Sure, Bai Ling's arrest at LAX on Wednesday was sad in a Hedy Lamarr kind of way, but you know what's sadder? Suffering through her explanatory blog post the next day. Apparently camped out in Albequerque, we'd like to issue a warrant for another arrest based on the Celebrities Writing Bad Poetry statute. Witness: "my emotions are running through me like a wild river, tears come from the lake of my heart hurt my eyes." Oh, but there's more!

We can't say we know much about Bai Ling, save that she's ubiquitous (watch her ghostly apparition suddenly appear and start signing autographs next to Larry King in this paparazzi video), gave some of the most brain-meltingly awful (in the good way) musical performances in TV history on But Can They Sing?, could safely be classified as "fashion forward," and generally enjoys being the center of attention. In fact, now that we really think about it, she's done nothing but bring us joy, however obliquely. So we'll refrain from passing judgment on her arrest yesterday for swiping two magazines and a pack of batteries at an LAX magazine stand, or snickering at her mugshot, in which she just looks kind of sad. We're sure that after the proper shopliftinghab treatment, Ling will back to her old self in no time, full of vitality and grabbing Santa by the balls.