Mr. Mariah Carey seeks sponsors for his birthday party. Paris Hilton "quits the club scene." Liza Minnelli celebrates photo retouching. Lindsay Lohan gets a job. Wednesday gossip will get you through the hump of the week.

Nightlife vet Amy Sacco turns 41 today. Strangely, Today show co-anchors Meredith Vieira and Matt Lauer happen to share the same birthday, too: Meredith is turning 55, while Matt is 51. Fox News' Sean Hannity is 47. Entertainment lawyer Allen Grubman (and the husband of Deborah and father of Lizzie) is 66. Tiger Woods is turning 33. Film director Bennett Miller is 42. Patti Smith is turning 62. WCBS political reporter Marcia Kramer is 60. Actress Eliza Dushku is 28. R&B singer Tyrese is 30. Comedian Tracey Ullman is 49. LeBron James is 24. Laila Ali is 31. Heidi Fleiss is turning 43. And New York County Clerk Norman Goodman—the man responsible for all those jury duty summonses—is 85.

• It's no fun living near Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. Neighbors in the West Village say the two are "spoiled brats" since they have bodyguards posted outside their apartment on West 13th Street who make neighbors get off the stoop whenever the twins are arriving home, and the twins keep SUVs idling in front of the building for hours at a time. [P6]