsay has also managed to convince the folks at Louis Vuitton that she's a sticky-fingered little wastrel who can't be trusted:

Realizing that perhaps the best way to get in with the good graces of the lap-dance-servicing community was not to send out a Blackberried memo that might later get forwarded to Page Six in which she described them as "all whores . . . xcept for some obviously!" Lindsay Lohan has committed herself to making amends with the hard working Ladies of the Pole:

Visitors to Lindsay Lohan's motel residence might fear that opening the wrong closet could result in an avalanche of white powder rivalling the dynamiting of a Himalayan mountainside, but as it turns out, one would merely be covered in the designer detritus of a rumored $100,000 a day shopping habit. The always-entertaining Life & Style magazine reports that Lohan is aware of her alleged problem and has sought professional help:

When we originally noted that Jared Leto would be playing Mark David Chapman opposite Lindsay Lohan in the upcoming Chapter 27, we figured the chunky Catcher in the Rye-obsessed John Lennon murderer would simply be rewritten as an irresistibly dreamy-eyed, aspiring rock star. But as evidenced in the above set photographs, Leto has clearly taken a cue from George Clooney's bloated and bearded Syriana performance and subsequent Golden Globe win, and has decided to gorge away his gorgeousness into his latest incarnation: Chubby, Oscar-shot Leto. It's admirable that Leto feels his new found flab could add up to industry credibility, though someone should really point out to him that blank-faced, stilted line readings really don't seem any less blank-faced or stilted when delivered from under 30 additional pounds of blubber.

In the outside chance you are feeling slightly discouraged with your lot in life, we thought we'd ease matters by sharing the above, inspiring Forbes chart of top celebrity earners under the age of 25. You think you're overworked and underpaid? Imagine living Lindsay Lohan's taxed existence the lies, the infighting, the non-stop performance schedule. You can hardly put a price on a career that bleeds you so stone dry, but if you were to, apparently that price would be $11 million. Paris Hilton, meanwhile, earned a comparatively paltry $6.5 million in 2005, yet some might argue that she had to give up a little bit of herself to make that happen. At the end of the day, however, we hope you don't just see the numbers the low, low age ones or the high, high money ones but instead see the combined achievements of some of the most remarkable young people on the planet. Here's to you, Frankie Muniz; $8 mill hardly seems enough to cover the 22 minutes of happiness you bring to each one of us every week.

In the beginning, God made Lindsay Lohan the Actress, and He saw it, and it was good. Well, it was decent and could carry a Disney remake. But then the Actress begat the Party Girl, which in turn begat the paparazzi-demolishing Truckasaurus we now think of at the mere mention of her name. If we could, we'd like to take you back for a moment, to the primordial stirrings of the event that started it all, as there has been a major development in the case:

Lindsay Lohan may have decided the time has come to put down the mirror and cleverly fashioned dollar-straw and settle down for her first marriage, finding her Mr. Temporarily-Forever in the blank-faced, boylicious embrace of current beau, Jared Leto:

The suffocating demands of fame, it seems, have taken a terrible toll on Fox News' favorite son, Bill O'Reilly. In fact, he's so psychically drained by the constant scrutiny that comes with being among the world's most recognizable "big personalities" (coughassholecoughcough) that he's even starting to identify with—-no, it's too horrible to say! Just read it yourself: