A new report from Playboy Magazine claims old blueprints link the Playboy Mansion to several neighboring celebrity homes via a series of secret tunnels.

Kirk Douglas you can die now if you want, People magazine already published.

Amazing news: Lifetime is casting an original movie about tragic figure Anna Nicole Smith. And who better to handle Anna Nicole's story than a network known for melodrama and camp appeal?

Deep in the weeds of show business blogging, in the comments under a blind gossip item, the actor Robert Downey Jr. may have just laid a venomous bite on Kirk Douglas, accusing the legendary actor of raping actress Natalie Wood.

Tonight's Academy Awards have been hit-or-miss so far—an opening montage with its moments and the awkward monologue that followed, for example—but this? This was just inexplicably fantastic. Here's a few minutes of Kirk Douglas... being Kirk Douglas.

They've put the boning back in the movie. Also today: Some exciting casting news for fans of Canadians and Brits, AMC adds another show to their roster, and some important news about indie movie kids who are cooler than you.

His first post, on MySpace of all places, is entitled 'Hello, I'm Michael Douglas's Father'. Kirk's current mood, in case you were wondering, is 'sassy'. He has a little sassy emoticon to underline this point.

Cameron Douglas, Michael Douglas' wayward son, is due to be sentenced for dealing meth next week, and a host of well-wishers—including Catherine Zeta-Jones and Pat Riley—have written to his judge explaining just how hard his life has been.

Actress Felicity Huffman turns 47 today. Actor and comedian Mario Cantone is turning 50. John Malkovich is 56. Violinist Joshua Bell is turning 42. Former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle is turning 62. Dame Judi Dench is 75. Nightline co-anchor Terry Moran turns 49. American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi turns 39. Singer Imogen Heap is turning 32. Masako, the Crown Princess of Japan, is 46. Architect Steven Holl is 62. Actor Jesse Metcalfe turns 31. Donny Osmond turns 52. And Kirk Douglas is celebrating his 93rd birthday today.

Everyone knows Vincent Van Gogh cut his ear off and gave it to a prostitute because he was kind of pathetic. But a new study suggests Van Gogh might've been awesome!

Desperate Housewives star Felicity Huffman is turning 46 today. Her former castmate, Jesse Metcalfe, is celebrating his 30th. Comedian Mario Cantone is 49. Violinist Joshua Bell is 41. John Malkovich is turning 55. Dame Judi Dench is 74. It's Tom Daschle's 61st birthday. Nightline co-anchor Terry Moran is turning 49. Architect Steven Holl is 61. Singer Imogen Heap is turning 31. Donny Osmond is 51. American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi is turning 38. And Kirk Douglas turns 92 today.

Reminding us of that time a grumpy Sean Connery asked for a commenter invite so he could take issue with our estimation of Harrison Ford, Kirk Douglas took to the LA Times letters section this weekend to protest the paper's recent treatment of "fallen" stars Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. And as far as we're concerned, his exquisitely articulated and defended point is the last word proving that the stars deserve better:

Though John Travolta's long, deep, and utterly unselfconscious kiss with longtime idol Kirk Douglas initially drew a thundering round of applause from the Santa Barbara Film Festival crowd assembled to see Travolta receive a lifetime achievement award named for the screen legend, the ovation was quickly replaced by gasps of horror once the guest of honor, obviously lost in the moment, failed to break their clinch until the oxygen-deprived nonagenarian collapsed to the stage.

Because we've lately been devoting an unprecedented number of column inches to the unexpected appeal of Hollywood's mature lady sexpots, we thought we should also spend some time toasting the enduring potency of the less-fair gender. What better candidate, then, than nonagenarian former matinee idol Kirk Douglas, who, Page Six reports today, has penned an autobiography in which he shares some of his most memorable encounters from over 75 years of freaky sexploits:

· Kirk Douglas tried to commit suicide after his recent stroke. He put the loaded gun he used in the classic western Gunfight at the OK Corral in his mouth, but hit a bad tooth and the pain made him forget to kill himself. [Page Six]
· Former club king Peter Gatien's daughter Jennifer is starring in the short film, Release Me. [Page Six]
· Rap star Missy Elliot: "I don't eat soap as a meal, but if I'm washing my face I will swallow some. It tastes so good." [Page Six]
· Billy Bob Thornton: "Komodo dragons have this horribly toxic bacteria in their mouths. When they bite you, you go blind. Then they all gather around you and watch you die like they are watching fucking television. They don't eat you right away. They wait til you die. Then they eat you." [Page Six]
· The Hamptons are, like, soooo over. Conscience Point has been shut down; Jet East is having site plan problems, and the Star Room lost most of its parking. [Page Six]
· Conde Nast chief Steve Florio was spotted ribbing the Conde Nast cafeteria staff for featuring France at the dining hall's international table. [Page Six]
· Daniel Day Lewis: "I'm such a pain in the ass, producers think, 'Frig him. We'll get Nicolas Cage." [Cindy Adams]
· Latrell Sprewell on Calvin Klein's attempt to talk to him during Monday's Knicks game: "If Mr. Klein wants to do some business, it can be done. I hope so. Any type of clothing line, I'm definitely open to." [NY Daily News]