A lawyer for Dolce & Gabbana flack Ali Wise—who was arrested last week on charges of eavesdropping and computer trespass—says it's not illegal to hack into someone else's voicemail without permission. Really?

Maximilia "Ava" Cordero, alleged underage lover of billionaire perv Jeffrey Epstein, sued the New York Post two years ago after it ran a story saying she was born a man, and was slutty. The decision is in! Sexlaw frontiers, here.

A popularity contest that pits snobby Saks Fifth Avenue against a lady who gave away free money? It's no contest! Saks is mad because this lady—who worked there—gave away $1.4 million of their money. Counterpoint: people like money!

Perhaps he felt inspired by Mark Sanford's apology, or fears being charged with a hate crime, but something came over Perez Hilton tonight, as he took to his website and offered a self-congratulatory apology for being a heinous jackass.

If there are two things that define angry sex fiend Post columnist Andrea Peyser, those things are being angry (at people, and things) and liking sexy people (free or not). Today she gets to do both, in one paragraph!

Last week, the federal government passed a bill that lets the FDA essentially control everything about how cigarettes are advertised and marketed. New restrictions could save thousands of lives. But wait, this could hurt magazines! Stop everything!

New information has emerged on the child labor violations of "fledgling internet site" (ha) RadarOnline. We will cover this story with the same verve with which RadarOnline covers Octomom. Illegal, baby-endangering verve, that is!

Now this is some sort of karma: a report says that the state of California is going after RadarOnline for exploiting Octomom's kids, with their relentless Octomom videos. [UPDATED below]

Daisy Ballmajo is the co-host of Paparazzi TV Sensacional on Mega TV—sort of a Spanish-language version of TMZ. The type of show that loves leaked photos of nude celebrities! Now Daisy's own nude photos have leaked. She's upset!

There is only one clinic in all of Mississippi where women can obtain a legal abortion. This is breaking news, Washington Post? We're surprised there's one! Let's all meet the next doctor to be murdered by domestic terrorists:

Yesterday, executives from most of America's biggest newspapers held a hush-hush meeting about the future of their dying industry. Isn't that basically, obviously, a huge violation of antitrust laws, probably? No, thanks to the corporate freedom-supporting Supreme Court!

Right this minute, executives from the largest newspaper companies in America are meeting in a hotel outside of Chicago to discuss how to "Monetize Content." Is this the first step towards a (necessary) industry-wide move to charge for online content? And, uh, is this legal?

Should you, the Average Joe Schmoe Loser Nobody "Little Person," be allowed to see all the dirty details of a rich, famous person's divorce? Rich, famous people do not think that you should, surprisingly!

The New York Post cannot contain its excitement about our new Hispanic Supreme Court nominee! The millions of Hispanic people in NYC are encouraged to pick up a copy right away, and celebrate! The white rednecks of NYC are also encouraged to pick up a copy, for routine conservative sneering.

New York's journalist shield law may be extended to bloggers. We're drunk on power, legally!

Hipster Grifter and Brooklyn superstar Kari Ferrell had her court hearing in Philly today and Doree Shafrir, the lone real reporter to ever have touched this story, was there. Kari told an untruth:

Tamir Sapir certainly isn't the first Russian billionaire to be accused of having bad taste, but he might be the first one who has landed in court thanks to his fondness for over-the-top decorations. The real estate tycoon—and former New York City cabbie!—signed a guilty plea in connection an attempt to import 29 items that violated of the Endangered Species Act, including seven carved elephant tusks, a zebra-skin-lined children's bed, and a fully stuffed and mounted lion, pieces he planned to use to decorate his Versace-drenched yacht. He's since agreed to pay $150,000 in fines, but there is some good news to come out of this sad tale of animal exploitation/bad taste. In comparison to his father, we're thinking son Alex Sapir's Maybach—or "rolling office," as he likes to call it—is downright classy! [Luxist, NYP, NYDN]

Now the gathering storm of Gay Marriage has tsunamied all over Maine. Not Maine! That's where the Bushes live!

It's official: Supreme Court Justice David Souter is indeed retiring. Confirmation of the news came from Barack Obama himself, who just crashed the White House daily press briefing.

Supreme Court reverses the "one-free-expletive" on live TV ruling; no more fucks at awards shows.