• Things aren't looking up for Damon Dash. He's lost a fortune recently and is buried under a mountain of debt. Now it looks like he's losing his wife, too: Rachel Roy just slapped the hip hop mogul with divorce papers. [NYDN]
• David Letterman and his longtime girlfriend Regina Lasko got married last week. [NYP, Us]
• Courtenay Semel, daughter of media mogul Terry Semel and occasional girlfriend of Casey Johnson, has checked into rehab. [P6]
• The real reason behind Jen Aniston and John Mayer's split? Jen was supposedly sick of his "obsession" with Twitter. Naturally. [Sun, Telegraph]

• Today in silly celebrity brand extensions: Kim Kardashian has a "budget-friendly shoe club," Avril Lavigne's first scent debuts this summer, and Nicole Richie's new jewelry line sold out before it even arrived in stores. [SW, WWD, SW]
• Several racks of clothing have already materialized at Topshop! [Racked]
• Calvin Klein made a cameo on 30 Rock last night. [Fashionologie]
• Michelle Obama is the new Carrie Bradshaw, says Isaac Mizrahi. [MB]
• Have you ever wished that Joe Zee would finally document every food item he consumed over the course of the week? You're in luck. [NYM]
• Don't bother asking Michael Bloomberg about his fave footwear. Ask him about his shoes and he'll tell you they're "probably Paul Stuart," but he's "had them a long time," so he really has "no idea." [FN]

Beyonce leaving the Pat Field store on Bowery ... Sarah Jessica Parker carrying a copy of the New Yorker while walking to the set of her new movie ... Claire Danes walking downtown with Hugh Dancy ... James Franco shooting scenes for a new movie in Long Island City ... Katie Holmes walking by herself downtown ... Gretchen Mol pushing her son in a stroller in the West Village ... Blake Lively carrying her dog Penny to her trailer on the set of Gossip Girl in Brooklyn ... Clive Owen crossing the street ... and Kim Kardashian and mom Kris Jenner leaving Nobu 57.

The Kardashians are an entire family of national fameballs—Julia Allison can only dream of achieving their ubiquitous inanity. And America may have a new book from them to look forward to, a tipster says!

• After a handful of false alarms (and after claiming they were weren't even engaged) Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen finally got married yesterday, tying the knot in a small ceremony at a Catholic church in Santa Monica. [Us, People]
• It looks like Jeremy Piven won't be penalized for walking away from Speed-the-Plow, since officials from Actors' Equity and the Broadway League couldn't come to a consensus at his hearing yesterday. [NYT, NYP]
• Russell Simmons has agreed to pay Kimora $40,000 a month in child support until their daughters turn 19. [People]
• Derek Jeter is supposedly dating a 22-year-old FIT student. Given she enjoys playing his voicemails for her group of friends, you probably shouldn't expect the relationship to last very long. [NYDN]

Click through for more pics of some of the famous faces in the front row at Fashion Week over the weekend.

As Fox Studios throws its enthusiastic support behind How I Met Your Mother by tripling its stars' salaries, the laugh track-enhanced CBS sitcom returns to the tabloid slophouse for some ratings-goosing stunt-casting.

Happy New Year, folks—or, as English-torturing songstress Courtney Love might blog it, "HAPPPPPY happy yr NEW happy." Love has posted a brand-new pair of wildly accusatory Myspace entries. Can we decipher them?

• Tom Cruise says he loves flying, hockey, football, skydiving, horse riding, mountain climbing and scuba diving. Oh, and he also says he'd like to have seven more kids with Katie Holmes. [The Sun]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony plan to end their marriage "right after Marc's show at Madison Square Garden on Feb. 14," which sounds like excellent timing, if you ask us. [NYDN]
• Is Mariah Carey pregnant? Yes? No? Do you care? [P6, Fox News]
• No one is quite sure if Tom Brady proposed to Gisele last week. [NYDN]
• Whitney Port, you'll be shocked to hear, rarely turns up to her "day job." [P6]
• Heather Mills' former nanny is suing her for having to "blow-dry Mills' hair, work unreasonable hours, and spray-tan a naked Mills." [MSNBC]
• Condé Nast CEO Chuck Townsend may be slashing staff, but he's still charging the company for private jet flights. [P6]
• Assuming you have access to a very good house cleaning service, the Kardashian residence in LA is now on the market for $3.395 mil. [TMZ]

When Courtney Love accused Kim Kardashian's brother of a hate crime, we anticipated the latter would continue the blog war with a rebuttal—we just didn't expect how cagey the response would ultimately be.

Perhaps looking to shore up her gay bona fides after the "No, I voted Yes on 8" debacle, Courtney Love has broken her vow of blogging silence to report a Kardashian-fueled gay bashing.

• Donny Deutsch has been caught fooling around with a married woman. Or at least that's what hedge fund manager Andrew Sandler claims, who hired a private detective to follow his wife Lisa around and eventually scored pics of the two of them making out. [P6]
• Jennifer Aniston appears naked on the cover of the new GQ, and in the accompanying article she says her relationship with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is like an "insane Bermuda Triangle." Meanwhile, Brad admits to the new Rolling Stone that he fell in love with Angie while he was still married to Jen. [NYP, Daily Mail]
• Rachel Zoe's rep says the only reason she's been looking so thin lately is because she "just got over the stomach flu." Right. [OK!]

Michelle Williams walking with daughter Matilda ... Uma Thurman arriving at JFK ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking with son James in the West Village ... Naomi Watts carrying her dog and a bunch of bags ... Liev Schreiber rolling luggage down the sidewalk in NoHo ... Anne Hathaway outside the The Daily Show studios ... America Ferrera and Ana Ortiz holding coffee cups on the set of Ugly Betty ... Kim Kardashian shopping on Fifth Avenue and later leaving Citrine on West 21st Street and heading to Marquee.

♦ Is Kate Hudson trying to steal Alex Rodriguez away from Madonna? She was spotted with her "arms completely wrapped around" him at a party in Miami this weekend. But she might just be trying to steal Jason Statham away from his girlfriend, since the two were seen downing dirty martinis together. [NYDN, P6]
♦ A PETA activist pelted Lindsay Lohan with a bag of flour at an event in Paris on Saturday. Sam Ronson responded by dissing the activist on MySpace: "My dog is far more civilized than that person." [People]
♦ Kanye West was arrested in London on Friday after an altercation with a photographer. Now he's suggesting the entire episode was "bogus," and has upset some Brits by comparing himself to Princess Di. [People, The Sun]
♦ Sarah Palin may collect a $7 million advance if she writes a book. [MSNBC]

Portfolio may be struggling to keep current during these dark economic times, but editor Joanne Lipman pulled a clever maneuver when she dispatched a cute, young reporter to meet up with Salman Rushdie at the luxe resort in Mexico. The famed author took the trip to Las Ventanas al Paraiso in Los Cabos, Mexico to promote his new book, The Enchantress of Florence, and was given free plane tickets and accommodations in exchange for showing up at two dinners and a cocktail reception. It doesn't seem like the deal was much of a success for the hotel company: A total of eight paying guests turned up for the two dinners. But that gave Rushdie plenty of time to open up about really important stuff, like Dancing with the Stars, Kim Kardashian, and his busy social life.

Two role models to women everywhere are celebrating birthdays today: The feisty Judith Sheindlin (that's Judge Judy to you) is 66. The very modest reality TV personality and sex tape star Kim Kardashian is celebrating her 28th birthday today. Others with a birthday cake in their immediate futures: Marci Klein, Lorne Michaels' right-hand at SNL (and the daughter of Calvin) is 42. Xerox CEO Anne Mulcahy is 56. Jade Jagger—socialite, jewelery designer, and offspring of Mick and Bianca—is turning 37. Indie film producer Jason Kliot is 45. Actress Carrie Fisher is 52. And former Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu is 59.

♦ In an interview with Barbara Walters which airs Friday, Peter Cook says it was Christie Brinkley's fault he cheated on her because she wasn't "meeting his needs." Oh, also, he'd like you to know he's really not a pervert. [NYDN]
♦ Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel are back together, although friends say they're "taking it slow." [People]
♦ Angelina Jolie got a tummy tuck, or at least that's what the Star says. [Star]
♦ Amy Winehouse's spokesperson says the singer is not suicidal. In fact, the rep says, "she's fine." Of course she is. [People]

Bloggers may face perilous, uncertain futures these days — but not Kim Kardashian! The reality star and Dancing with the Stars bootee has taken to the blogging format like a badonkadonked fish in water. First, Kardashian used her forum to dispute the automobile allegations made against her by a Defamer tipster, and now she's posted an impassioned defense of her naturally fulsome physique. It seems that Kardashian is so tired of rumors that she's had plastic surgery that she's decided to disprove them once and for all — using a queasy-making photograph of herself in a bikini at age 14:

The Three Fates are almost done spinning the American narrative, Atropos readying her scissors to deliver one final snip. When the story is done the great heralding beacon of the end of days will burn brightly, in the form of a Britney Spears sex tape. Yes indeed the misbegotten pop star apparently filmed herself in flagrante delicto with her old creepy paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib, and now he's waving it around threatening to release it. How did we get to this point? Well, after the jump we'll take a look at three other celebrity sex tapes that, had our foresight only been as 20/20 as our hindsight, we could have recognized as the end of everything.

After one of our operatives wrote in last week to tell us the story of how Kim Kardashian's black Escalade (and bad attitude) held up rescue vehicles headed for a car accident, Kardashian herself repaired to her blog to set the record straight. Or did she? After reading Kardashian's missive, our tipster wrote in to rebut it, claim by claim.