Kristen Stewart's irrepressible sexiness imperils a movie franchise for kids. George Clooney gave Stacy Keibler crabs. Kris Jenner on Kim keeping her engagement ring: "I hate Indian givers." Dina Lohan blabs about LiLo's Playboy contract. TGIFriday gossip.

Lindsay Lohan's jail sentence is delayed. Kim Kardashian flees Australia. Kate Gosselin gets a job clipping coupons. Stanley Tucci marries Emily Blunt's sister. Thursday gossip procrastinates nude.

After much berating, the Kardashian klan kracks and starts telling lies. Lindsay Lohan returns to court. Hugh Grant has a baby after a "fleeting affair" with a mystery woman. Denise Richards and Richie Sambora reunite. Wednesday gossip plays with semantics.

Here's Kim Kardashian's "message to her fans" about her divorce from her husband of 72 days, Kris Humphries. At over 400 words, it's "probably the hardest thing [she's] ever had to write," and clocks in at a one-cliché-to-every-sentence average:

As the world beats its collective breasts over Kim Kardashian's divorce, here's another hypothesis on why she would marry and leave a man so quickly: Kim always said she thought she'd be married with children by age 30. With her 31st birthday in late October, her (lucrative) life narrative required that she tie the knot.

The Kardashian frenzy continues. ScarJo opens up about her naked pictures. Lindsay Lohan goes from morgue to graveyard. And Gwyneth Paltrow says more obnoxious things. Tuesday's gossip ate too much candy.

New York Post sexologistolumnist Andrea Peyser is not one to judge others. Except uppity minorities. And whores. I mean, she practically has to judge whores. Can't just have whores walking around, unjudged. Andrea Peyser's mouth is spilling over with whores.

Kim Kardashian is getting divorced after only 72 days. That's only two and a half months. Apparently celebrities are especially susceptible to being married for very short periods of time. Here are some that were so short they make Kim's look long, and some that lasted a bit longer and make Kim's look short, sort of like when she'd stand next to her future ex, Kris Humphries.

Kim Kardashian's soon-to-be ex-husband is pleading ignorance about their divorce, claiming he didn't know his fame monster wife was going to file divorce papers today:

After 72 days of matrimony, Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from poorly cast husband Kris Humphries. TMZ already has the divorce papers, and posted them here. The newlyweds are seeking a traditional divorce due to "irreconcilable differences."

Kim Kardashian dressed up as Poison Ivy for Halloween and is divorcing her husband. Demi Moore dressed up as a divorcee. Lindsay Lohan is wearing an innocent nun's costume, Jessica Simpson is rocking an "immaculate conception" look, and Taylor Swift is going as a nude photo scandal. Monday's gossip doesn't know if it's a trick or a treat.

The celebrities have begun trickling out of their castles, mansions, and forest lairs to host or hit up Halloween parties, collect their high-calorie holiday booty, and inspire jealousy-driven shut-ins like us to mock their outfits.

Does James Franco wax his buttcrack? What are the best accessories for a trip to the morgue? Why is Jessica Simpson so bad at hiding her baby bump? These are the perplexing questions of Gawkerazzi, the show where we blog with our mouths.

Nicki Minaj curses out a maid, and the end result is a battery charge. Kim Kardashian says her newlywed life is "not ideal." Alexa Ray Joel opens up about HPV. Usher gets in a fight over a parking space. TGIFriday gossip.

Brian Williams occasionally stops off at Late Night to slow jam the news with Jimmy Fallon. Since Rock Center, Williams' new primetime show, debuts on Monday and he wouldn't want anyone out there to forget to tune in, God forbid, he paid a visit to Fallon tonight to add some suave sexiness to the Occupy Wall Street movement. Watch them make the musical magic happen—and struggle to remember the name of Kim Kardashian's husband—above.

Lindsay's 17-year-old sister has seen her "boobs, ass, and vag." Kim Kardashian's reality show literally tried to cast her husband. Jason Sudeikis is dating an Olsen, but which one? Thursday gossip is sisterly.

Are our dreams of Princess Cocktail Waitress premature? Perhaps! Also, Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively spend birthday time together and Jennifer Lopez has an on-stage breakdown. Sunday gossip is waiting to hear back from Tyler Perry about the role of "Judith's other coworker."

Prince Harry is apparently dating a cocktail waitress from San Diego who looks kind of like his sister-in-law. Kim Kardashian is not divorcing, uh, what's-his-name. And Mariah Carey's babies are finally photographed. Saturday gossip wants Lindsay Lohan to send it 30 In-n-Out burgers.

Good Day Dallas anchor Tim Ryan hates Kim Kardashian. When her name came up in the show's vaguely rude celebrity birthday segment—in which the anchors guess wildly about celebrities ages on their birthdays, then marvel at how old various vamped-up starlets look—he refers to Kim as "she whose name will not be mentioned."

Why did Kris Humphries ditch his wedding ring to carry moving boxes? Shiloh Jolie-Pitt and Kingston Rossdale might be in love. Dina Lohan is shopping a memoir. Kanye's Occupy Wall Street outfit was worth more than $30,000. TGIFriday gossip.