Remember Tori Spelling? No, not the dead one! That's her bazillionaire TV mogul papa Aaron. Tori is his deformed daughter. Tori is (was?) an actress who played the virginal Donna Martin (who did, in fact, graduate) on daddy's hot show about cool teens in the hot, cool city Beverly Hills 90210 ("Nine-oh" for in-the-know fags and losers). She also had a glorious career in television movies, most famously in the best-titled movie ever made, Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? Well, that's all over now and she was cut her out of her dad's will, so she needs some cash! And what does that almost always mean for nonentity celebrities like Tori and Lance Bass? MEMOIR!!!! Yerp, Tori has written a tome of doubtless grandiloquence that will be hitting the shelves anon. Some selected passages after the jump. The most pleasing? When she says that "Nine-oh" (see?) costar Luke Perry called her "Camel" because of her long eyelashes. Right. That is why he called her camel. It had nothing to do with her looking exactly, in every way possible, like a camel. Oh, Tori.