Halloween party season will soon be upon us, which means, more importantly, celebrity Halloween party season will soon be upon us. Now that you've negged your way to the top of the celebrity dog pile, you've probably got more invitations than can fit inside a regulation sized plastic jack-o-lantern candy carrier (so bring a pillowcase, Jesus, plan ahead). Use this guide to plan your party route.

What would it be like to live in a world where you are the only person with a job? Stacie The Bartender gave us a page of her diary so we could live vicariously through her.

• Laguna Beach alum Kristin Cavalleri continues to justify her relevance through the strategic use of her vagina, which has been programmed to hone in on any male remotely connected to any female celebrity. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton may be in some trouble for her drunk driving arrest, but it's nothing her mafioso relatives can't take care of. [R&M]
• Speaking of the DUI Club, Mel Gibson emerges from hiding, unhappy to be faced with Jew paparazzi. [TMZ]
• Just now on The View, Babs admitted to having Botox — which is about the worst endorsement the treatment could have.
• Lionel Richie asks a doctor if his emaciated daughter Nicole is anorexic. Seriously? You had to ask a professional to get the answer? [Scoop]
• Warren Buffet disavows his granddaughter after she publicly admitted to being super fucking rich. [Page Six]
• Tom Brokaw joins Team Couric, albeit briefly. [Lowdown (last item)]
• Marcia Cross is pregnant, and nobody cares. Poor fetus. [IMDb]