Kristen Stewart has made a cuckold of Robert Pattinson. But how long was the affair going on before she and Sanders got caught? Sources close to Stewart maintained that it started just weeks ago, but also that she and Sanders had only made out; does this look like the arching back of someone who only just made out? No way.

Ed. Note: Unfortunately, we were asked to take down the photographs which originally ran with this story. However, since the way Caity's story is constructed requires corresponding images in order for it to make any sort of sense, we've just made Jim Cooke illustrate the ones we originally used. He's very disappointed with the results because he was rushed and insisted we say 'Bad Drawings by Jim Cooke.' But instead we will acknowledge his heroic patience and say that we think his renderings are better than the original photographs taken by some slimy paparazzi person hiding in a tree anyway.