It's been quite a day for Levi Johnston. First Page Six speculated about the size of his wang, and now he is furious with NBC over a skit Conan and William Shatner did based on his fake Twitter account.

Oh no! Page Six says Levi Johnston has reached the inevitable size-anxiety portion of his pre-Playgirl mental training, making this the perfect time for some thinly-veiled lies about why we will love him even in the event of ugly wiener.

UK Guardian reporter Ed Pilkington went to Anchorage to interview the 19 year-old babydaddy of Tripp Palin, Levi Johnston. There's audio, and some fairly interesting insight from Johnston on the Palin family and his Vanity Fair article, which was "retaliation."

Though Levi Johnston's svengali Tank Jones told us last week that he was "90% sure" Levi would bare all for Playgirl, he has officially removed that pesky 10% uncertainty. Levi will be going, um, whole hog for his upcoming shoot.

• Producers of Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show have been looking to add more drama by staging catfights between her friends and sister and having her chase men who are really just actors. At least the producers have solved their other problem and found a few "friends" willing to appear on camera. Regulars will include Hannah Bronfman (the party-loving daughter of Edgar Jr.) and Paul Johnson-Calderon (the guy who was caught stealing purses last spring). Interesting. [P6]
• Anderson Cooper has been vacationing in India with man-friend Benjamin Maisani. And it sounds like they're having quite the time: "Cooper's $3,200-a-night room features a four-poster mahogany bed and views of the gardens of the former Maharaja palace." Oh, and this: "Anderson's room has a large round bathtub. On the first night it was filled with bubbles and sprinkled with red rose petals." How romantic. [P6]
• Madonna visited the Malawi orphanage where she adopted her son David and one of the orphans approached her and told her, "You are our god." Not surprisingly, Madonna "seemed cool with it." [Us]

This morning the world discovered what we told you last week: Levi Johnston is working on a book to talk trash about the Palins. Little Miss Sarah found out too, and she's so steamed she's up to her old shenanigans.

The celebrity chef and his jilted bride Erica Wang continue to duke it out. No one knows anything about Brad Pitt's motorcycle accident, Lindsay Lohan has a whole new drug, Madonna's kids are skipping school. It's Monday. There is gossip.

• Brad Pitt lives. Although his motorcycle was rear-ended by a paparazzo's car on Saturday and he lost his balance, neither he nor his bike suffered any damage, although he did get to exchange a few "heated" words with the photographer before leaving the scene. [Us]
• Lindsay Lohan's downward spiral continues, not surprisingly. She's been dropped by her record label, Casablanca Records, and there are reports that she isn't even getting paid for her gig as Emanuel Ungaro's "artistic adviser." And she's been on a "serious shopping spree" in recent days, which probably isn't good news. Then again, she's being followed around by camera crews, so maybe this will all be turned into a reality show at some point. [P6, NYDN]
• Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner tied the knot in front of 500 guests yesterday in an "over the top" ceremony at the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey. (On hand for the big event: Andrew Cuomo, Rudy Giuliani, Anna Wintour, Barbara Walters, Sheldon Silver, and Emmy Rossum, among others.) The couple is heading to Africa on their honeymoon. [NYP]

Jon and Kate Gosselin are basically the worst people in the history of TV. Pennsylvania pride! Scott Weiland's wife: a crazy-awesome smack addict. Kanyeezy's community serveezy. J-Lo's Lola gives me facehurt. Weirdos! Celebrities! Whatever! Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

The contract is signed, ladies and gentleman, this thing is really going to happen. No one is disclosing cash figures yet, but it's more than the $25,000 he was originally offered. And there might be wang!

• The New York Times Co. reported a $35.6 million loss for the third quarter as ad revenue plunged 30 percent. But it was better than what Wall Street analysts were predicting, so the stock shot up 22 percent today. [NYT]
• New York magazine's chief says there are no plans to sell the magazine following last week's death of owner Bruce Wasserstein. [AdAge]
• Newsday plans to charge $5 a week to access to its website. [NYT, [E&P]
• Fortune is cutting back on the number of issues it publishes. And Time Inc., Fortune's publisher, is planning another round of job cuts. [WSJ]
• On the same day Sarah Palin's memoir is published, the Nation will release Going Rouge, an identical-looking book that mocks the ex-governor. [Politico]
• As if losing billions of family money wasn't enough of a punishment, France says it plans to put Warner Music chief Edgar Bronfman Jr. on trial for insider trading in connection with the 2000 merger of Vivendi and Seagram. [NYP]

There's only ten shopping days left before Halloween. So, it's time for Halloween costume listicles! Lots of people want to tell you what to wear. We'd like to spare you the humiliation of following their advice.

Last we heard, both Levi Johnston's people and Playgirl were still haggling on terms. Now everything is settled and the online magazine has sent off the contract and is waiting for signatures. Status updated!

We're no closer to knowing just how naked Levi Johnston will be in Playgirl than we were yesterday, but both sides are getting closer to finalizing the details and signing a contract. The shoot should take place in early November.

We first told you Levi Johnston is going to pose for Playgirl, we just don't know how much he'll show. So we're unveiling our Levi's Johnston Watch to follow this important matter very closely. Today's reading: nothing more than undies.

These here are two of Levi Johnston's most recent tweets. This guy has a distasteful advertising deal, has "written" for Vanity Fair and is far more famous that you or we will ever be. God bless America.

Are Jennifer and Brad going to reconcile? Will Nancy Grace eat Jon Gosselin's face? Can Levi Johnston get in shape for Playgirl? And why do women find Jeremy Piven attractive? Welcome, inquisitive reader, to your Wednesday morning gossip roundup!

• The Letterman mess rolls on. The Late Show host issued another apology on his show last night, describing how the scandal has impacted his wife, Regina Lasko ("She's been horribly hurt by my behavior"), and kindly pointing out that he's not having sex with any of his current staffers. Meanwhile, Stephanie Birkitt, the woman at the center of the "scandal," supposedly wrote in her diary that she was dating alleged extortionist Robert "Joe" Halderman and sleeping with Letterman as recently as last fall, leading Halderman to flip out when he read her diary in December. [NYP, NYDN]
• So are Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem engaged? While Cruz's rep went with "no comment," Bardem's flack said, "I really don't know, but would not be able to say anything even if I did." That sounds like a "yes" to us! [People]
• Celebrity chef Todd English skipped out of his wedding at the last minute this past weekend. His jilted bride went ahead with the party anyway, while English headed to South Beach to hit the bars and clubs. Classy. [P6]
• Heidi Klum has filed documents to change her name to "Heidi Samuel," since that's Seal's last name. Please update your address book accordingly. [TMZ]

The symbiosis of Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston continues apace. As Palin's memoir rips up the charts Levi is back in a commercial for pistachio nuts. Uh, what?

We have no clue what he does in his personal life, but James Franco's professional life just got even pinker, if you can imagine. Now he's taking a Queer Cinema class at NYU!