As THR reported recently, MGM is planning a musical remake of the cult classic Valley Girl, which became the epitome of everything the magical land of acrylic nails and gum chewing addictions stood for in the early `80s. However, the remake is ruffling the feathers of many an industry insider, mainly because the brains behind this project are less interested in revisiting the infamous twang and mall headquarters associated with girls from the Valley, a group the film arguably captured better than any successor. Instead, the epic soundtrack will serve as the reincarnation's primary subject. But whether or not the idea tanks, we're just happy to have the chance to round up our five favorite on-screen Valley Girls to ever gag us with a spoon:

Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler have escalated their attacks against Eisler's ex-wife, Marcia O'Brien, whose assault claims against Swanson during a child-visitation exchange gone awry led to the actress's arrest in Canada on Friday night. As the former Law & Order Anna-Nicole-channeler lists her wounds, her double-Lutzing boyfriend insists to Extra that it's the woman he abandoned while eight months pregnant with his second child who is the real villain in this international domestic incident:

Kristy Swanson is just the latest in a spate of Hollywood bimbos to swoop in on Canuck homes and snatch away their males like some demon race of bottle-blond, Canadian-man-craving succubi. In this case, the prize was her Skating with the Stars partner Lloyd Eissler, who abandoned his wife and two children to better pursue a love forged in the heat of third-tier reality show competition. A tense family reunion, meanwhile, got ugly Friday when Swanson allegedly turned all Buffy the Figure Skater's Ex-Wife Slayer on her romantic foe:

• Nicole Richie "fueled those pregnancy rumors by declining alcohol" at a party the other night. People. Come on. You don't have to be a Star magazine certified weight-estimator to deduce that that body could not even sustain a tapeworm. [Gatecrasher, 3rd item]